Yellow Ledbetter
by RunChildRunAnd-Don't-Look-Back
Summary: He's been alone for over 6000 days by the time he feels the smallest tug hit his gut. Or The story of how Kai Parker meets Bonnie Bennett. Canon look into the beginning of season 6 from Kai's perspective.
1. Welcome to Paradise

**A/N: UPDATE 05/2020- I have added a chapter between 6-7 (it's the new chapter 7) because I realised it needed a chapter between. **

**I did not mean for Yellow Ledbetter to be so long but halfway through I was like screw, I'm gonna redeem Kai Parker in the way TVD should have. Also, for those of you reading MLY I'm going to have to delete it (I'll post it up again but read the note on the story to get all the specifics, it's a good reason I promise- I'm using it for my coursework)**

**Before you read this I should forewarn you that it is dark. It would have to be from Kai's perspective and while I am in no way condoning them or his behaviour towards Bonnie I legit just wanted to write the narrative because it's an interesting one. And remember kids, interesting doesn't always mean good or morally correct it just is what it is.**

He's been alone for 6711 days by the time he feels the smallest tug hit his gut. At first he thinks it's the prison world spooks poking him again. The sensation that there's something eerie at the end of a darkened corridor, someone always watching just outside his window, a ghoulish hand hovering over his shoulder- retracting just as he turns around to get a good look. It really messes with his head. But even ghouls make for some form of company, which is why his mind has taken to making them up wherever there's something even slightly creepy. Lack of people, mixed with deathly silence wherever he goes, means most places have something off about them. Meaning he's damn near out of his mind.

When he was first zapped here he was angry, just furious enough to need an empty world as an outlet. Then he was amused- at the fact that his father thought the best form of Prison was an empty world.

Dumbass.

Because of the "great coven leader" he'd spent most of his youth isolated, how was this any different? How was this any form of punishment? Wouldn't it have been smarter to just kill him? Twenty odd years later and he finally understands.

People need people, and so does he.

No matter how much it kills him to admit it. Ironically after coming to terms with that he does actually kill himself. Attempt number 435 by drowning. He likes drowning. Waking up from death itself is a reset, add in water and it's what he imagines being baptised is like. He wakes up in a lake, face skyward, and the tugging is still there. Is he dreaming or does it feel stronger? The only company for miles around, lodged in his abdomen.

It doesn't go away. And he doesn't know if he's afraid or grateful because it's the first solid thing he can focus on since he's been here. Something beyond his control. An exciting plot twist. The one

thing he does figure out is that it's pulling him in a certain direction. It might be worth investigating but it also might be gas. Plus, he's right in the middle of a treasure hunt, does he really want to drop everything to investigate his mutinous organ?

But it still doesn't go away. So a week later he's packing a bag filled with his few findings and heading to Heathrow Airport, blinking goodbye to England from the cockpit. Even without people the small country holds a certain charm. It's perfect to be alone in. Paris was supposed to be next but instead he's flying back to Portland, dumping the plane with a less-than-smooth landing and driving back to the homestead. Still covered in blood and gore, the smiley face he drew on the front door with Joey's blood seems to have rectified itself and there's nothing more than plain wood guarding the entrance again.

Nope.

Nothing different here.

But the tugging has become more insistent. Definitely stronger. Definitely not gas. Moving in certain directions seem to affect it. He's playing hot and cold with the universe and it's the most fun he's had in years. Definitely more fun than treasure hunting. He always did love to play hide and go seek. Jumping into the Grand Canyon is a close second, but there's no pain in this game. Yet.

He steals another car- is it really stealing when the owner doesn't exist and the keys are in the ignition- and starts driving, using nothing but his guts as navigation.

Seventy-two hours and seventy-three cramped muscles later he's in Virginia. What the hell is Virginia even good for? At least Portland has Tonya Harding. But the sensation in his abdomen practically sings the moment the wheels roll past the 'Welcome to Mystic Falls' sign. A day searching the place, maybe another Ascendant has turned up, and then he'll keep on trucking. He pulls into the driveway of a large suburban house, his instincts screaming at him to stop here. He's been roped into listening to the universe, after it consistently screws him over, but he'll listen in style. The house he's chosen is the biggest one on the street, looming over a brown doored one across the silent road. It's practically vacant with very few signs of being lived in, in the real world. The one opposite has kids toys littered all over the lawn and a porch swing that stinks way too much of homeliness.

Master bedroom. Huge bed. Almost seven whole pillows, with three tiny ones too (but who needs more than one) and he's beyond comfortable. Comfortable and relaxed aren't always the same thing as he's learning. Counting the little indents on the white ceiling, blue under the light from the window, does nothing to lull him to sleep. It could be travel lag, or the fact that he's not really used to sleeping at night anymore, or the ridiculous heat of this State, that's keeping him up. Stupid Virginia heatwave. It could be any of those but Kai puts it down to that feeling, his supernatural Sat Nav, niggling at him.

He's been drifting, drifting, drifting through this world, not attached to anything and it's the first thing to stay with him. He's big enough to admit he's worried that finding the source of the feeling will leave him empty again. There's a huge part of him that desperately craves being so full of nothing because it means he's fortified. Being filled with nothing, means there's nothing to hurt. But nothing is also boring. Which is why there's also this small, desperate, part of him that clings to feeling something. Anything. He feeds that part with anger, snark and humour. They're easy to hold onto. They won't run away with him and leave him breathless to catch up. Control. That's what this is about.

It's even bigger of him to admit that when he hears a sudden scream he nearly weeps. From instant alarm at such a loud and unfamiliar noise, and from the fact that he doesn't recall making it. Which means someone else did.

Someone else.

He's hurtling up, dragging the covers with him and wriggling his legs to free them, dropping the duvet onto the floor in exchange for the freedom to gawk out of the window. He takes a breath, letting it fog up the glass before wiping it away as he searches.

Nothing- no one- zip-

Porch lights.

The house opposite has it's porch lights on.

He definitely didn't do that.

Kai is milliseconds away from investigating, leading with his glowing chest, but doesn't even manage to stand straight before noticing the opening front door.

He feels her before he sees her.

The smallest brown hand revealed by a moving door; half her torso and head and so on and so forth and all the while his heart is hammering out of sheer excitement.

There is another person here. How long has she been here? It's got to be recent. There's a reason he's only been pulled towards this place now. Kai's been tugged towards her. For all the times he's been a little shit, he hopes the universe can feel how utterly grateful he is right now. Not just for the fact that he's not alone. But for the fact that his new cellmate is a girl- a pretty girl. From his height he can make out her general visage. Pressed against the glass and grateful for the dark room shrouding him, he unknowingly commits her to his memory. Black hair, possibly lighter in the sun, he'll have to wait and see, dark eyes that are red with tears, and a figure that can be appreciated at any distance. An Adam and Eve type situation plays out in his mind before he can quickly concentrate again.

She looks sad. So forlorn. Definitely a recent inmate.

And how is she here? Why is she here. She must have done something awful and he's giddy. He always had a thing for bad-girl types.

Kai's already thinking of ways to introduce himself, charming words and handsome smirks. Oh man, he sniffs himself, he needs a bath. Maybe some hair gel. Definitely some cologne. Or would that be too much? She'd totally notice too. Why else would he have a reason to wear cologne unless it's for the only other person in the world. But he could act like he didn't even know she was here. That he always happens to have outstanding personal hygiene. He could also manufacture it in such a way she found him-

A blink and there's someone else standing in front of her.

There go his plans for the night.

From his perch on the second storey, behind the window pane, he can hear their muffled conversation echoing around the avenue.

'Leave me alone Damon!' She glares at the newcomer.

It's the first real voice that isn't his own and his neck does this involuntary spasm, like someone has blown on it, as he consumes her words. Her words feel like music. A new song he wants to listen to over and over again until he's sick of it.

'If that's really what you want then fine, I will. I will leave you alone forever, in this empty, godforsaken place. Or you can accept the fact that you're stuck with me and I'm stuck with you and there's no way back.'

The man just sounds grating.

The girl keeps up her hard stare, having wiped away the tears and trying to look formidable. He is almost certain the fact that she's the only girl he's seen in decades is playing a major role in how turned on he is right now. That aside, there's no denying how beautiful she is. Beautiful doesn't even begin to describe it. She's got this bonny quality all about her, right down to her big eyes and heart shaped lips.

'Is that how you do it with Elena? You bully her into forgiving you.'

Who's Elena? Please be his girlfriend. Please be his girlfriend. Please be his girlfriend.

'What Elena and I do- or did-' there's restrained pain in his words 'is none of your business.'

Yup. Elena was his girlfriend. Kai smirks at the implication. Beautiful girl is available.

Her whole demeanour changes as Damon replies and he watches her tears break through again. Kai's picked the right time to find them. She's onto the final few stages of grief, mourning everyone she's lost. She must have cared about a lot of people to be so distraught. The memory of his own adjustment period is a little fuzzy given how drunk he was most of those years. But it also means that he's going to have to wait until she's reached acceptance before introducing himself. Once she accepts she's stuck here she'll practically jump on him. Not to be cocky, but she doesn't really have many options and he's way hotter than old man Damon.

There's lots of apologising and near-crying then before he knows it, he's being abandoned again.

That won't do.

Kai tiptoes to his backpack and roots around for what he needs. It's not ideal being a siphon in a world that so clearly needs magic to leave. Obviously by design. He carefully puts the Ascendant, down on the bedcovers while he dumps out the bag to find what he needs. Magic is the second half of the equation to leave. Unfortunately there's no one here to siphon it from.

But there are things. Magically imbued objects he's spent a decade collecting from all over the world. Getting out of here is the only thing keeping him going, even motivating him to learn how to fly. He's been searching for something with Bennett magic but nothing so far. Now there's something else to keep him going but currently she's- they, he means- are walking away from him. And there's no way to follow them discreetly without some magical help.

He finds the necklace and holds the cold silver in his palm. Searching for the stilted magic and drawing it out quickly. The trinket dulls visibly and he dumps it on the floor before gathering his things and bolting out of the house. They turned left at the end of the street, from there he guesses left again and then from there he hears her giggle.

An encore at the right time and he's cloaking himself as he catches up to them. Not quick enough because she glances back at the sound of his feet. He's invisible before she can spot him. But for good measure he drops back a few paces, latching onto her frown as she stares back- before deciding there couldn't possibly be anyone there and turning around. They walk at a leisurely pace discussing how different things look, people they once knew and their uncertain future. Here's what Kai learns:

They've been here for almost five days and they are definitely not from 1994- which takes a moment for him to wrap his head around. It's not like he didn't know time was passing in the real world, but to have actual confirmation is… He doesn't want to get into it. It seems they were zapped here unintentionally rather than incarcerated like him.

Damon is a vampire, it explains the speed. It took all of three minutes for Damon to bring up the subject of blood and for the girl to shut him down- again. Apparently that's what they'd been arguing about in the first place. A remembered coven warning; stay aware from vampires, they're all a bunch of bloodsucking assholes.

Elena definitely was Damon's girlfriend, and the dude sounds completely whipped when he talks about her. All the better for Kai.

Lastly, this is the third time they've fought and Bonnie has stormed away.

'You can't keep doing that.' Damon chides as they turn into a country lane.

'Trust me, I'm doing it for the both of us. Elena would never forgive me if I killed you.'

'We're already dead, how much more can you kill me.'

'We're not dead-'

And that sets off another argument. All the way down to a huge mansion that they're calling home. 'Salvatore Boarding House' he reads from the sign. But from what little he already knows of them this is more of the playful kind of fight. They're still on good enough terms to share dinner. Damon's prepared a mess of a grilled cheese sandwich. If the way it looks is any indication to how it tastes then the girl is a saint for eating it. Kai wouldn't dare pick at it and alert them to his presence, he'll wait until they're both sleeping to confirm his suspicions. The cheese is all melted wrong and the bread is soggy. But she chews without complaint and they chat some more about the possibilities of this world.

'I told you.' Damon drops his disappointing creation back onto the plate. 'It's hell.'

Dramatic but not too far off the point.

'Why would May 10th be hell?' The girl asks, still politely nibbling. She so clearly wants to spit it out but swallows like a champ and Kai tucks away that information.

'Cause it's a sucky day Bon.' Damon bins his leftovers and leaves the room.

That's the end of that then. But there's more to his theory than Damon's letting on. From experience it's always bad people searching for atonement who are the first to assume every awful situation is hell. They keep hoping the punishment will lead to redemption. Which means Damon is hiding the real reason he thinks this is hell.

Kai moves from his hover by the counter to sit opposite the girl. It's the first time he's alone with her and can properly study her up close. The way her jaw moves as she chews, her eyebrows knit together as she thinks. His only question is, what is she thinking? And her name is Bon- that information didn't slip by him.

Bon.

Bonita?

Bonnifer?

Bonnibel?

Bon Bon?

No sane parent would name their child Bonnifer and she looks, walks and talks like she came from sane people. Inside the house, under the light from the kitchen fireplace and a few candles, he notices that her eyes are actually green. It's the last thing he studies before he can feel his magic starting to fade and has to drag himself out of the house, hopping out of an open window to avoid making a noise. It wouldn't matter anyway. As he passes by the study he can see Damon already drunk on half a bottle of bourbon.

Yikes.

Overcompensating much?

Kai knows his way back to their homestead and heads back to his own temporary residence with something akin to excitement bubbling in his chest.


	2. The Bodyguard

Her name is Bonnie. Kai almost slaps himself when he hears Damon yell it. Bonny-looking-Bonnie, the very heavy sleeper. The sun rose three hours ago and Damon finished making blueberry pancakes half an hour ago. He's called her three times. On the fourth he's yelling her whole first name. Kai's sitting on the desk chair of the room she's picked. It belonged to someone called Stefan and he had a habit of writing some seriously depressing journals, but they kept him entertained for most of the night.

He's cloaked now but for most of that time he went magicless, sticking to observing from a distance lest she wakes up. When she finally does stir he's siphoning the moonstone he has stashed away, at the last possible moment. It's occurred to him that he's blowing through a supply of magic that was supposed to last him years. Not ideal, but that's a problem for him to worry about when he's onto the last item. A problem for Kai in about six months, if his calculations are correct.

By the fifth yell she's blinking herself into consciousness, replying

'I'm up,' hoarsely and turning over in the duvet, taking a few minutes to collect herself as she wakes. In those few minutes she just stares into the ceiling with doe eyes that get bigger the longer she stares. When she sits up he holds his breath out of a reflex unknown, and for a moment her eyes (ocean green in the daylight) land on the spot he's sitting in. She gets up slowly with her attention fixed on the space he's in and moves towards him. By the time she's two steps away he's digging nails into the arm rests and readying himself to run. But she stops there, looking satisfied in whatever her train of thought was- he has yet to figure that out- and makes a beeline for the shower. His heart's still pounding far too quickly in his ears for him to give due process to the idea of checking in on her while she's in there. The idea of a naked girl, dripping wet, five feet away doesn't calm him down, funnily enough, and he suddenly feels grossly his age at incarnation. It's a good job he's cloaked. When she steps out, white towel wrapped around her torso and barely covering the tops of her thigh, he allows himself one good leer before turning around. It's decided that he won't reveal himself until he's got a better handle on his emotions.

'Oh good, another one.' Bonnie slips back into the chair she ate dinner in as if she never left it. A creature of habit then. Casually strewn onto the table is a newspaper he's all too familiar with. One of Dad's little guilt trips, magically turning up no matter where he goes.

'Fresh from the magic mailman.' Damon replies, plopping a stack of dry blueberry pancakes before her, dumping his own opposite. Kai settles onto the kitchen counter, swinging his legs as he tunes in to what's quickly becoming his favourite show. She reaches for the maple syrup and begins dousing her breakfast to make it slightly more edible, as she eats she flicks through the pages.

'Supermarket has a sale.' She muses aloud.

'Let me guess, one day only?'

Unless they're arguing they tend to spend the days together, only separating to sleep or other mundane activities. But they're never apart for long and it's starting to irritate him. When Damon's with Bonnie he dominates the room, he's all brooding comments and sarcastics snipes. Not to mention the fact that Kai doesn't like how close they're getting. But on the seventh day, like rain after a drought, they argue for the fourth time. It seems like a whammy.

After finally running out of supplies they take Foodmart up on its spectacular sale.

'We should make a list next time.' Bonnie comments, searching the aisles for things she can remember that they need. Damon's commandeered the trolley without even offering her the option to push it.

'What's the point?' He's extra snippy today, the lack of fresh blood and time away from his girl is manifesting.

'The point is, that way we know what we need.' Bon Bon's keeping her cool.

'No Bon,' with a quick and violent shove the trolley is overturned. 'I mean what is the point in pretending that everything is fine and normal when it's not?'

'Stop yelling at me Damon, I'm just as stuck as you are-'

'But you're not though Bonnie because we're in this whole mess because of you!' Not a shred of remorse as he blames her, in fact his eyes even darken as he gathers up more ammo to fire at her. Her chin quivers a little and Kai can't tell if it's from sadness or anger. 'If you weren't so useless we'd be out of here by now, but no! Poor little Bonnie can't muster up a shred of magic to get us out of here!'

Wait a second...

'I don't have any magic of my own Damon. It's gone, what part of that don't you understand?'

Magic. Magic that's gone. Kai's flexing his fingers and looking all over the place as if there's someone he can yell his realisation to but he can only stand, mouth agape, as he puts the information together.

'The part where it's suddenly just left you and all I'm stuck with is a hollow, useless, annoying little girl!'

Bonnie's a witch with no magic. He's a witch with no magic.

She's a siphon.

The slap hitting Damon's cheek echoes around the empty aisles and Kai wishes he was paying more attention to have seen that. But he has no more time to wish for a rewind as Bonnie storms away, for a second Damon looks like he's about to follow her and pull her heart through her chest. Black veins have surfaced around his eyes and he assumes they're exclusive to vampires. Kai's got a whole second to pick a side but he only needs half, feet automatically moving to follow Bonnie. Once she's over the sliding doors she starts running. She starts running and doesn't stop until she's somewhere familiar. He puffs as quietly as he can behind her, irritated at how annoyingly fast she is. He slows his pace to recuperate and catches up to her as she's settles down on the porch steps of the house with a mahogany door. Hugging herself, she wipes away the tears that spilled as she ran. Her breath comes out in stutters as she struggles to balance the sobs with her own self assurance.

'I'm n-not useless.' She says to no one in particular.

Kai kneels before her, holding his fingertips close enough over her knee, bare in the purple shorts she's wearing, to feel their warmth. Not quite touching her, but close enough that he hopes she can feel the intended comfort. He's still not ready to reveal himself. Revealing himself while they're fighting would be an opportune time but it doesn't feel like the right moment yet.

Luckily for him, right moment or not, it means he's got Bonnie all to himself. A minute more in despair and she bites the inside of her cheek, fixing on his lips with a watery gaze. Kai indulges in the pretend that she knows what she's looking at and he lingers on her own. Before moving back to allow her to stand up and head inside the house.

They have a nice evening together. She makes Spaghetti for dinner, more than enough for herself and for Kai to pick at from the pot when she looks away. The large portion is probably in hopes that Damon will turn up and apologise (he doesn't). Then she picks a movie to watch.

The Bodyguard.

He's never seen it before. The Gemini coven weren't really big on movie nights. His father's idea of entertainment was publicly berating him in front of the family for not being able to do his own magic. His theory was the shame would help his son blossom. Evidently that theory went to shit, and Kai smiles darkly at the memory of his father's horror, when he reaped payback.

Bonnie sprawls out on one couch and he sits carefully in the armchair adjacent as she presses play. At the start of the movie he's not really paying much attention to it, glancing at her engrossed face, far too aware of the realisation that she's a siphon.

For the first time in a long time it feels like he's not alone. Not not lonely, but not alone. It feels like he's always been orbiting around the Sun, alone in a pitch black universe. With their arrival there are suddenly more planets in his solar system. But they're all stars while he's wondering comet. No light of his own to hold onto. With Bonnie though… he feels like he's finally found someone to crash onto. They could be empty together.

Who knew Whitney Houston was such a babe? They're already sleeping together- Oh my god she has a stalker- it's got to be the manager- it's always the manager.

'It is so the manager.' Bonnie whispers to herself as she pops a piece popcorn into her mouth. Kai tears his eyes away from the screen to nod in agreement.

At the moment Kevin Costner gets shot they're both unintentionally leaning closer to the TV only to flop back onto their respective sofas once the credits roll. He's so relaxed and absorbed that in his state of molten emotions he accidentally blurts out

'That's it?'

'That's it?'

There's a female echo to his voice and he looks over to his companion with instant regret. Her mouth falls in the same shape the question leaves on his. She thinks the words are her own. He's safe from discovery for now.

But far too pissed off at the ending to relax. Where's the closure? Do they get together in the end?

She stomps up to the VCR player and he thinks she's going to take it out and smash it against the wall. It's what he'd do. But no, she's taking it out and putting it back in again. A restart. Does she think there'll be a deeper meaning this time? He shakes his head, a little annoyed that she's not moving onto a different story. No matter how many times she restarts it, the ending will always be the same.

Halfway through the second rewatch he's already sure he would look like Kevin Costner if he ever got older. Bonnie's way prettier than Whitney Houston though. While he's musing away, a light snore begins to sound from her couch. Moving her would be too big of a gesture for someone who's not technically supposed to be there. So he settles for taking the throw, slung over the armchair, and draping it over her. In her sleep she stirs, pulling it from his fingers and wrapping it around herself. It's entirely possible that she wrapped herself up. Besides she was so tired he doubts she'll question it. He lingers for a moment, exhausted and ready to retreat to his own territory for a few hours. Out of an instinct swelling in his chest he runs a knuckle over her temple, brushing hair out of the way as a paltry excuse for the touch.

Kai steps back when he feels it and the table grunts at the motion. There's a low hum of magic in her veins.

That's not what he feels like.

When he searches for magic within himself he comes up hollow.

But there is magic inside her; a greying reef buried beneath the ocean. It's reaching out to him and… he feels like he can touch it, slipping into her waves to absorb it. It's begging to be used so why not? Closing his eyes he navigates himself towards her core, coasting between the cracks in a wall she's created to divide herself from her magic. Why would she do that? Unless it's an unconscious choice. At some point her magic caused her great pain and her mind has walled it off to protect her.

It means she's not a siphon.

She's a witch out of touch with her power.

And her magic recognises a wanting user, jumping gleefully into him. He takes it in small doses, focusing on not waking her as he does. Too much, all at once, and he'd jolt her awake. But like this and she's none the wiser. There's a tiny whimper and he stops. It shouldn't be hurting her.

He was around twelve when he figured out he could siphon without hurting people. Before that all he knew was that to get magic he had to pull it out of people. Pulling always meant hurting them. It was when he was trying to open up a jam jar he came up with the theory that he could take the magic without hurting people if he just adjusted how he took it. Brains, not brawn. He never told anyone that of course. If people thought they knew when he was taking their magic, if they thought they had some sort of warning, then it made them feel protected against him. Protected people were complacent. Complacent people were easier to siphon from. That and the fact that if he hurt someone while he was siphoning them then in made them fear him a little. He always liked that look. It was similar to the reverie in which people looked at his father.

By the time he's done he has enough magic coursing through him to last a week. His tiredness is gone, bones less achy, and he's practically dancing through the house.

In the morning when she wakes he has to hold himself back from making her breakfast and instead watches as she fumbles miserably with a glass of orange. A quick retrieval of the newspaper and she's spilling milk over cereal as she reads it for the tenth time.

Crunch.

'Another eclipse. What a shocker.' She mumbles through a mouthful.

Crunch and flick and she turns the page.

'10% off is not a sale.'

Crunch. Flick.

'Ugh.' He peers over her shoulder to see what's made her nose wrinkle in disgust, and feels his stomach tighten. 'Who names a kid Malachai?'

Crunch. 'It's like they expected him to be evil.' She tacks on for good measure.

Well that hurt.

More than he expected.

Like Bonnie's any better? He wants to say out of spite. What, they didn't have any other on the nose names like Joy or Hope? Out of pettiness he doesn't even give her a clue for 27 across.

'Eddie turned top 40?' She mutters, drumming her pen against the counter.

That old tongue twister. Eddie Vedder, obviously from Pearl Jam. The Pearl Jam song, Yellow Ledbetter. Josette was obsessed with the Album, kept playing it over and over again whenever she got her heart broken. It's on their A-side called Jeremy. But he'll be damned if he gives her any clues after she's bruised his ego. Also because he doesn't want to be discovered.

Even worse she finishes breakfast and goes back to the couch to fold her blanket. As she's folding she pauses.

'Wait a second.' looking down at the throw she suddenly realises. 'I didn't put a blanket on.'

He thinks that's the end of it. He's been caught red handed, half expecting the cloaking to wear off immediately. But instead of worry or anger at the realisation that she's not alone, she's smiling. Which means she doesn't think it's a problem. It wouldn't be a problem if- and why is she suddenly packing her things up? Heading to the door and hijacking a nearby car. He's left standing on the porch and almost breaks his hand with how hard he punches the wooden beam.

By the time he manages to find her all over again, she's standing at the front door of their joint residence, shifting from one leg to another and working up the courage to knock.

Before she can do that the door opens and her hair flutters at the speed. Damon's in front of her, drink in hand, looking less severe than earlier. Unfortunately the time apart has done them good and Kai's left watching her slip through his fingers.

'You know I can hear you right?' Damon says.

She ignores him and barrels on with negotiations. 'If I come back you have to be nicer.'

'You have to be less annoying.'

'I'm not annoying-'

For a glimmer of a second he hopes this will lead to another argument and she'll come back to the other house. His earlier cattiness has faded and now this thick feeling has settled over his gut. He's not sure what it is but it's instinctual knowledge that it'll go away if she chooses him over Damon.

'I'll try.' Damon cuts in. How can she choose Kai when she doesn't even know he's in the running?

'Good enough.' Bonnie steps over the threshold and for the first time since he's met her, Kai willingly goes back to his squat.


	3. Looking like a Bad man

He's his own person, able to function just fine before Bonnie and Damon arrived; or so he's convinced himself. It's easier to pine for a version of himself that never existed than to admit he's actually missing someone. Without anyone to hide for he drops the cloaking and spends half a day lying on the four poster bed, tracing grooves in the white ceiling with his eyes. Hour six comes and he decides it's just sad. A whole new town and the only places he's visited so far are their stupidly beautiful old boarding house, the house opposite, and Foodmart. Mystic Falls must get its name from somewhere. Time to find out. First stop is the Mystic Grill, the kitchen is equipped with an above average cooker (nothing compared to the ones in France) and he decides he's craving barbecue- purely out of hunger, not because it's the most fragrant thing he can think of and he's daring someone to come and investigate the root of the smell. Then he takes a particularly loud motorcycle ride from one end of the town to the other. All of this goes on without incident.

A few weeks later and he's explored every inch of the town, listening out carefully for any unexpected local citizens that might happen upon him. With a population of three he manages to leave Bonnie's magic, within himself, untouched, it lasts surprisingly long when he's not using it. No chance meetings with Cheech and Chong. No matter how close through the woods he finds himself wandering towards their residence- before reminding his feet that he's tuning out of that particular show.

Turns out the 'Mystic' part is just hyperbole on a waterfall on the outskirts of town, adjacent to the poorly named 'Wickery Bridge'. He starts skipping stones over the edge. By the fifth stone he's bored enough to imagine a certain witch happening upon him here, pretending to be surprised at seeing another person. What would she think of him? There would be no telling her the truth, that's for sure.

Kai's smart enough to realise he wants to go back and check on her-them before by the end of week four. What was he even mad about? It's been too long and for all knows her might be missing out on some useful information. Reasoning with himself that it'll only be once, and there's no need to make it an issue in his mind. It's natural curiosity. Plus he's bored and those two are just so damn entertaining.

She's reading when he climbs in through her open window. Head already inside, one foot on the desk, the other lifting off the roof tile outside and ready to join the other. He spots her on the bed. Lying flat on her stomach, a book open in her hands, legs in the air and derriere draped in pink silk shorts.

This was a bad idea.

He's moving back out when the desk gives the smallest squeak and all his limbs freeze. Her legs stop mid swing and her head turns towards the desk. In one swift motion she's sitting up and 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' is contracting on her cushion. Bonnie's sitting up on her knees with eyes wider than he's ever seen them. Worse. They're staring right at his own.

He forgot to cloak.

It's a stupid mistake. Careless. Especially when he could have sworn he did it on the way over. And it's cost him every single meet cute he was planning.

'Damon!' She yells and the vampire is there in a flash.

Well there's no going back now. He untangles himself and silently steps off the furniture, fixing two feet solidly on the ground, planning what to say.

So far the only strong opening line he's landed on is Hi. I'm Kai. Nice to meet you.

Bonnie points at him and he's expecting Damon to strangle the intruder but he just stands there, whiskey glass loose in hand as he looks in Kai's direction.

'I heard something.' She explains.

'That's it?'

'It was a squeak.'

'Probably the wind.'

'Damon since we've been here, every day from seven thirty until nine, there has been no breeze. It's the same day repeating, remember?'

Kai doesn't dare breathe in relief, he simply starts tiptoeing as carefully and slowly as possible out of Bonnie's line of sight. He knew he cloaked himself.

Damon seems to take on board what she's said and moves closer to investigate the desk and the possible causes of the noise.

'Nope.' He grumbles when he turns up nothing. 'Guess it was your imagination.'

'I didn't imagine it Damon.' She spits out, annoyed at the implication.

'Yes you did.' He bites at the 'Y's and raises her annoyance with anger. 'You imagined the noise, just like you imagined feeling your magic. Now admit that we're alone and let me get back to drinking away my pain.'

'God-damn-it.' Her words are breathy as she stumbles off the bed, taking a brown teddy by the paw, and shoves past Damon to the door. 'I don't know why I even bother.' As easy as that, she's storming through the corridors with Damon following her and Kai following him. Damon stops at the threshold of the door to watch her yank the handle of a car they've hijacked and almost sloshes his drink.

'And this time, don't come back.' He yells after her. It's pure ego and they're all aware of it. Damon would go crazy if Bonnie never came back.

Bonnie stands, hand on the open door- Kai uses the spare second to slip over the driver's seat and into the passenger one- and as reagally as possible, she gives him the middle finger. The headlights almost blind Damon as she pulls out of the driveway. Complete silence from her the whole drive long but she fiddles with the CD player, teddy in lap, blasting the Salt 'N' Pepa as they drive. She's angerier than he's ever seen her, not as sad as she was the last fight. From the passenger seat he can feel her temper radiating, filling the car with the intoxicating aroma of… magic.

Magic.

Her face is so focused he doesn't know if she can sense it, but her magic is slipping out in thin tendrils and if she really wanted to she could probably find a way to bring it out of retirement. The anger is making her stronger. It's brimming under her surface and wants to push through. Her fingers tighten around the steering wheel as she turns and he thinks it almost will, then it's gone. Just as quick as it was there.

This time they're not at the house opposite his own. They pull up to a charming little home, a single box window nestled above the beams holding up a cute porch. Complete with a neat green lawn fringed by trees and bushes.

She spends a second just looking at it before she and the teddy leave the car to head inside. He waits until she's safely out of the way before following her, slipping in noiselessly through the unlocked front door.

Inside it's just as quaint. Wooden floors, pictures adorning the walls, the lingering smell of baking. But there's something more about this residence. It's not just some suburban home. Candles in almost every room, dried herbs and plants in the jars along the kitchen counters, and the dead giveaway, an entire bookshelf in a small study filled with thick tomes that are so obviously Grimoires. He finds Bonnie cross legged in the living room with one such Grimoire open on her lap and a candle in front of her, concentrating as hard as she can.

'Phasmatos incendia.'

Does she actually think it will light? She's not even trying. The least she could do is channel some of the anger from earlier, but she feels about as empty as he usually does. Giving up quickly, she shuts the book and dumps it on the floor as she storms out. Kai takes this opportunity to inspect it closer, crouching down to examine the symbol on the cover.

No.

No way.

He shoots up and starts looking around the room, finding anything to prove him wrong. But a picture he dismissed earlier on the mantelpiece screams at him from the other-side of the room. Of a familiar witch holding a sleeping newborn baby.

It can't be.

He's hurrying silently up the stairs now and opening the door to the room on the left, stumbling into a nursery decorated with flowery walls and stuffed animals littered on a small quilted bed. On the bedside is yet another picture. This time of two familiar witches and the same baby but about a year older, sitting in the very same living room. She's in a high chair looking confused as Abby blows out the candle on a cupcake for her while Sheila is laughing in the background. He'd recognise the face of the witch who incarcerated him, and the daughter who helped.

Abby and Sheila Bennett.

She's young but he can make out their shared features. Kai hops down the staircase, taking the steps three at a time, and skids in on her sipping a glass of wine in the kitchen. How did he not see it earlier?

Bonnie.

Bon Bon.

Bonster Bennett.

He's nearly comatose on the sofa from the realisation and can't even muster up the strength to sigh as she joins him, curling up on the other side, after putting The Bodyguard on for the bajillionth time- where did she even get the dvd from, he hid it after their last re-watch.

The universe hand delivered him a pretty girl. A feat in itself, but then he finds out she's also a witch. Then, and here's the doozy, he finds out she's a Bennett witch. Grand-daughter of the woman who put him here. So all those times she was talking about her Grams sending her here, she was talking about Sheila. So many questions. The big one being, why would Sheila think Bonnie would be safe here of all places? It was she who made sure that he'd never be able to leave without Bennett magic, and now she's posted the key?

Hold on.

He's siphoned her.

Several times by now… Which means there's Bennett magic running through his veins. Not to mention the Grimoire sitting a few feet away from him that must hold the spell he needs. He could leave right now. He could leave as soon as tomorrow. Get out, meet the family, enact revenge on said family.

Bonnie sniffs from beside him and he cranes his neck to look at her. Of course if he left then it would mean she would never even know he existed.

Two decades he's been here.

What's a little more time?

Revenge will still be waiting for him no matter when he leaves.

It's stupid that he doesn't want to leave her behind. So he calls it gratitude instead. She's the entire reason he's able to get out, it's only fair to take her with him.

But Bonnie will never leave without Damon.

But Kai's met Damon, he's an ass.

It might not take a whole lot to convince her to leave him behind. He could play the little devil on her shoulder. It sends a little tickle through him to think of corrupting her in that way. Bringing her down to his level. Logically it would be the perfect revenge on Sheila, to turn her angelic grand-daughter into someone capable of things she would have deemed terrible.

The cogs whir in his mind. He could make her hate Damon. It wouldn't be hard. If they argue enough times Damon will ruin their relationship all by himself. And then Kai could swoop in and be the companion she wanted to be stuck with all along.

The crux of it all seems to be the fact that Damon is drunk. Then Bonnie will bring up something to irritate him, almost always about their situation. It clicks in the middle of the kiss scene. Whitney's running down the tarmac, landing on Kevin Costner's mouth, and Kai's mind is running with the idea- of the root of their conflicts, not the kissing part.

Hope.

When she gives Damon hope he always turns vicious. Hope is the one thing Damon doesn't want. Hell if he doesn't understand that. Understands, but doesn't empathise. Kai's not the hoping kind from what he can tell of himself. If he wants something he works for it.

A week after arriving in the Prison world he managed to find the Ascendant, and it was damn well hidden too. He's been spending time amassing enough magic to try and get out, the only problem is that it won't work because he needs Bennett magic. Bennett magic for a Bennett spell that he's still unaware of. All thanks to Sheila god-damn Bennett. He allows himself a second of spite before looking back at Bonnie, chin in hand and his finger crossed over his lips, with a thousand mile stare. She's the solution to all his problems and the universe just handed her over? It's got to be a trick. There's no way he's going to fall for it. The little flutter he gets in his chest every time he looks at her feels like a warning.

Be careful around her.

For now he's focusing on something he can use. A plan to help further along his master one of getting out of here, now that he knows he can.

On how to separate Bonnie from Damon.

Because he's going to reveal himself at some point. When he does he'd like to have Bonnie all to himself.

She goes to sleep on the sofa again and he's itching to put the blanket on her, but he's not going to make the same mistake twice. No matter how many goosebumps he can see rising on her arm, illuminated under the grey light of the static TV screen, he will not break. He can't risk her thinking it was Damon again and go running back to him.

He's planning all night and the next morning Damon turns up at her door with a bottle of tequila in his hands that Kai wants to smash against his face. Unfortunately Bonnie is in the way. She steps outside to meet him on the porch.

'It's taking me some time to adjust to this world Bon. And because of that I'm lashing out at you. I'm sorry.'

Don't be sorry idiot, just don't do it.

It's with great restraint he stays quiet.

Bonnie chews on his apology and for a hopeful second he thinks she's going to spit it back out at him. She even goes as far as to walk back into the house. But when she emerges holding the bear in one hand and car keys in the other he wants to yell. Instead Kai lets them go and watches the car pull away.

Alright.

Time to put the plan into action.

Time to make Bonnie Bennett hate Damon.


	4. Smooth criminal

The second fight he manages to cause between them, the sixth one in total, he starts by picking up Bonnie's cup and placing it a few inches to the right. She doesn't take the bait and assumes she's done it herself. But if she really buys that then why does she avoid drinking from it? She's doubting herself and it's indicative of how much Damon is starting to get to her. He's got to do something big. Big enough to cause a rift between them. The opportunity presents itself when she's practising magic in her bedroom. Candles surrounding her, thick lashes pressed together as she chants. Kai's crouched in front of her, watching the way her front teeth almost bite her bottom lip as she pronounces the 'F' in Phasmotos. She won't be able to light the candle and he's the reason why. Bonnie's was freshly siphoned last night and he may have taken a pinch more than he needed. In his defence he's got a lot planned and the magic is going to come in necessary.

He watches her try so hard to light it and with the smallest smirk and flick of his wrist he does what she can't for her. Bonnie's face lights up just as the wick does and she's scrambling to her feet, heading for the door, yelling for Damon to come quickly. By the time he arrives Kai's already doused the candle and returned the wax and string to their pre-melted and pre-burned states respectively. Like it never happened. There's a lot of 'I swear I made it burn' and 'You must have imagined it' being thrown around before Bonnie takes Miss Cuddles by the ear and leaves. This time she manages to stay away a whole week.

It's the most peaceful week they've had since arrival. She retreats to the mahogany doored house and spends most of her time trying to re-light the candle. He doesn't interfere and let's her try this time. If it works, all the better for him. She's his ticket out of here once she's got her magic back. They get a lot of movies watched and for the betterment of his sanity they only watch The Bodyguard twice. He really starts to appreciate how much the soundtrack carries the film, on the 85th re-watch.

They even cook together. She adds a few spices and when her back is turned he adds the correct amount to the pot. The result is that she finishes the majority of their dinner and barely leaves him any to mooch when she sleeps- which means she must have liked it. By the end of the week he's ready to reveal himself and has this whole bit worked out where he wonders down the street with a backpack, like a tourist, yelling 'Hello? Is anyone here?'. She'll come running out of the house in amazement and smile as he introduces himself as Kai, a fellow inmate who was trapped here. Last name omitted and avoiding his full name in case she pieces it together with the article.

Unfortunately Damon turns up, spanner in the works that he is, with a bag of feathers, candles, and giant box of chocolates.

'I believe you.' He says with innocent eyes Kai wants to gouge out. 'I believe you can get your magic back.' They spend the afternoon trying and Damon visibly tampers down his rage at each failure, in an attempt to make Bonnie think he actually cares. It's alright, it's fine. They've supposedly known each other for a while and Kai was naive to think it would take one fight to make her hate him. It just means he has to step up his game.

So he tries again.

She goes back after another week of solitude.

Then again.

This time she barely stays away for an afternoon.

Then again.

Three days away- but Damon brought her back this time with another shitty apology.

Then again.

Nine days apart, a record so far.

Each time she leaves Kai follows her immediately. Maybe that's where he's going wrong. Know thy enemy. The next time he decides to shake things up and stay with Damon, find out what makes him tick. He mostly spends the time moping about the Boarding house, drinking and looking at old photos.

Sitting on the floor of Stefan's room, he's sifting through a box of photos, focusing in particular on one of a pregnant lady with a sunshine yellow cardigan wrapped around her shoulders. He even broods over a picture of a baby blue chevy camaro- Kai swears he's seen it around town somewhere.

'Screw it.' Damon hauls himself up and goes to apologise once more. But when he opens the door Bonnie's already there, claiming she forgot Miss Cuddles.

'Please don't go.' Damon blurts.

Oh come on.

That much sincerity, coupled with the vampire's pleading blue eyes is a recipe for forgiveness. It's unfair how easily he manipulates her.

It's fine. It's okay, he rationalises again but it certainly doesn't feel like it.

She may have come back every single time but all this arguing is building up. Like electricity in a storm cloud. He just has to wait for the right argument to bring the lightning and tear them apart permanently. Besides, she only comes back to him because she thinks he's the last man on earth. When she realises he isn't, she's bound to come running into Kai's arms.

Fight number 11 is on a lazy morning- all mornings are lazy when you're in hell. Bonnie's just come back from her Grams' house, as he's learned having decided not to go with her and stay with groucho, Grimoire in hand. Damon puts the crossword in front of her and she audibly reels from it.

'What's a seven letter word for kill me now?'

'That joke got old six weeks ago.' Damon deadpans.

'And so did this crossword puzzle. Everyday for two months I've done this stupid thing and I still can't figure out 27 across. Old tongue twister. Eddie turned top 40?'

Damon's as stumped as she is and dumps two slightly more edible pancakes on her plate. She stabs them and Kai smiles wickedly. Her mood is terrible enough for this to work.

'And I hate pancakes!'

Damon bends down close to her ear, much closer than Kai is comfortable with, and whispers. 'Don't take it out on the pancakes.' Then louder and turning away he continues, 'Those pancakes, like myself, are waiting for you to be witchy and get us the hell out of here.'

Bonnie shoots up out of her seat and Kai heads for the hallway, plan in motion as he listens for the right moment.

'You know I'm trying.' She whines.

'And failing. Further evidence we're in hell. Not only am I stuck with you. I'm stuck with the useless version of you.' Damon's turning, getting angrier the more he thinks about it. Bonnie becomes slack-jawed, wanting to reply something equally as hurtful.

Now's the time.

Luckily Damon's been up and drinking since 5am, so he's not as sharp as she is right now. Kai takes the handle on a closet door, twisting the brass, and with a thud heavy enough for Bonnie to hear and Damon to ignore he pulls it open and slams it shut- running back to the kitchen to watch his masterpiece unfold.

'Did you hear that?'

'What would I have heard Bonnie? We're the only two people here. We were the only two people here two months ago we're the only two people here now!' He half shouts.

That's done it.

'Well I swear I heard something.' Good. She's sticking to her guns and regaining some of that trust in herself that Damon's been squashing out.

'Maybe it's the sound of existential despair. I hear that's what hell sounds like.'

Another mention of hell and she flips. 'You know what, You think we're trapped in your hell? I have to spend every day on repeat with the person I like least on this earth. Maybe we're trapped in mine.'

She takes the bear and leaves. For lack of an effort this is turning out to be one of their more heated brawls.

The funniest part of this is how hurt Damon has the audacity to look. Most days he's always picking at Bonnie about how annoying she is, how much he dislikes her, how useless she is without magic and how this situation is all her fault. Suddenly when she turns around and gives as good as she gets, he's the victim. It reminds him of someone. Someone who used to constantly pick at him for his lack of magic and then the day Kai finally exploded, he acted like he was just the victim. Oh, right. His father.

Bonnie's already in town by the time Kai manages to find her. She spends the day mooching around with the bear; deciding to give it, and him, a personal tour of all the things that have happened since she lost it.

The Mystic Grill is apparently where she had her first underage drink and had to pick up some girl named Caroline who was completely drunk over the diary-keeping vampire Stefan. In the house with the mahogany door, there's a room upstairs where she first admitted to Damon's girl Elena that she had magic. They swing by the local school and she proudly discusses her academic life with Ms Cuddles, while also stopping at a certain locker and almost rolling her eyes as she speaks.

'This is where Elena met Stefan.' There's slight bitterness but she doesn't expand on why and Kai doesn't even think she hears it in her own voice because she's chirpy again as she heads into the Canteen and talks about how she kicked the butt of some other vampire, named Klaus, in there. He almost shouts 'Oh my god' when she leads them down some tunnels under the school. How Indiana Jones is this? Even more shocking, Bonnie's dabbled in expression, she divulges to the toy.

Huh.

Maybe she's not as innocent as she looks. Maybe she's the bad girl he suspected all along.

There's slight awe as he watches her lead them through the stone underpass and up into the light again. Back in the woods she holds the bear up to a clearing.

'This is where I went to my first party. It was with the Cheer Squad.' Conspiratorially she adds. 'I had my first kiss over by that tree over there with Oliver Green.' She smiles slightly at the memory and then frowns. 'And then of course he kissed Elena five minutes later.' Kai's sifting between the image of her in a cheerleader's uniform and how suddenly morose she looks at the mention of Elena again. From everything he's heard of her, Kai's really starting to dislike Elena. What kind of a person must she be to fall in love with someone like Damon when she was already dating his brother? They wander through the trees to a wreck of a church. She steps over the rubble with ease as if she's done it a thousand times before, he follows her steps, and they stand before a stone slab.

'And this is where Grams helped Damon open the tomb for Katherine.' She sounds lighthearted as she says it but her leaking eyes are anything but. 'She died. Did you know that? Damon was the reason she died.' Her voice cracks at the last moment.

This is perfect. Almost too good. Damon was the reason Sheila died? Also Sheila's dead? He can cross her name off his revenge list. There's really no point in corrupting Bonnie if she's not there to suffer for it. While Kai digests the new information Bonnie's tears lead to a flood and suddenly she's breaking down completely.

He can't touch her. It's rule one of being cloaked.

'And now,' she hiccups, 'I'm all alone.'

If he touches her, she'll feel him there. She'll think he's a specter and go running back to Damon for protection. It would be stupid to do that when she's so close to despising him.

But her shoulders are shaking now and he feels that tug. The tug that brought him to her. He never lost it, like he feared and wanted. It's just nestled further up his abdomen and into his chest. Strange place for an emotion to be that isn't hate. She seems to be able to draw that feeling out of him. The feeling of not-hate. If he tried really hard, he could ignore it. Bury it with all his other emotions. Not right now though, while she's sobbing uncontrollably and crying out for his invisible hands to wrap around her shoulders.

'I'm always alone.' She's pulling the bear to her chest in a pathetic attempt at comfort.

Screw it.

He steps over the dead leaves on the ground and hesitantly places his palms on the tops of her arms, from behind her. She's got to be feeling it but she doesn't pull away- too busy spiralling to care about whatever ghoul that's been haunting her giving her a hug. Instead of pulling her into him, he wraps himself around her, moving his arms up and down her shoulders, bare in the sleeveless white top, to warm her up and pressing his front to her back in a standing spoon. When she places her own hand over her arms, crossing over her chest, her fingers catch the top of his and he almost pulls back as the strange spark passes through the contact. Magic, it must be her magic.

He bear-hugs her while she hugs the bear. Bonnie Bennett in any other mindset would be pulling away and running for dear life, but this almost broken version of her is dragging his palms across her skin to wrap tighter around her. Kai's too busy trying to steady his breath to realise she's stopped crying.

'You blame me for your Grams dying?'

He's imagining all the ways he can kill Damon when Bonnie plucks herself from the embrace, feeling the loss of her body heavy on his own. There's magic coursing through him but suddenly he feels a different kind of hollow.

'Yes.' Bonnie wipes her face, jutting her chin.

'Oh.' Damon answers.

'Oh?' Sniff and she steps forward, stronger, 'Oh? That's all you've got to say? You've done terrible things to the people around you and taken countless lives and all you've got to say is oh?' Even with the siphoning he can feel some magic begin to electrify the air around her. As if her own fury is beginning to manifest it out of spite. She's so much stronger when she has someone to hate. Probably a side effect of dabbling with expression.

Damon steps closer to her, out from the shadows. 'Why do you think I'm certain this is hell Bon? Because I'm hoping that after all the terrible things I've done that this place is my comeuppance. It's what I deserve.' There's a manic look in his eyes. 'Because I'm sorry Bonnie. I'm so god damn sorry for everything that I've done but I'm also sorry enough to realise my apology doesn't mean shit.'

Oh god this is a terrible speech. It's supposed to be impassioned and pleading but all Kai hears is droning. All he sees is red as Bonnie starts to cry again and she loses the anger. This time it's Damon who hugs her.

'I'm so sorry Bon.' He mutters over and over again. Then they're gone again. He's whisked her away at supernatural speed and Kai is left all alone again.

Back at the boarding house, hours later, they're sitting down to a quiet dinner of pancakes that Bonnie's requested. With the slight change of chocolate chips instead of blueberries.

'I forgive you.' Her voice comes out quiet, from across the table. 'Grams chose to help you.' Damon practically lights up at the sentiment. How very mature of her.

It's settled. The only way for Bonnie to be free of Damon is to kill him.


	5. Yellow Ledbetter

All the way back to his house Kai debates the pros and cons. Killing Damon is drastic. Not to mention the fact that when Damon goes missing Bonnie's going to automatically be suspicious of the only other person in the world- when he eventually introduces himself. Unless he kills Damon in some sort of freak accident and makes it look like he killed himself. The best way to do that would be after one of their fights. He starts planning. He's so sick of planning. But Kai has enough self-restraint to know that it's necessary. This time he makes sure to observe Damon's behaviour carefully as well as remaining close to Bonnie.

Since their catharsis in the cave they haven't been arguing as much, no matter how many doors Kai slams, objects he moves, or candles he lights. Bonnie is outright ignoring him and he's starting to feel a little pathetic. He's got to do something she can't ignore so he siphons her deeply one night, taking as much magic as he can get without waking her and ignoring the way she frowns in her sleep. Wandering through the house, scratching at the walls with his fingertips, he contemplates just ripping Damon's heart right out and then throwing his corpse in the river. Maybe write a pretend suicide note.

Sorry Bonnie, I just couldn't take it. You're better off alone than with me.

By the time he reaches the parlour the vampire's asleep, begging for Kai to do it. He moves over to him and perches on the table in front of Damon's slouch. Breath reeking sour as he snores softly, bourbon bottle clutched to his chest like an infant. But as Kai readies his fingers- how much strength does it take to break through ribs- Damon wakes up with a quick jolt, dropping the bottle, sloshing liquid and looking around in a panic. Then in a blink he's gone. Heading towards some unknown noise that Kai can't hear with his human ears. There's only one reason Damon would get up that fast.

Bonnie.

Kai's already running down the hall to her bedroom, expecting to find something terrible. And he does, in a way. Bonnie, sobbing once again, wrapped up in Damon's arms.

'Shhh, it's okay. I promise.' He coos, stroking her hair. Kai doesn't feel. He can't feel. It's the one thing about him that he likes about himself. 'Spit it out Bon.' Softly he adds, 'You'll feel better I promise.'

'It was a nightmare.'

Nightmare?

She doesn't show it, no tossing or turning when she sleeps.

'How many?' He's asks keeping his tone irritatingly soft as he pulls beneath the surface of what she isn't telling him.

She looks down. More than one then.

It's not jealousy. It can't be jealousy when Kai has nothing to be jealous of. Why would he be jealous of how she lets Damon touch her without recoiling? How, despite his best efforts, they seem to have bonded and they share a deeper understanding of each other that Kai isn't privy to.

'Of what?' He urges her on.

'Of when I was the anchor.' She sits up and elaborates and allows him to untangle from her. 'I'll be deep in sleep and then suddenly I start to relive the pain of when someone used to pass through me.'

'When did it last happen?'

'Other than now...' She thinks hard. 'Last week, the week before that… Pretty much at least every few days.'

Huh… These nightmares seem pretty consistent with when he's been siphoning her.

Kai frowns as he thinks only for the lines to straighten once more as he comprehends.

Maybe it isn't as painless a process as he thought. Why is she able to feel it when no one else has? It never hurts people unless he wants it to. Unless… Unless he wanted it to? No. That's not it. If that's not it then it must be her. When people are sleeping they let their guard down, they practically give their magic away. But even in her sleep she holds onto it. Her magic is so strongly apart of her in that way. Goddamn Bennett witches have to be difficult.

Kai Parker doesn't have feelings. But there is a slight pit in his stomach when he hears that he's the reason for her state right now.

The bedroom seems too small for the three of them and he's leaving before the walls close in on him, seeking refuge in the kitchen. Palms together, he rests his elbows on the table, chin atop of interlocked fingers. He's the bad guy even when he isn't trying to be.

Maybe that's all he'll ever be.

Maybe that's why he couldn't get Bonnie to hate Damon. Damon isn't the villain in this story. And it's a villain Bonnie needs. Someone to hate to get her strength back.

In his thoughts he picks up the black pen rolling on the wooden table and pulls the carelessly strewn newspaper to him. There it is. 27 across, glaringly empty with letters scratched everywhere but. Bonnie's able to guess everything but the one thing he knows and it's gratifying- one more secret he keeps from her. Time for honesty then.

Under the blanket of stars he leaves the house and begins to enact his plan, the months of planning coming into fruition with one small change. No more hiding. A blue camaro stands out in the bay of the hospital car park, keys nowhere to be seen, but Kai's had enough practice hot-wiring. On the drive over to the supermarket he starts to think about the best way to get Bonnie's magic back. She's stronger when she's angry so maybe it would be best to keep Damon alive. Her's and Damon's relationship is too far gone for Kai to make her hate him so that's out of the picture. Anger is still his best bet. One final argument between them. The mother of all arguments. He'll give Bonnie hope, and Damon will inevitably try to squash it. But then in an additional twist, he'll give Damon hope too, in the form of his precious car. Only to rip it away from them again. As he fills all the bourbon bottles with vervain, Kai hopes Bonnie won't come back this time. Let her leave and run as far away as she can. Run from Damon, run from him. Just run little girl.

He's done in time to join them for a late dinner to calm Bonnie's nerves. She's made chilli and for whatever he's missed, they're both looking particularly somber.

It's Bonnie to break the silence.

'I miss them too you know.'

Damon gives her a lopsided smile and picks up the newspaper beside him by way of acknowledgement.

'Look who got 27 across.'

She digs around the bowl looking wistful and Kai sits at the head of the table, leaning back to watch the interaction.

'I wish, 27 across is a rock I am pushing up an endless mountain.' He appreciates the poeticism. Especially when he's smashed the proverbial rock for her.

'An old tongue twister Eddie turned top 40. Eddie Vedder. Pearl Jam.Yellow Ledbetter. Good work.' He chucks it over to her for inspection and the expression on Bonnie's face is delicious. Green eyes blown wide. He really tried his best to make his letters look similar to hers but in his rush his 'E's still look a little squarey.

'Are you messing with me?'

'No. Are you messing with me?'

'I didn't finish this.'

'Well neither did I.'

Then she says it. All those times she felt watched, mysterious sounds, unexplained objects moving and that feeling- the feeling of someone touching her when she saw no result of all his hard work. Months of goosebumps all rolled into one realisation. From his seat Kai leans forward to catch a glimpse of the first step to his freedom, handwriting stuffed into suffocatingly small boxes.

Yellow Ledbetter.

'There's someone else here.' She realises.


	6. Black Hole Sun

It works better than he expected, if he expected it to go south quickly. No he's being harsh on himself, it's a little better than south. The situation is heading in a distinct south-east direction that he can salvage.

The ride up to the supermarket was fun, him cloaked in the backseat listening to Bonnie finally go off with her evidence, listing all the times she could have sworn she felt someone watching her.

'The window, the cave, the amount of creaks I heard all over the house- Damon all of it. It means I was right. You made me feel crazy.'

Finally. Kai rolls his eyes from the backseat. He's getting some recognition. And Damon takes it all in, silent and stoic as he drives them, waiting for her to exhaust herself on the topic. She takes the hint and dies down with the conspiracy run through, right up until they walk into the store. After arguing over who gets to drive the trolley, they end up both driving it in the most in-efficient way possible until Bonnie relents. She busies herself with the shopping list- and how cute is it that she wrote a shopping list- adding candles to the items in the trolley and Damon sighs. He's definitely not buying the whole 'someone else here' plot twist. It doesn't matter anyway. According to Kai's plan Damon's involvement collides with a stake to the heart and after that it's exit stage left please.

They argue through the aisles, Damon slowly disseminating Bonnie's well structured argument, chalking it up to her imagination (who sleep-crosswords?). All the while Kai listens and wanders the aisles, further and further away from them, anticipation buzzing under his skin. Grabbing some pork rinds from the shelf, he gets ready to let the pop of the bag be the first indicator that he's here.

His fingers are pressed to pull it open when-

'Pork rinds.' Bonnie says, pausing at the shelf.

She's good.

'Not on the list and ew.'

'No Damon,' she sighs, explaining 'There were pork rinds here on this shelf, There have been pork rinds here on this shelf on every trip we've had for the past four months.'

She's raising her voice trying to get through to Damon and he's turning at last.

Kai listens, leaving the pork rinds on a lawn chair. Opening them now would be too obvious and he wants this to be a spectacular surprise for her so he dashes outside.

Bonnie is the one to hear the merry go round and run out first, conveniently loud when there's no other sound to compete with, after the quatre he places clinks into the slot.

Almost beaming, smug looks so good on her, she says. 'Hear that Damon? That's what hope sounds like.'

This time Damon isn't silent by choice. He's speechless. There's no denying this. But Peter pessimist keeps trying, even cracking open the ride's circuit.

'It's gotta be a short. Faulty wiring or something.'

'Or somebody put a quarter in it and turned it on.'

Atta girl, Kai thinks, watching her swing around the horses, smile dazing her face. She's got it spot on with her explanations. Damon's a little slow so she lays it out for him. With another person in the picture it means they're not in hell. Which means they have a chance of getting out.

Right, right and right again for the Bonster. But Damon keeps pushing it away, refusing to play her game and answer the questions.

What is the first thing he's going to do when he gets out?

Damon doesn't want to entertain the idea of escape, let alone fall in love with the fantasy of what he's going to say to that Elena girl when they get out. Bonnie takes his admonish on the chin, rolling her eyes as he insults her.

'-But she was useless and didn't have magic-'

'-Damon.' She stops them, already spotting the second big clue preluding Kai's dramatic reveal.

'What?'

She shrugs, smug once more as she gestures to his car. 'Still think I'm useless?'

'That's my car.' Damon whispers incredulously, running to it like it's going to hug him. 'That's my car!' He hops in leaving Bonnie and Kai to watch him play driver. Two minutes into having his ass caressed by the leather seats and he's folding.

'I'm gonna tell Elena I love her.' Damon adds, face softening at the mention of his girlfriend, before adding for good measure. 'And then I'm going to apologise for killing you.'

Phase three now, Kai thinks. Time to start the last fight they'll ever have. He heads behind the van and flaps the tarp to get their attention.

'Did you see that?' Bonnie says, moving towards him. He lets his cloaking slip for barely a second, sure that his shadow has been spotted as Damon announces.

'I did that time, let's go meet our little friend.'

Friend is reaching.

And he's certainly not little.

Kai'll correct it to frenemies as soon as he gets the chance.

Hiding himself once more he suppresses a laugh, watching them circling the truck, Damon even gets on his knees to see under the truck. It takes him wiggling the tarp a little, the same way the wind moved it, before the hope splinters across Damon's cheeks, eyes drooping.

Man, this guy gives up so easily.

'It was a tarp. We saw a tarp.'

Kai places another coin in the slot again.

The music starts up as he speaks, 'And that-' thinking up of another excuse '-that is on a timer. That turned on by itself.'

'But your car?' Bonnie sticks to her guns, clawing at the hope that there's someone else and challenging Damon.

'I left it here in '94.'

He's reaching for that denial again.

'And the crossword.'

'You filled it out Bon'.'

Man, he's tiptoeing now.

Damon kicks something nearby and Kai can see the snap across Bonnie's face.

She's had enough.

This is it.

It's worked.

'Which means we're alone, in my own personal hell, with no Grams escape hatch. We're never getting out.'

'Give me your ring.' She says softly. So softly that it feels like the words are sliding up Kai's neck and slipping into his ears. Deafening him with how sonorous they are, exploding in his eardrums, shrapnel landing in his heart- he winces. He wonders for a second what it would be like to hear her talk like that to him.

'What?'

'I'm serious. All I keep hearing you say is that you have no hope.' Now she's as loud as she is angry, and she's trying to pull the ring from his hand, using her whole body against his arm. 'And that this is your hell. If it's so bad, why don't you end it?' Damon gives the tiniest shove and she is thrown back from him, stumbling and leaving Kai a little anxious. How much strength does Damon actually have? It doesn't matter, he's prepared.

'Hope is the only thing keeping me going Damon. So if you're really done, if you have none,' she shoves his shoulder with all her strength and it barely budges, 'then be done! Because this isn't helping.' Bonnie is going to cry.

He can see it in her sniffling and eyes pulling over that watery glaze, it's why she turns away so quickly. Hopefully it means she won't be back anytime soon, and he can show her what hope really feels like.

Hope is waking up in the middle of an empty world at the sound of a scream. Hope is watching the bodyguard a bajillion times to the point where he's committed it to memory and if called upon he could totally nail 'I will always love you.' Hope is knowing that when they get out of here the first thing he's going to do is eat at a restaurant. He misses good food that he hasn't had to cook himself or secretly pick from the pot while Bonnie's not looking. Then he'll find the rest of his coven and give them an excruciating death. Priorities, duh.

As expected Damon goes back inside for a drink and it all starts from there.

He can finally tuck into the pork rinds.

Damon finds him and it's all introductions, motives he even mentions baywatch at some point and his mind instantly turns to Bonnie in a red bikini- is he rambling? It feels like he's rambling a little. He's only a minute into a conversation with Damon and he's already been threatened, what kind of a person threatens some they barely know? He's feeling less and less conflicted about killing the vampire. He really sucks. The monologue comes to it's natural, well timed, conclusion as Damon spits out the vervain spiked whiskey and is rolling around on the floor. Kai takes this opportunity to let him know just how frenemtic they really are over the sound of the broken umbrella splintering his hand.

'You always fight dirty Damon.' These are Damon's last moments and Kai's going to use them wisely. There's no way he's letting this jerk die in peace and quiet. 'That time you and Bonnie played monopoly and you stole money from the bank-' there's no harm in admitting he's been watching them when Damon's only going to die anyway. '-Not cool.' He pulls out the ersatz stake and let's the vampire stand up, teetering anger.

'I'm gonna rip your head off.' he growls.

'No, you're not.' Kai swings for the bottles and watches the shards splinter onto his skin, burning as they do.

'I didn't know which bottle you'd take so I vervained them all.' Kai believes in credit where credit is due and he'd very much like some. And, oh. Oh, oh. Kai is enjoying this. Months of watching this asshole parade around town and take advantage of a good thing. He lifts the stake above his head, trying to find the right angle to balance traction and precision to hit straight through the heart. It's in the middle of the chest right? Man he wishes he paid more attention in Biology.

'Stay away from him.'

Damn.

Damn, damn, damn it.

He looks up at the moment his plan swings down to south-east. To match her honey voice he's got a pair of green eyes challenging his own. He's used to this. Used to staring at them, but normally there's this unfocused look over them and he knows they never actually seeing his own. Now though, there's no denying that she's looking at him. They're brighter when they're focused.

Shit.

She wasn't supposed to be here. She was supposed to go back to the house or somewhere far away, it doesn't matter just so long as she's gone. But no. Bonnie Bennett, like a bad cold, has come back. How much has she heard? There's no way to explain why he's holding a broken parasol to Damon's chest without coming off as the bad guy. She looks positively murderous- confused, but murderous.

She looks powerful.

Magic wafting from her.

She could access it so easily all she needs is a reason to.

He didn't want to do it this way. He wanted to help her get the magic out, coach her, train her, Mr Miyagi the power from her. But this seems to be working and the worst part is he knows why.

Fear, anger, hate- the strongest emotions bring out a person's magic. Kai knows this because it's what his father intoned in him when he used to try to beat the magic from him. This was back before he learnt the word for being useless was actually siphon.

His heart is sinking a little as he realises the only route back up to true North. She needs an enemy.

A bad guy to hate.

At least until she has her magic back. And he's already unwittingly volunteered himself, stake over Damon's heart.

'The useless one is here. Thank god.' It's mean, but it's not as bad as the things he used to get called but she still looks like she's been slapped. 'I've watched you try to do magic for months now. What are you going to do fail at me? It's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for you.'

He knows it's bad and he'll pay the price for it later, but honestly? It's a little gratifying to see how much that single sentence affects her. She's fuming, steam practically coming out of her ears. Tendrils of fury emanating from her.

For a second he's wondering to himself just how much power does she have?

Bonnie's wondering the same thing and turns to the candle beside her.

She barely blinks and it lights up, spiteful flames dancing.

'Uh oh.' He says, because as comical as it is, it's the only thing he can think of right now. Sucked in by her swelling aura he can't look away. All those months of following her around but this is the first time he can see her clearly. She's not some little doe cheerleader- and to be clear he never thought she was- she's a goddamn powerful witch.

This is her.

This is the almighty Bonnie Bennett he's been waiting for.

'Run.' She orders Damon. He zips out of there and it's just the two of them. Murder in her eyes and he immediately submits, glad it only took seconds for this to work so he can abandon the role of villain.

A clear 'Incendia' from her lips and before he knows it flames erupt around him.

Which normally he'd been fine with, except for the fact that flames+the alcohol aisle= a poor mix and while Kai can't die, Bonnie's another story. So he surrenders to get them out of there quickly.

'Giving up so soon?' She mocks as he glances at the heating glass bottles. 'I'm embarrassed for you.' Bonnie's smug little smile, passion dancing behind her dilated pupils, is the image burned onto his retina's before there's a high pitched ringing in his ears and everything fades out.

The next time he comes into consciousnesses he's tied to a chair in the familiar living room of the boarding house. Eyes open and he works his jaw loose, feeling the grogginess fade as the blurry shapes come into focus. He was so busy trying to salvage his plan he didn't actually get a chance to appreciate them.

Green eyes.

Huge when they're actually focused on him and he thinks how all of his fantasies were wrong. He couldn't have prepared himself for what it feels like to actually be seen by her. To know, while he's taking in how far away she's sitting- keeping him directly across from her- how tightly her lips are pressed together as she assesses him, or how alive she feels with her magic again, that Bonnie is doing the exact same thing to him. She's trying to look blank but it's obvious, written across her face.

She's curious.

Curious about him.

Eyes on him, he's in her head, running through her thoughts and It's electrifying knowing that. Kai's been cloaking for so long he'd forgotten what it feels like to be seen and he doesn't know if it's a sensation that's specific to her thousand mile gaze- he'd give anything to know what she's thinking specifically- but there are butterflies starting to infest his organs. The same feeling doesn't appear when he focuses his attention back on Damon and he's ecstatic.

'You're awake. Good.' Damon says, standing broodingly by the fire, poker in hand. God he's so obvious. 'Now for the Q & A portion of the evening.'

'Let me guess. I answer right, I get a pork rind. I answer wrong I get a poker.'

'What? No, no no. These are for me.' Damon leans forward with the tip of the poker pressed to his chest. You just get the poker.'

'Yeah you don't have to do that. We're on the same team.' He doesn't know if Damon can see him roll his eyes in the dark but he hopes he can feel it. This is not how he pictured things going, but Kai's exit strategy is to deny, deny and deny. As far as anyone is going to be aware this was all part of his plan. Damon was never in any real danger.

'Really and do you always try and kill your teammates?' Bonnie gets up and walks towards him through the shadows, coming to stand beside Damon.

Be cool.

Be cool.

Be cool.

'The important thing is that you have your magic back. It worked. You didn't really think I'd kill Damon did you? In what universe does that make sense? I wouldn't kill one third of our population. I'm not a monster.' Alright now he's just milking it, and it's a waste because Bonnie's not drinking it in. 'I knew Bonnie would show up. She always comes back. All 13 times. And I knew with the right motivation she'd be able to access her magic. Although I did get a little worried with all your bickering that Damon's life wouldn't be enough motivation but turns out it was. I guess that's just how you two show your love.'

He tries so hard not to sound bitter that it comes out too whimsically.

'So you did all that, just to make sure I'd have my magic?' She asks.

Of course he did. Of course he would. Of course he would do anything to help her get her magic back because he knows the kind of gaping hole you're stuck with when you have no magic. He would never want her to rot from the inside out. But he won't say that in front of Damon.

'Of course I did. Because your magic is the key to getting the hell out of here.'

It's a little more dramatic than he intended, maybe a smidge overboard, but damn it if it isn't satisfying as hell.

'Start talking.' Damon pushes the poker into the backrest of the chair.

'You know I'm actually really tired.' Kai fakes a yawn. 'Maybe I'll feel more like talking in the morning. Better untie me so I can pick a room.'

'Not a chance.' Damon replies- she's staying quiet. 'Have fun sleeping upright. Maybe in the morning you'll feel more chatty.' He thinks he's so clever, trying not to act desperate for the information. When he leaves there's a second where Bonnie dawdles, Kai let's himself hope it's because she wants to talk to him more, but then a sharp call of her name from Damon;

'Bonnie!'

And she's out the door with him, probably gone to regroup and gossip. Kai considers using the little magic he has left to free himself but playing the merry prisoner is an easy way to gain her trust.

Sleeping upright isn't exactly a picnic. He crosses his legs, uncrosses them, slouches, sits straight, leans his neck left, leans it right and he still quite can't get comfortable. Point to Damon. Right leg stretched, leaning on his left shoulder, elbow heavy on the armrest is the position that finally lets him drift into a light sleep.

But around 3am when he's awoken by the noise.

He knows the exact time is 3:18 am because he's memorised the way the shadows fall in this house at each hour of the day. He had months to unwillingly study it.

It's the sound of crunching that woke him, his eyes stay closed for a second as he listens better. A water bottle, soft footsteps, air scattering as they move past him and a faint thud as they sit down on the table in front of him.

'Couldn't sleep either?' He asks, finally opening them to look at her. 'But I suppose it should be easier for you in that big comfy bed.'

Bonnie walks closer and looks at him through narrowed eyes. He doesn't need to guess what she's thinking because she admits it anyway.

'You're the one who's been haunting me.'

He could deny it, make her feel crazy, but what's the point of that? Plus there's something so delicious about the way she says it.

Haunting her.

So he admits back, to being her ghost, by trying to hide his smirk and letting her deduce the yes from his dimpled cheeks.

'It was you who filled in the crosswords.'

'I hate that song. Yellow Ledbetter. Pearl Jam's great and all but it's just mumbling-'

'And you've been delivering the newspapers?'

'Nope actually, that one is not me. It's our humble hell resetting itself day after day after day.'

'Did you keep moving my mug?' Her eyes narrow as the allegations tumble out.

'Did you really think you just kept leaving it in the wrong place? Even that time I moved it to the patio?' and he lets out a snigger looking at her outrage. She's cute when she's annoyed, little line on her forehead as she figures out whether she's angry or not.

'How did we not see you?'

'I'm sneaky.'

She's quiet again, but this time he knows what she's thinking about. All those times she felt his presence and ignored it come bubbling to the surface. And he knows what her mind will inevitably rest on. She'll be rightly outraged, angry, throw around some ugly accusations, did you see me naked?

'Did you put a blanket on me when I fell asleep?'

His stomach does a backflip, vindicated.

'You looked cold.'

'You hugged me down in the caves.'

His adam's apple bobs as he swallows, throat suddenly dry.

'You looked sad.'

'How long were you watching us for?'

'Long enough to know that getting you angry was the only way to ignite your magic.' He has to get that in and he doesn't know why he wants to repeat it. The only way to save them. He was only the bad guy to make her stronger but that's done now and wants her to just see him as a guy. Horny teenage instincts kicking in.

'Who exactly are you?'

'I'm Kai.' Two word answer and she rolls her bright eyes in frustration. 'And that's all you're getting unless you want to free me.'

He waves his bound hands, tight against the grey duct tape. She doesn't even consider it, folding her arms to look at him in resentment.

'I'm not that naive. You want me to free you, show me that I can trust you. Answer my question.'

'I did.'

She scoffs, getting up to leave.

'Alright, alright,' he waves his fingers pathetically to get her to sit back down, not quite ready to lose her company. 'How about we play a game instead?' It's not Monopoly but it's just as good. 'I'll tell you three things about me- two of which are true and one of which is a lie.' He wants to appeal to her playfulness, loopholing his way out of telling her too much.

'Two truths and a lie? Is this your first slumber party?'

'Actually it is.'

Walking addicts weren't invited to sleepovers, not that he would have been allowed to go anyway.

She looks curious and he knows she's hooked so he adds on two other options.

'And Damon was the first person I saw in almost twenty two years and I've sat in the Oval office. Which one's the lie Bonster?' She frowns at the nickname but he likes it, Bonster, it rhymes with monster- other than the frown, she doesn't acknowledge it. That's all the permission he needs to carry on using it.

'Well,' she replies after milliseconds of deliberation. 'The fact that we're actually playing this means it probably is your first slumber party and if you've been here for as long as I think you have then you most likely have been to Washington at some point. So I'm gonna go with B as the lie.'

'Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner. Damon was the second person I saw. You were the first.'

Her lips stop forming whatever question she was thinking of when he says that. Instead they stay loose, half open to let in air and nothing else. He takes the opportunity to steer the conversation.

'Do you trust me yet?'

'Not even close.'

His chest is burning the more he looks at her and he feels control slipping.

'Tell me how we get out of here and it's a step in the right direction.' She says, face devoid of any of humour.

She's not playing anymore. It's no fun when she's serious after he's seen that playful side of her- she relaxes into it with Damon all the time and the vampire barely appreciates it. But if Kai wants to show her she can be that way with him he has to earn it. Bonnie's rules of engagement, play nice or she won't play back. Doesn't mean he won't stall for a long as possible.

'Fine. I'll tell you, but I need visual aids. I have a list of things I need you to get first.'

Long enough to keep her away while he thinks of a way to show her he's not so bad.

'What do you need?'

'You might want to get a notepad it's a long list, I'd hate for you to forget anything-'

'-I'll remember.' She waits expectantly. Fine she asked for it. 'Can opener, shower drain, grinding wheel, jam, pocket knife,' She doesn't even flinch as the list got longer and weirder, 'volume O of the encyclopaedia, a nail and a black marker.'

'Got it.'

The second he's done she leaves, he listens to her footsteps receding and hears the front door shut behind her. The further she goes the tighter his stomach feels, until he takes a deep breath and the feeling subsides, control returning. She'll be back soon and with all of the things he needs, right down to his preferred type of jam because he knows Bonnie only eats rapberry too.

Until then he tries to go back to sleep, but the same position just isn't as comfortable anymore. So instead he counts the hours she's gone, up until Sunrise when Damon waltzes in and heads straight for the bourbon.

Kai doesn't bother to sit up from him slouch.

'Feeling chatty yet?'

This guy she trusts.

The guy who thought this was his own personal hell.

What kind of person thinks that?

'Very.' Kai replies.

The guilty kind.

Bingo.

The best way for him to gain Bonnie's trust is to destroy her faith in Damon and he can get him to do that all. By. himself. To show her that he's not that bad in comparison.

'Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Washington D.C?'


	7. How you see me

**A/N: Okay so you know that episode of B99 where Gina dramatically leaves but then the next day she's back at the precinct and keeps insisting that she's still leaving? Yeah that's me right now. I was basically re-reading Yellow Ledbetter because I have nothing better to do in Lockdown and noticed so many grammar mistakes and everything and I'm very anal. So I'm proof reading it again. Now while proofing, I also noticed a massive story gap between chap 7 and 8 and there needed to be a chapter bridging that gap otherwise it left the story a bit empty. So here is that bridge and I promise I'm actually leaving now...**

Bonnie barely bats an eyelid when she figures out the end to Damon's, incredibly boring story. By 'figures out' he means she finally listens to Kai. And Kai only bursts out the spoiler because Damon's story is just. So. Boring.

You would think he could add in some gore here or there, maybe an explosion or two, but it's just this long, grimace-filled tale of how Damon killed a pregnant lady. Complete with three hours of backstory and a discussion about his relationship with his brother to even things out.

Like that redeems him.

But he puts up with the Salvatore's inability to spin a good yarn because of the unexpected end- not the whole "murdered the lady with a sprog" thing.

At the end of the story Kai gets Bonnie _all_ _to himself._

He's a little bit in disbelief when Damon leaves the room, going outside to do who knows what and who the hell cares, because Bonnie is now the only other person in the room- and to top it all off, drive him over the edge, she's staring straight at him. She's waiting for him to talk, he's supposed to tell her something…

Oh right.

The locator spell to help "find" the ascendant. Like the little metal wheel isn't already sitting snugly in his pocket. But he told them about the ascendant and claimed he couldn't find it all to waste a little bit more time in Bonnie's company.

You know, get to know her a bit more. And she can get to know him. Maybe realise he isn't such a bad guy.

If he plays his cards right he could even feel her hand on his chest by the end of this.

'So…' She prompts him, eyebrow arched- how can she do that so perfectly?

'Right… uh…' he looks around the room and heads for the bookcase, already knowing where the map is from several hundred snoops. Grabbing it, he lays it out on the satin covered tabletop and drops some of his bleeding fingertip onto the paper. He couldn't very well have gotten her to use her own blood. The thought of Bonnie bleeding doesn't sit right with him when there's a hundred year old vampire around.

'And what's this thing called again?' She moves her eyes down to the map, becoming all business.

'An ascendant, you know like a thing that works with the eclipse.'

'Right, I get that. But I'm just wondering _how_ you know all this.'

She's so smart, way smarter than Damon. But her problem- actually it's Kai's problem- is that she asks too many questions. How can he tell her that he knows all this because this Prison World was built specially for him, after he murdered his siblings, because his sister refused to merge with him so he could become coven leader and fix his siphoning problem- something his father spent most of Kai's life trying to do.

'I figured it out.' He supplies, coupled with a dazzling grin.

She squints, maybe the grin was too much- but he's a little nervous and he chalks it down to his lack of human interactions catching up to him. Jesus, if he's this bad with her now, how awful will he be back in the real world. And for a second, amongst all the anxiousness, he lets himself bath in the hope that there _will_ be a real world again. Just so long as he's got Bonnie on his side.

Her self preservation overrides whatever scepticism she has and she clears her throat.

'_Phasmatos Tribum, Nas Ex Veras, Sequitas Sanguinem._' She chants.

Nothing happens, he didn't think it would just yet but he wanted to see her try, have her look at him, listen to him, test her power. Plus she's not even trying, which means her mind is somewhere else. He'd like to help her find it.

'Maybe you need a break.' He lies. 'You used a lot of magic to trap me in a burning ring,' and he tries to sound a little offended to spark her guilt but he can see triumph flashing behind her eyes.

Bonnie doesn't react to things the way he thinks she will. Damon, he's pretty much got figured out. Selfish, hopeless, aggressive. But Bon Bon keeps on surprising him. Watching her, he thought she was the compassionate one- empathy pouring out of her. But she doesn't look very empathetic towards her bleeding saviour right now. It's fine, his cut has almost healed anyway. He can't pinpoint her feelings and manipulate them like he can with other people.

Other people bore him.

'It really didn't take that much.' She drawls, sounding smug as she looks up at him.

They stay like that for a second, maybe a minute, possibly an hour, it's hard to understand time when he's wading through her gaze. Until he breaks the tension. He wants to break it by throwing her onto the table, ripping off her denim overalls and lace pink shirt, and fucking her as her fingers twist into the rose fabric. Instead though, he offers up a single, frustrated word;

'Coffee?'

'Sure.'

Kai makes his way into the kitchen, letting out a deep sigh and rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. It feels easier to breathe when they're not in the same room.

So why is he craving her suffocation?

Making their drinks- coffee, milk, honey instead of sugar for her because she doesn't like the taste of sugar, he heads back into the room and holds out her favourite brown mug for her to take.

'Thanks.' She says warily as she takes it, not sounding very grateful. But when she takes a sip he swears he sees her eyes roll into the back of her head and that's all the gratitude he needs, smiling into his own black, sugar loaded beverage. Dark and sweet, just how he likes it.

'Better?' He asks.

'No.' She puts the mug to the side and stares at him head on. She needs to be careful when she does that. It feels like he's looking directly at the sun and he tries not to squint back into her green eyes as she scrutinises. 'I still don't trust you.'

'What could I tell you to make you trust me?'

'The truth?'

'I am telling you the truth.' He lies. It's effortless, an anchor dragging through water, but slowing down the process of good faith. Bonnie rolls her eyes and ignores his false statement completely.

She really is just as desperate to get out of here as he is because she tries the spell once more. Chanting again, but this time with even less conviction. Her conscience isn't as desperate to get out of here as she is. Finally Bonnie sighs and stops trying. Licking her lips she looks up at him and waits.

This time he can't figure out what she's waiting for. It's like there's this conversation going on around him between her and the spirits and he hasn't been invited.

'_Who_ are you, Kai?' And she says his name like an accusation.

'_Who_ are you Bonnie Bennett?' But his cutesy comeback doesn't work so he has to give an answer.

A careful one, because he still can't tell her the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help him magic. 'I'm from the Gemini coven.'

She looks blank and he's relieved, if she hasn't heard of them it means she hasn't heard of _what_ happened to them. But that look is also filled with expectation that he feels the need to fill. 'Ironically though I'm actually an Aries. And one day I appeared here, just like you.' Not technically lying, and somehow that feels better than a bold face deception.

Bonnie continues looking at him, eyebrow perfectly arched and they spend a hot second in a staring contest. Until she finally turns around and reaches for her mug, taking a long sip before nodding.

'I'm an aquarius.'

'Hmm,' he takes his own cup and mimics her, peering over the porcelain to stare at her puckered lips. 'Uncompromising, humanitarian, _unique_.' He lists off her good traits in the hopes of getting on her good side.

'Impatient, impulsive, aggressive.' She lists off his bad ones to let him know she's still suspicious. But they're talking, and that's good right? 'Tell me something, _Kai,'_ and his name still sounds like a swear word coming from her- good, he fucking loves cursing- 'if you just _appeared_ here, then how do you know so much?'

His cup hits the edge of the table with a thud, liquid spilling a little as he sighs. Bonnie's completely unaffected by the change like she expected it, provoked it, even. And when he steps closer to her she stays exactly where she is, rooted to the spot.

That's unexpected. Whenever he gets close to someone, back when he used to have the opportunity to do so, they always step back. Those people were always aware of what he was capable of but Bonnie- Bonnie is a blank slate.

'I figured it out.' He lingers on her lips a little too long as he replies, imagining what they must feel like. 'Like you and Damon figured out that the same day keeps repeating itself. My coven were skilled at making these kind of Prison Worlds. I got zapped here by my family when the other-side was collapsing.' And BOOM, she buys it. Why wouldn't she? It's simple, yet effective. Answering all her questions. It's her own story, told back to her. Yes, it's a lie, but boo-freaking-hoom so long as they can get back to it.

Bonnie licks over the teeth in her mouth and he can tell because he sees the outline of her tongue against her heart shaped lips.

'Alright.' She replies, giving him the easy way out. He can see it in her eyes that she doesn't fully buy his answer, but he can also see her bending over the map- ass presented as she stares at useless information. 'A locator spell is fairly simple.'

'So it shouldn't take too long?' And he steps closer as his voice drops an octave.

'Not long at all.' She affirms, staring at his lips - _at his lips-_ there's no mistaking where her eyes rest. But why would she look there? Is she trying to spot his dishonesty at the source?

'So then we have time?' And his own arms mimic hers as he throws it out there. As expected she looks confused.

'Time for what?'

'Another game.'

She scoffs but doesn't move away. 'What game?'

'21 questions.' It's only fair that he would be curious right back. Bonnie's not the only one that gets to ask intrusive questions. Why should she get all the fun?

'I can think of about 50.'

'Let's split the difference and go for 25.'

'Alright then, who _are _you Kai? And don't bullshit me with the horrorscope crap.'

Did he mention how much he loves hearing her swear?

He spends her next forty nine questions dodging the truth and weaving between honesty, while also managing to ask his own questions. _Favourite colour, favourite food, where is she from, how long has she been a witch, how did they get zapped here _(as if he doesn't already know, but he has a pretense to keep up), _favourite animal, favourite song_\- she likes some obscure band called _Green Day _that he vaguely remembers and insists they got bigger after 1994- and finally he goes for broke with question number twenty-four. By this time he can tell she's a little exhausted and so is he from talking so much, something he never thought would happen. It's a wonder Damon hasn't come back to interrupt them but baby-killer is probably busy brooding.

'What are you thinking?' Kai asks, the second to last question comes after finding out her favourite pizza topping (he doesn't know if he can forgive the pineapple.)

Bonnie pauses to take in the words, genuinely thinking them over. It feels so good to have someone listen.

'I'm thinking,' and Bonnie takes a long sip of her coffee while he watches. 'That you're a guy who just mysteriously appeared one day and has _all_ the answers.' She holds the cup under her chin, 'and I think you're too good to be true.'

He smiles, eyes glowing. No one's ever thought he was _too good_ before.

_Too good._

It's hilarious.

So he automatically corrects her, 'Who said I was good?' before realising that maybe it would have been smarter to let her think he's better than he actually is. A flare of panic- he's worried he's given the game away before winning- but then, then _she_ smiles.

Not a happy one, not her smug one, not her shy one; this smile is new.

He's never seen her look this way at Damon and he's confused about what it means. Fixed on the way her lips quirk, he barely registers the soft glow of the candles burning brighter as her magic begins to wrap around them. It makes him want to lean in and inhale the scent deeply, like the sweet warm smell of a bakery, but the feeling- the pull- feels like it's dragging him off a cliff. There could be a nice cool lake at the bottom to cushion his fall, or there could be rocks to break him. Either way he doesn't want to plummet.

So he clears his throat, steps back and shatters the spell.

'Last question,' he says, and then they'll get back to business, 'how can you forgive Damon for everything he's done?'

The expression drops from her face, no more coy stare, instead she looks down. His question isn't accusatory, at least he doesn't think it comes across that way, softly spoken with a lilt at the end- he's asking for future reference. Bonnie bites her cheek when she looks back up, eyes distinctly greener in her resolve.

'I can't speak for who Damon used to be, but the Damon I know now is trying his best to be better. Sure he's done awful things, but he doesn't care about being _seen_ as a bad guy because he's actually trying to _be_ a good person. And constantly throwing his past back in his face isn't going to prove he's a bad one, it's just going to make me- or whoever's doing it-' and she gives him a pointed look, 'worse off.'

At the risk of drawing his attention back to how long he watched them for, he adds 'but he was so _mean_ to you. He called you useless.'

'You called me useless too.'

'Only because I heard him say it and knew it would anger you, which would get your magic back and ergo _help you_, so really I'm not the bad guy.' He defends quickly.

'I thought you weren't good?' She frowns, eyes big and the smug smile makes a joyous return.

'Are you using my own words against me Bonster?' Kai drags his fingertips along the edge of the table, already forgetting about any danger of a falling as he gets close enough to smell her again. 'Gotta say that's hot.'

He's flirting. Out loud. On purpose, and quite obviously.

'I think that's 25 questions.' Now it's Bonnie's turn to step back. Clearing her throat, suddenly all too aware of the very real stranger flirting with her. 'Let's get back to it shall we? _Phasmatos Tribum, Nas Ex Veras, Sequitas Sanguinem.' _Bonnie chants again, focusing on the drop of his blood over the dot labelled Portland.

But when nothing happens as he expected she looks less worried and more frustrated. 'It doesn't feel right, maybe I need a bigger map?' But deep down inside she knows that's not true. Kai's giddy because it means he affected her a little and if he can affect her the way she does him then he really isn't alone in this.

Damon chooses that moment to interrupt them, dumping one of the dad's nightmare newspapers onto the side table as he does.

'Or maybe you're just out of practice and you suck at magic now.' The vampire drawls, pouring himself another drink.

Kai jumps in, gleeful that Damon's making Bonnie regret defending him so valiantly earlier. 'Ignore him, Bonnie, pretend he's a white noise machine. That's how I used how I used to tune out my siblings,' chicks love a guy who's good with kids, and she doesn't know he murdered them yet, 'I grew up with a ton of little sisters and brothers,' he makes an excuse to walk towards her and the way she steps closer and angles her body towards his doesn't escape his notice, 'all of them constantly yammering. But it… uh,' he's thrown for a second as she looks up at him, this is the closest they've managed to wander towards each other, 'taught me to focus.' He finishes by taking one good leer at her lips. Her lips are quirked up in that smile again- the one he doesn't understand. Until finally he looks back up to her eyes and sees them focused somewhere else.

Not on his own gaze, oh no. They're on _his_ lips.

Maybe… maybe she's looking at his lips for the same reason he's always looking at her's.

She wants him too.

'Easy there, big brother-' Damon's jibe snaps their heads towards him, breaking their locked gaze. 'She doesn't even know you. At least buy her a drink first.'

He may be imagining it, but it sounds like Damon is jealous. The vampire downs the whiskey and slams the glass onto the bar before storming back out again.

'Gotta be honest Bonster, who he is now isn't looking too great either.'

She rolls her eyes and sighs. 'Alright stop distracting me. I'd like to find this ascendant and go home.'

Kai happily backs away, watching her with renewed fantasies of a place he's never really known.

_Home._


	8. Kneel before you

After a certain point Kai has to let go of his fantasy of Bonnie ever having any positive feelings towards him. He's made himself a villain and that's all he'll ever be to her.

And yet, even after she finds out what he did to his family, he still holds on.

Yes he has to siphon her that evening, threatening her into saving herself since she insists on playing Miss Martyr, but he only does it a little. Barely a sting. She knows what he's capable of now, all cards on the table, and it's as honest as he's ever been with a person. He's convinced himself she's on his side, albeit begrudgingly but they'll do this pass/fail, because she and Damon still meet him in the woods the next day. He swears he even hears them mention his name.

Kai leads them to the spot where they need to dig while he goes and gets his backpack, heading to his own temporary residence for hopefully the last time. He takes advantage of his moment alone to sort through what he'll need in the future. Clothes, no; magical artifacts, yes; CDs, no (Bonnie mentioned something about an Empeethree); Zima, yes (Damon mentioned how glad he was it was discontinued during one of their shopping trips). After agnosing over his page, there's no way he's giving up his digits 555 HIKAI, he heads back and is ecstatic to see the digging is almost done. Bonnie's gladly letting Damon do all the heavy lifting.

Good for her.

When they begin talking, she doesn't even look afraid of him. Unfortunately, she figures out that he doesn't actually know the spell to get them out of here. He tried looking in her Grimoire after she fell asleep one evening, but pesky Bennett magic hid it from him. Oh well. The ball is in Bonnie's court. She's got a little power over him and maybe that'll make her feel better about being strong armed into getting them home. So long as Kai doesn't hurt her and shows her that he's not all bad, maybe there's a chance she could-

But then the axe buries itself into his chest and the fantasy dies with Bonnie's unforgiving gaze.

Kai has killed plenty of people in his life, but Bonnie is the only person to have ever killed him.

Admittedly, it's not an entirely unpleasant feeling. Usually he's the one killing himself so he's all focused on causing a mortal wound and so stressed out about whether it'll work, how long it'll take, or if this death will be more permanent than the last, that he can't enjoy the feeling.

Bonnie takes the stress away and all he has to do is fall back and relax into the purgatorial bliss of nothing. He wonders, briefly, if he comes back when his death is caused by someone else's hand but shrugs it off as he's fading. Body still standing, he takes this all in, it's only been seconds but he finds his mind always speeds up as he's dying. So the few seconds he has left he spends staring at her face, savouring it.

Because it's appetising as hell. The best thing he's ever seen. She's a three course meal laid out in front of him and he wants to eat her up.

Shock is the starter, She didn't think she had it in her.

Regret for mains, it's so distinctive and he lights up at the sight of it and he mirrors her shock because what have you done Bonster?

But she quickly masks it which leads to resolve for dessert.

Bonnie didn't mean to kill him but she'll stick with the choice. Who needs a restaurant, he thinks as the world starts to spiral. Any other emotions she experiences are lost to his line of sight, all spinning grey treetops now. It doesn't matter, he can rest for a second or two but he's definitely coming back. Because there's no way he's going to let her leave him behind. Not when he wouldn't do the same.

By the time he wakes it's been way longer than a few seconds. The eclipse is about to start and he's got the tiniest bead of sweat curling down from his hairline.

Panic.

When he panics he makes stupid decisions, like murdering most of his coven. Now in that particular instance he doesn't regret that stupid decision. Own your mistakes right? But he starts listing off the consequences of this particular stupid decision.

Shooting her in the stomach with an arrow.

She's hurt, which means she's not going to be strong enough to get them out next eclipse; she hates him, and there's no way she'll trust him; she can't leave him now. The last consequence outweighs the others, sinking benefit. Kai scoops up the bits of broken Ascendant to stuff them, along with bits of dry dirt from the cave floor, into his pockets. All the while he keeps replaying how she still managed to send Damon home while she was bleeding out.

Damn girl.

Bonnie's slumped over by the wall, faint sound of her breathing announcing that she's still alive. As if there would be any doubt. He's had years of nothing but solitude and things to play with, he's mastered most of the toys. Shoot to wound, not kill. He crouches down over her and lifts up her shirt. There's a gutteral sound from her that means she's still awake.

Good. Company on the way back.

'Relax Bonster I'm just trying to get a good look at the wound.'

'Leave me…' she mumbles, eyes struggling to stay open. 'Alone…'

'What so you can die of exposure and we both stay stuck here for the rest of eternity? Me, my youthful, handsome self of course,' he leans forward onto his knees and as gently as he can, he scoops under her shoulders and knees, lifting up slowly. ' And you, a rotting corpse. No trust me Bon, you need my help. I'll even be nice enough to forgive you for murdering me.' She's stiff in his arms as they make their way out of the cave and back into the daylight, which means she's still awake and listening to the sound of his voice even if she can't reply. When her head starts to loll onto his shoulder he gently bobs it to get her eyes open again.

'Hey, stay with me here Bonnie. Can't fall asleep until we're sure it won't kill you.'

But her head stays on his shoulder and her whole body sags. Kai slows right down, his torso going numb against her cold body. This isn't her Prison World. She can still die.

'Why did you do it?' Her small voice comes out muffled from the folds of his shirt.

She's not dead. Just sad. And the feeling comes back, of the outline of her body tucked against his chest.

'You killed me first.' That's all the justification he offers for shooting her. There will be no sorry.

'Them.' She says, not bothering to elaborate.

Oh.

Not her, his coven.

Bleeding girl in his arms, broken Ascendant in his pocket, he's not where he wanted to be this morning and now he's got to deal with the inquisition. Half of him is expecting Damon to come and interrupt them and the other half is scarily aware of the fact that he's not here to buffer. It's just them now. And she wants an answer. It's the least he could do, he's injured her body, he could give her a little of his soul.

No. That's not him.

Bonnie was a fun distraction but now she's getting in the way. He was right about her the very first time. Be wary. This feeling in his gut isn't pulling him in, it's warning him away.

When her breathing becomes even he knows she's fallen asleep- asleep, unconscious from trauma, it's all the same thing- leaving him anticipating the moment her eyes will open again. He places her gently on the sofa of the Salvatore living room and gets to work cleaning the wound as she's passed out from the pain. It'll heal without stitches and with the help of her magic, so he doesn't need to do much. And it'll leave a wicked scar too. Something for her to remember him by no matter how this ends.

There's nothing much to do now except wait for her to wake up. He's not worried, she'll wake. But it's frustrating how long it's taking and he debates taking her magic and leaving, doing what she was going to do to him. A taste of her own medicine. Bonnie Bennett could forgive Damon Salvatore, the guy who basically killed her grandmother, murdered multiple people, including a pregnant lady and was just the-absolute-worst.

So why can't she forgive him?

Kai finds Ms Cuddles and places her on Bonnie watch, perched on the corner of the couch looking down. Then he goes to pick one of the red sunflowers from outside, dumps it in a vase on the stand by the teddy bear. There. Something pretty for her to look at when she wakes up, and hopefully put her in a better mood. It has to.

They're even now. One kill each and they can move past this.

Look at that, Bonnie's hope is starting to infect him.

She finally stirs while he's tinkering with the broken Ascendant. Metal clinking purposely loud as he works, the last cog is kept apart from the rest, hidden neatly in his pocket. Failsafe.

'Oh look who's awake.'

She sits up tentatively and he puts it down, giving her his full attention.

'How do you feel?' If he sounds concerned, it's only to play on her compassion. He knows she'll be fine.

'Like you shot me with an arrow.' She's got a lot of indignation for someone who murdered him only hours ago.

But he walked right into that, how else would she be feeling?

'Right. Anywho I have no idea how you managed to shatter the Ascendant into a billion pieces. But we need to put it together before the eclipse at 12:28.' His subtle use of we is to remind her that he isn't holding a grudge. 'You want to help? I know you're a puzzle person.'

'I don't want to help. You're a psychopath.' It shouldn't sting but it does. 'This place is your prison. I'm not letting you out. Besides you'll just kill me the minute we get out.' She's on her feet, swaying a little but standing resolute.

So she's a hypocrite. She let baby-murdering Damon out, practically pushing him through the supernatural door. Nope. She'll never trust Kai, but he still doesn't want to leave her behind. So he'll have to kamikaze this, save her from herself again.

'You've been through a trauma.' Kai gets up. 'Your memory is probably a little fuzzy. So you might be thinking your magic will protect you. But all I have to do is hold your hand,' it's as soft as he was expecting, crackle of electricity between them at the smallest touch 'and suddenly your magic becomes mine.' She leans into him, collapsing and rebuilding herself in a loop of pain as the magic leaves her, sputtering at the hurt. 'Huh what's that?' He turns his ear to her mouth, feeling her warm breath fanning his cheek as she struggles. 'You're gonna do the spell and finally get us home?'

That seems to be her breaking point and she collapses to the side, swayin— 'Hngh!'

It's not a graceful noise to come out of him.

But she pierces the pen through his windpipe with a squelch rendering him mute.

The second time Bonnie kills him he's less enthralled and more pissed off. He doesn't like being murdered by her he realises, looking up at the Salvatore living room ceiling, as his vision fades. It hurts beyond the pain.

He wakes up to a silent house, body splayed out at an awkward angle on the carpet. Spite wills him back to life quicker than before. Not quick enough because she's gone, and so are the pieces of the Ascendant.

'Damn it!' He flips the table and watches it smack against the fireplace. Hands fly up to his pocket and he breathes in relief. The cog is still there. Without it she can't escape, she can only run.

He found her when she was hundreds of thousands of miles away, he can find her again.

Kai locates his backpack and starts re-filling it. No more Zima, thanks to Damon drinking it all while he was dead, but he can live without. He siphons a few magical necklaces he picked up in Salem before dumping the useless metal on the floor to make space. Leaving enough room for him to bring along Ms Cuddles, toppled over, unappreciated where he placed her- he's oddly uncomfortable at the thought of leaving the bear behind too.

The pull leads him to the hospital, where else would she go, and Damon's car is unlocked outside. Keys in the ignition, she isn't expecting this to be a long stop. Popping the hood, he unplugs a few wires then dumps the rucksack into the boot. Maybe scaring her a little more will get her to stop being so damn difficult and just leave with him. Outside, he locks every single exit except the main one, then heads inside to look for her, following his gut.

He finds her trying to fix the ascendant and spends a moment watching her fingers work. She's faster than he was the first time he assembled it, realising she's missing a piece within seconds. What would she have done? Gone back to the house and killed him again or realised the only way out is to play nice? He hopes it's the latter but knows she's ballsy enough for the former. Then at the moment of her realisation he whispers 'Tenebris.' Turning off the fluorescent bulbs and leaving them cast in shadows and natural sunlight, pouring through the narrow hospital windows.

Bonnie hates horror movies, Kai hates being murdered.

'Looking for this?' Kai cuts her off at the bottom of the empty corridor.

When she sees him she doesn't show any fear. Maybe she doesn't show it, but he caught the way she shivered when the lights turned off. He holds up the missing piece and now she looks angry at herself for forgetting it.

'You stole the Ascendant, naughty girl. You weren't planning on leaving me behind were you?' Bonnie's sweating buckets and barely able to walk. Just look at what she's done to herself. It's a good thing he's found her in time. 'You left a trail of blood in the driveway. I figured, where else would you stop and play nurse?' Because how is he going to explain to her that he just happens to know wherever she is?

'Vatos!' Bonnie screams back.

He shrieks as the light above explodes and a trolley hits him square in the face, sparks nearly blinding him.

She won't play.

Going after her is pointless when they're headed to the same destination anyway, so instead he'll meet her at the car. Sliding into the backseat, cloaking himself, he waits. He waits, wondering what he's going to do when she comes. She won't listen to logic and reason. Bonnie is a creature of emotion. The only way to reason with a creature of emotion is to get emotional right back and right now he's feeling angry. Furious, when he sees her limping out of the automatic doors towards the car.

The game of cat and mouse culminates in him reaching his arms around the driver's seat to pin her in place, lips pressed right to her ear as he speaks low. His palm is big enough to wrap around the entire column of her neck, smooth skin trembling under his touch.

'Get off me!' She snarls, legs kicking uselessly against the dash. Her magic careens under the surface as she thrashes. But he squeezes his fingers until he can feel her trachea, the heat from her neck crawls all the way up his arm and drips right down to his stomach. Bonnie's not using magic against him which means she's scared he'll siphon it if she tries. Good, she's learning. The more she struggles the tighter his hand crushes until eventually she stops moving- realizing that he's operating on a snake like tendency. Part of him doesn't want to stop squeezing, it wants to be able to feel every bump along the side of her windpipe. It's the part of him that's so fascinated by how soft her neck is. He bets it bruises easily- like a peach. It feels almost lace like under his fingertips and for a second he wonders what the skin would feel like against his lips.

No.

He's angry.

He's got to stay angry.

Anger, he can control.

'I thought about taking the keys out of the ignition but that would be like taking the cheese out of a mousetrap, right Bonnie?' He whispers her name into her ear, knowing that at that moment she's seeing white spots cloud the side of her vision, head becoming hazy. 'Although,' he releases the tight grip but his fingers don't retract, expanding with her throat as she gulps down air. 'Mice don't actually like cheese. Isn't that great?' The fact that you can lure prey in with something they think they want but actually it's not, is pretty fucking hilarious when you think about the context of their situation.

Empty world with nothing but the sound of her panting and his breathy voice talking through her ache. He gives a quick squeeze, this time for a quick burst of heat pooling in his gut, shushing away her rising panic, and then drops his clutch. But he doesn't want to drop their entire contact immediately.

'So we have an hour until the eclipse.' Instead he runs his knuckles from behind her ear to the base of her neck, watching the goosebumps rise along her arms. 'It's time to go home Bonnie.'

When he finally does let go of her completely she bolts out of the car and he's so annoyed that he has to chase her again. Rolling his eyes he clambers to get to the door, keeping one eye on her the entire time to see what direction she goes in. But she stops halfway across the parking lot, and turns back on the vehicle with an odd expression on her face- watching him ungracefully stumble from the backseat over the front seat and nearly tripping on his way out, foot tangled in the seatbelt- why would a car only have three doors if there are five seats? It's stupid.

When he manages to right himself and save what little shred of menace he still has, he catches her eye.

And they just stand there, another staring contest, across the hospital parking lot until one of them calls chicken shit.

She's not running and he doesn't have to chase her anymore. He wants to see the fear in her eyes again because he knows how to manipulate fear. Scared people are easy to predict. Scared Bonnie, is right in his wheelhouse.

But this Bonnie, staring at him now, isn't the same one from minutes ago.

She's just nothing. As dead behind the eyes as Damon is in spirit and he hates the look. Kai despises it. He doesn't know what it means, doesn't know what she's thinking and sure as shit doesn't like the way it marks her. Nothing like when she laughs and it's new music to his ears, or when she smiles and it lifts everything around her. The look leaves him deaf and sunken.

He opens the side of the passenger door, not breaking eye contact, and waits.

Prison World time all seems to merge into one ever repeating loop, hours no different to days. But as he waits for her every single second feels like a year. A decade later and her boots crunch over tarmac, arms folded as she gives him a wide berth to slip into the passenger seat. He slams it shut a little too heavy, looking down through the window to see if she jumps.

Nothing.

Still as a statue.

The entire way back to woods is spent in silence and he knows better than to push it. If he pushes she'll get upset and when she gets upset she runs away. Track record of thirteen backing up his logic.

When he parks up he expects her to hurry out and away from him but she stays in her seat until he opens the door for her. Then she stomps out and walks ahead of him. He takes his time, letting her go, safe in the knowledge that he'll meet her at the cave. It's not like she can go anywhere without the cog. Kai heads to the boot, cover swinging up to block his view of her walking away as he gets out his backpack. The gauze and antiseptic wipes are still in the side zip and he takes them out, leaving the needles filled with morphine hidden away, tucking the furry teddy back into place then zipping it closed to swing the bag over his shoulder.

When he pushes down the cover his heart skips a beat.

Bonnie's still there, seven comfortable paces away, waiting for him.

She waited.

Baby steps.

He saunters to the front of the car, expecting her to retreat with his advance but she stays glued to the spot, looking warily at the medical supplies in his hands. He pats the bonnet of the car for her to sit on and her mouth is slightly ajar as she realises what he wants her to do. Good, something other than apathy. If he wanted more of nothing he was in perfect company before her arrival.

'I can do it myself.' But she drags her feet over to the blue metal.

'You already did it yourself and look how that turned out.' He indicates to the fresh blood smearing the old stain on her pretty white lace shirt. 'Besides it's too awkward an angle for you to treat properly and there's no way you can portal jump with a giant hole in your stomach like that.'

Her eyes narrow and she's staring daggers, refusing to sit down.

'Fine, you can stand. Shirt please.' He sits on the bonnet instead, metallic creak as the car sinks under his weight. Actually this works better, his face is eye-level with Bonnie's chest and until she gives him something to do- like patch her up- he's going to take it as license to ogle.

He looks up eventually, blinking away the sunshine dazzling his vision and casting shadows across her face.

'I've got,' he reaches through the distance to catch her wrist before she can flinch and circles her pulse, 'an eternity to wait, Bon.'

She hides it well but he can feel the shiver falling down her spine, her fingers flexing in his hand at the vague threat. He lets her yank it away, curling around the hem of her shirt instead. She doesn't know it but he's seen her do this seven times. Around the seventh time he realised it was creepy to keep count. He always looks away right around the time her belly button comes into view, but this time he keeps his eyes fixed on her smooth skin.

Usually smooth.

Around her cute innie there are dried flecks of red blood turned maroon, scattered across brown skin. In her hurry, she slapped a huge piece of dressing over the wound and now the white cotton is soaked red. She stops lifting the shirt just over the space where her heart should be, fabric firmly covering anything interesting. He frowns, looking at the hack job, and taking it all in. First things first the wound needs to be cleaned. She jostled around so much while she was running that she might need stitches.

'This will hurt.' He warns. Warm fingers graze her stomach as he reaches for the sticky plastic corner of the bandage, square in the centre of it all. She stumbles back, quiver running through her abdomen, and out of reach again before there's ever any pain. 'Relax. How about I promise not to siphon you, so long as you behave?'

'I don't believe you.' She bites out.

'It doesn't matter, you don't have a choice. Blind faith is all we have right now Bonster. So let's call a truce. I promise not to siphon you, so long as you let me patch you up. Deal?'

For a second he expects her to drop the shirt and turn tail into the tree line. But she looks down, gathering strength from gravel, and takes a step forward, closer to him than before. This time she braces herself, and lets him peel a sticky plastic corner, wincing as the glue pulls back from the skin with a teeth grinding rrriipppp. She slapped some of the glue part over the cut. This is going to hurt like a bitch. So after getting a secure hold he tears it off as quickly as he can. Her entire body jerks back, toned muscles clenching, and she hisses against the pain but now she must truly feel naked because she's inadvertently lowering her shirt, covering the wound. Slowly, so she knows the contact is coming, he holds her fist in his and raises it until he can see the scar.

Well shit.

It's tiny.

Barely the size of his thumb.

Much smaller than he expected.

'Well the good news is your magic has sped up the recovery.' This won't leave a scar at all at the rate she's healing and he suspects the speed has something to do with how angry she is. Anger fuels her magic, her magic heals her quickly. She spites herself into good health. Almost like it never happened. Like he never happened. But he's grateful. There's more chance of her being nice to him if there's nothing to remind her of what transpired. Bonnie doesn't reply and he chances a look up at her face. Morbid curiosity as she watches his hands work, he looks back at his canvas and tries not to smile.

Tearing open an antiseptic wipe to drag it over the wound, they watch the red disappear to leave a tidy little crater. Kai drags the wipe over the rest of her stomach for good measure, cleaning off the dried flakes as well until her abdomen is gleaming, wet skin wafting the sharp smell of alcohol, stinging his nostrils. When he starts to apply clean dressing he realises how still she is.

She's holding her breath, waiting for the second he's done to let it out.

'Can we go now or do you want to keep playing nurse?' She snips, dropping the shirt.

'I haven't even kissed the booboo yet.'

'And you never will.' Bonnie spits. He can recognise hatred in anybody. It's a look he grew up with.

He shakes it off. Forgetting about it enough to show her Miss Cuddles when they make it down to the cave. And he swears she almost smiles. The glow is in her eyes, cheeks twitching and his own face responds in kind, beaming at her.

'Thanks.' She says flatly, hiding any sincerity. Her stretched smile falters so he does a bit with the teddy to see if he can cheer her up. Even his heartfelt speech, acknowledging the awful things he's done isn't enough. Bonster thinks he's a monster but is he really so bad if he's trying to be better?

Maybe a game then.

'You know, the thing I'm most worried about is fitting back into the world. Sort of hoping you've been a positive influence on me. You know you're a good person Bonnie, you're brave, loyal, patient- I want to be more like you.' Guess the lie. He holds up Ms Cuddles. 'Whataya say? Friends?'

'Let's just go home.' She isn't playing. A shame too, because she already knows the answer, he can see it in her eyes.

But home.

Just hearing her say it fills him up inside.

He's filled with unbelievable relief, suddenly all too aware of the fact that he's been here for twenty two years. He feels old.

So when she sends her magic away and leaves them stuck here he feels more than he thought he was ever capable of feeling.

Back when he murdered most of the Gemini coven he was angry but it was more this cold, bitter malice that he had full control over.

This feeling is pure, white-hot, rage bursting through his veins and splintering across his bloodstream. It's a supernova. He's not even sure he can control it but he steps away and tries for her sake because he can hear sirens. Wailing. Screaming, in his mind.

'Where. Did you. Put. Your. Magic?'

'Do you remember saying you wanted to be more like me?' Now she wants to play? Fucking now? 'Brave,' she says. He can't take this, it feels like he's about to explode. 'Loyal, patient…'

Her mocking sings in his mind as it whirs overtime, thinking. She cheated. All those months with Damon had an effect on her. She sent her magic away after agreeing to a truce and they were so, so close to getting home. How could she do this? Why would she do this? Where would she have even put it? What would she trust enough to keep her power safe?

'You put it in the bear.' Et tu Ms Cuddles? 'Didn't you?' And it's kind of funny. One hilarious move to hide her magic in his gesture of goodwill. Putting the magic in her protector.

But the bear is in the backpack.

They can still make it…

It's.

Not.

In.

The.

Damn.

Backpack.

'COME ON!'

And kudos to her because when he squares up to her face, she doesn't even flinch. Just sets that pointed jaw of hers and stares him down. More like up, she has to crane her neck and he wants to squeeze down on the exposed skin until he feels her spine crunching.

'Where's the stupid bear?' He whispers, bulging veins down the side of his neck as he tries. Just tries, so hard, not to scream anymore, hoping the proximity will threaten an answer from her. If he's this affected by being so close then she has to be worse. She has to be worse.

'Oh it's gone.' Bonnie's voice ripples down his vertebrae as her emerald eyes are practically buzzing, 'I guess we're stuck here.' It's the next part to come out of her mouth that murders him for the third and final time. 'Forever.'

Stone dead because the thought of being here with her forever wouldn't have been so bad months ago. But now the walls of this cave are closing in and he can't breathe. Going outside won't help when his sky is falling. If she has no magic, then he has no magic. He's stuck- they're stuck- forever. Even death can't save them.

'Sorry.' She whispers.

And now,

she fucking

smiles.

She smiles and his anger is tainted by something else stirring in his chest, in his stomach, in his balls. The desire to shove her against the cave wall and fu—

She put her magic away.

Magic... can be stored in objects and he should know, he's been hunting them for years but it never actually occurred to him that the magic came from a witch. Stupid, yes, but magic objects tend to be a whole other matter. Bonnie had magic right up until an hour ago and then she sent it away in the stupid bear.

Josette, his sister, had magic right up until their merge. The last time he remembered her having magic was when she cloaked Luke and Olivia, and then she just didn't.

The tree stump.

She was running to the tree stump when she suddenly changed her mind and decided to merge.

Holy crap.

He's solid on the spell now, he's heard Bonnie say it so many times, has the fixed Ascendant and more importantly, he has magic. Or will have. He just needs to get to Portland.

He doesn't need Bonnie to leave anymore. And staring down at her set face, pushing his own fury down, he knows now what wants to do.

Heading to his backpack, he lets he glow in her small victory, covering her view of him with his back. He can hear her small steps as she attempts to leave quietly, but he has the injection in his hands already and in two giant steps has her slammed against the cave wall.

'Ka—' she gurgles as the needle pierces a vein in her throat.

He wants to make Bonnie regret ever crossing him.


	9. I'm the one who loves you

She's finally silent two hours into the ride from the airport after waking up an hour in. The Gemini lived in Portland Oregon, away from civilization, it's going to be a long journey. Thankfully though, there are no more thumps coming from the boot, as Bonnie stops thrashing, and no more muffled yelling. And quite frankly, even if there were, he's not going to respond. He's still severely pissed off. But he's only entitled to half an hour of peace and quiet before her syrupy voice pipes up again- syrupy because the sound of it always trickles down his ear.

'Can you at least tell me how long we're going to be Kai? I need to pee.' She slurs, after effects of morphine warping her speech. Liar.

After getting her unconscious body out of the cave and into the car he bound her and made sure she had no liquids to avoid this very thing. If she had been a good little hostage instead of trying to kick him the second she woke up he would have let her stay awake. Instead Bon Bon kept trying to run them off the road so he had no choice but to dope her up again and chuck her in the boot. So she's lost pee privileges.

Too bad, too. As angry as he is, it would have been nice to show off his flying skills to someone. She would have stayed asleep until they reached the house if it wasn't for her supernatural metabolism.

'Maaaaalachaaaiiiiiiiiii...' he nearly slams the break on when the sound of his name falls from her lips. '...Malaaaaaachaaiii...' She slurs again. She's becoming sickeningly cute and he's worried it'll compromise what he has to do. He's allowed to be angry at her right now and he's going to take full advantage. For a beat he thinks he's willed her into silence again but then, in the softest voice she asks.

'Are you still mad at me?' Like a child, being told off. His heart drops to his stomach for a moment, then he wills it to rise.

The urge to reply and say something becomes unbearable so he distracts himself by turning on the static radio. There's a cassette player but only one tape. A mix tape stuck looping a single song over and over again. He loves this song. But instead of drowning her out it makes her talk louder to compete.

'I'm not sorry.' She says. 'I'd do it all over again. All. Over. Again.'

His teeth grind, he purposely aims for a pothole.

'Ow! Careful!'

He ignores her hiss.

'If you're going to be that bad of a driver pull over and I'll take the wheel.'

The tyres squeak as he zigzags across the road, listening to the sound of her body bumping against the sides.

'Al-Alright already!'

Back on the right side of the tarmac. Just them, the sound of the car humming and his fingers tapping to the rhythm of the song.

# One, two, princes kneel before you

That's what I said, now

Princes, Princes who adore you

Just go ahead, now #

'You're tapping all wrong.'

His knuckles turn pale as he grips the steering wheel and he wishes she'd just go back to sleep. At least when she's sober she remembers to hate him and he knows how to navigate that terrain. This is just cruel, taunting him with a version of her he can never have. But then again it is kind of his fault, he was the one who injected her with painkillers. Who knew she'd have such a high tolerance for someone so short? Bonnie would floor him in a drinking match and of this he becomes sure.

'Do you even like this song? We've been listening to it for hours.' Her voice is coming through clearer. It's only been half an hour, but it's not like she would know.

He thinks she's finally come into her senses because she's quiet again. This time there's ten whole minutes of sweet silence.

And then it starts.

So low that he thinks he's imagining the sound. But then right after the yeeeaahhhhhh he hears her scatting loud and clear. It's not even accurate scatting. She's doobie-dooing when it's supposed to be schdooby doop.

But it's surreal.

He's so tightly wound and furious but god damn if she can't sing. Her voice is syrup, caramel, honey- diabetes to his hearing.

'Said if you want to call me baby, Just go ahead now. And if you like to tell me maybe. Just go ahead now.' From the boot her singing has its own echo.

'And if you want to buy me flowers. Just go ahead now.' Small arena in the car, an audience of one- it would have been two but she sent Ms Cuddles away- she puts on the best concert he's ever been to. Not that he's ever actually been to a concert.

'And if you like to talk for hours. Just go ahead now.' He wants to sing along, join the sound kneading his shoulders.

'And if you want to call me baby.' It's the way she let's the word baby hang in the air between them, the emotion he can hear in the single word. She's thinking of someone when she says it. 'Just go ahead now.'

She's thinking of someone and it's not him.

Rubber burns against tarmac and the squeak vibrates in his teeth as the car skids to a stop. He's slamming the door behind him before she can say a word, kicking up stones as he marches to the boot. Fingertips drift to the handle, almost grazing metal, but miss it entirely as his steps back- hands interlocking to cradle head.

She isn't singing anymore.

After he's good and ready, sure the sound of her voice won't burn a hole in his skull he steps back into the car. The second the engine starts the song plays up again. It gets to the chorus and he realises she isn't playing karaoke anymore.

#I'm the one that, Loves you baby,

can't you see?

I ain't got no future or family tre-

The music cuts off as he pops the cassette out of the player, dumping it on his lap as he winds down the window to throw it out. It bounces along the road, trailing behind the car for a second before falling flat.

Eh, what the heck?

He gently slows to a stop and switches into reverse gear. Looking over the back seat and through the window as he maneuvers to get that satisfying crunch from the wheel crushing the tape. When he's back in first gear and they're moving at a swift ten miles an hour in the direction of his homestead, he gets goosebumps.

'Wow.' She says and he can see the mounds rising along his arm. 'You must really hate the Spin Doctors.'

After that she must have fallen asleep. Because for the next two hours he's left to his own thoughts. The sound of her shallow breaths, each one feeling impossibly close, makes him regret destroying the tape.

Her singing wasn't just a side effect of a painkiller cocktail. When they decide on their second truce, at least until dinner is eaten, he sees a shift in her mood. She's actually trying to be civil. More than that she's being nice. So while they're preparing dinner together, back to back in the kitchen of his childhood home, he's just thinking about what a hack job she's making of vegetables rather than any retribution.

Guess she's only accurate with sharp objects when he's the target. But they manage to work in quiet contentment, weapons all around them with the agreement not to hurt each other for the next two hours. He could probably stretch it to three and a half if they make roast chicken, four if he chews incredibly slowly.

Bonnie works to massacre their salad, shifting from foot to foot, humming a christmas tune from the CD player he brought up from his room. There's the normal silence of the prison world, empty and soul crushing, static needle piercing his frontal lobe, and then there's this. He's not sure which one he prefers. Kai can't see her but he can feel her presence burning through his back, imprinting itself rudely on his own.

It sort of feels like he's being sucked up into the air and he's flailing around trying to find something to hold on to. Stuck in a moment of weightlessness and he needs to get a grip.

'You were wrong, by the way.' He says, as he stirs the salt into the pot of boiling potatoes, because he needs something to say. When he's talking he's not in his head and his mind is the worst place to be. 'I'm not a psychopath.' The sound of her knife slicing against the chopping board ceases.

'Suddenly you have feelings?' It's the first mean thing she's said since the truce. Pathetic, she barely lasted twenty minutes, but he doesn't mind because he prefers to have this snippy, sarcastic mean version of her. He knows where they stand when she's like this, it'll make everything easier for them both.

'No. But I'm not a psychopath. I'm technically a sociopath.'

'Like there's a difference?' She asks, humoured and confused.

'I was made, not born.'

'I hope you plan on using something other than salt to season.' She bristles.

On the surface she sounds relaxed and calm, but he hears her pick the knife back up again. A glance back and he sees her aim is getting more accurate. The carrots actually start to look the same size.

'I'll have you know I've cooked in Michelin star restaurants. I mean,' he makes a show of sprinkling paprika into the sauce pot and hopes she's looking, 'granted they were technically empty and there was no one to stop me from breaking in, but it's got to count for something.'

'What else have you done?' Her question throws him.

'Why do you ask?'

'Curiosity. You've been here a long time, Damon and I have- had only been here for a few months by my count. If I'd been stuck here for as long as you I'd have-'

'-Gone insane. Been there and done that, right around year four. ' And he would have had a way out of this hell, if it wasn't for the fact that she took it from him. This isn't a wise line of questioning for her. But they're in a truce so he'll answer, if only to guilt her into changing her mind at the last minute and come. with. Him.

'That.' She says. 'But also visit a lot of places.'

'Done that too. And believe me it is not easy to learn to fly a plane. I died like three times, once when I crashed into the Atlantic the first time I flew to Europe, another time I ran out of fuel and crashed somewhere in Canada and once the plane just straight up exploded on me.'

'How many times have you died exactly?'

'Like I don't know, hundred and twenty? Hundred and twenty three…?' He switches the cooker off and moves the steaming pot over to the sink. 'That's suicides, I'm not counting the stupid accidents for the sake of my dignity.' He wants to tell her about the time he literally shot himself in the stomach when his gun back-fired while he was shooting bottles drunk after watching a western, but he won't. He doesn't know what her reaction would be.

'How can you talk about killing yourself so casually?'

'Relax Bonster. I always come back.' And he's slightly touched by her concern. 'Besides, actual death isn't so painful, it's just getting there that hurts.' He says matter-of-factly, expecting her to be horrified at such a thought, champion of life that she is.

'I know I've died before.' She shrugs.

'What?'

'Yeah, like three times.' She manages to sound more matter-of-fact than he does. 'Each time it wasn't so much painful as it was terrifying.'

'Knowing that you're coming back numbs you to that kind of fear.' And he's reminded of the endless loop suffocating him. The last of the borrowed magic is out of his system and there's no other source if he's wrong. The itch to siphon flares up again and he's crawling in his skin looking for an oasis only to find a mirage.

'That explains it.' She quips.

'Hey there Judgy.' He drops a lid on the pot and turns around, leaning on the counter to watch the back of her work. 'You've been here six months. Twenty two years from now when I look at you it'll be like looking in a mirror.'

Her shoulders sag and the chopping slows down.

'What's the matter Bon Bon? Didn't think that far ahead when you were sending your magic away did you?' Those sirens begin winding up but he tampers them down. Because of course- of course Bonnie didn't think it entirely through. She's a creature of passion not logic, the burning sun over the cold, chalky moon.

No answer.

So he closes the space between them, flipping 180 to lean on the counter space beside her so he can see her face. Up this close he chances a glance at her lips. He doesn't quite understand why he always wants to stare at them but it makes him feel calmer than staring into her eyes. When he looks back up at her pupils, they're already on his. Did she catch him staring? He forgot he wasn't cloaked. Locking stares, she lets out a small puff of air, before shifting focus back onto the vegetables again.

'Now it's you and me for the rest of your life. And bottoms up Bon Bon because I intend on making sure you live a long and healthy one. Wouldn't want you to miss out on the suffering. Do you know what it's like to not see another human being for over two decades? Do you know what it's like to not hear another voice? Do you know what it's like to not even be-' touched. But the word dies in his throat. Even thinking it makes him feel like a little child, terrified and waiting for mommy or daddy, anyone, to hug him and make him feel better when all he did was hug his sister and now she's on the floor screaming in pain and suddenly it's the worst thanksgiving of his life. His lack of human contact precedes his incarceration.

'Yes.' Small voice and lashes hooding her eyes. 'I've been a ghost before.' She heard the word he refused to say.

Bonnie looks so sad as she says it and if he squints he can see the memories screening in her faraway stare. Normally the little frown and watery eyes would do something to the inside of his chest, instead he ends up snorting.

Short and quick and her glare stings.

But he can't help it. It's just the way she says it. Ghost. It was probably all very Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore but the image that flashes through his mind is of Bonnie in a white sheet with little holes cut out for her eyes.

'Sorry, sorry,' he chuckles, not meaning a word of it as he can practically hear her shout boo. 'I'm sure that sucked for you.'

'If I'm going to be stuck here with you, you need to learn how to interact like a real human.'

'And as the leading expert on real humans Bonster, how do they act?'

'Well first of all they don't refer to themselves in third person.'

'You realise you just did.'

Narrowed eyes when she realises he's right and then she dives to salvage it. 'I'm not a witch, not a human.'

'I'm a siphon.' He counters, watching her dump the chopping board of half mangled veg in the blue salad bowl. 'And there's no point trying to change me Bonster. I don't want to be fixed.'

'Fixed implies you're broken. I think you're just an asshole playing victim.' She's going to make the after dinner surprise so satisfying.

'That would really hurt my feelings, if I had feelings.'

She drops the woodens spoons she's been using to toss the salad turns to face him full on.

'Really?' She says, taking a step closer to him.

Bonnie throws all notions of personal space out the window, her toes touching his, their shoulders barely a ruler length away. But she's shorter than him by a significant amount so he has to crane his neck to keep a curious eye on her. He expects tapers to suddenly light up with the intimacy. The knife is in the sink and the sink is behind him so there's no chance she's stabbing him. Unless she found another weapon and i—

His heart knocks viciously against her warm palm as she presses against the fabric of his shirt. Those big eyes become bigger, greener, deeper pools reflecting nothing but light. The polite press becomes heavier as she uses the hold to tiptoe, elevating herself closer to his chin. He knows what she's doing now and it's a dirty move. One he didn't think she was capable of. This is cheating too but damnit if he doesn't like being played this way.

His hand, a mind of its own, reaches through the space between them to curl around the side of her neck.

Contact, and he can tell it's taking all of her willpower not to pull away. Doesn't matter, what matters is that she's allowing him to thumb the circle of flesh near her jaw, carotid artery. All he'd have to do is press down on it and she would be seeing white again. But he doesn't. His self restraint rising up to meet her own.

'You feel nothing at all?' She whispers.

It's a good question. Does he feel something? He takes stock, noting how suddenly hot he is. He's still buzzing but not in the same way as before. That itch, to use his contact on her skin to siphon whatever life force he can from the witch, is still there. Only it's warped, morphed from a buzzing to a ringing. The toll demands that he latches his lips onto hers and sucks the magic from her bone marrow. Lick the saliva from her teeth and steal the air from her lungs until she's crumbling. But his brain knows better and with what little oxygen it has, it's keeping his head still.

StepbackStepbackStepback

Her lips move closer- No, he's moving closer to them and she's still not moving away. He really wishes she would and spare them both the complications this will bring.

Bonnie's not merciful.

She teeters on her toes and her other hand plants against the counter to steady herself. He wants so badly to kiss her, if only once, to see what it's like. And when is he going to get the chance again? Kai's so close he's bumping the tip of her nose with his own. Bonnie's eyes are almost crossed watching their faces meet and he's wondering for a split second, can she feel it too?

Then he jumps. He dives. He sinks into her.

He kisses Bonnie Bennett in the kitchen of his Coven's bloodstained home. Had he known that six months ago he would have jumped for fucking joy but right now his limbs have frozen and it's terrifying.

It starts chaste, he doesn't want to take this too far, but then she's sucking on his bottom lip and he can feel lightning striking his stomach.

He's weightless again and this time he lets himself feel it, the longer they're connected the higher he goes. The little moan that slips from her mouth, to be swallowed by his own, tethers him to the moment and he feels free to drift. If he's dying, he knows he'll come back. So why is he afraid?

He wonders if it's a trick, some residual magic she still has, but it's all him.

Kai doesn't know when he closed his eyes but his eyelids have pulled over a blank canvas to his vision. A part of him wants to open them to see Bonnie, because he can't believe this is happening and he needs visual confirmation. Another part is enjoying the void world he's in. This one isn't empty and he isn't alone. He doesn't want to escape from this one, enjoying the high too much. He's Icarus and she's blinding him, dazzling sunshine.

All too quickly Bonnie pulls back, his hand drops from her throat, and their lips rip apart with a sweet smacking as they come unstuck. She backs away into the counter, steadying her breath and staring down the floor as he watches her trying to wrestle with what they've done.

Her lips are shinier than before, swollen, prominent, coated in his drool and begging for a fresh layer-

He needs to leave.

Right now.

He can't be here, like this, chest pounding, palms sweating, dick twitching.

So Kai leaves her. He strides out of the kitchen and she lets him go. His feet take him to the basement, stomping down the creaky wooden steps. He doesn't bother with the light, already knowing his way around. Along the corridor there are two doors, the one at the end is his room, filled with books, CD's, comics and magazines that he can use to distract himself until he's calmer. The one on the side leads to the wine cellar.

Alcohol.

He picks the alcohol.

He steals a bottle of his mother's special recipe, uncorking it and downing that sucker like it's holy water exorcising the emotions from him. When it hits he picks a stone wall to sink against, counting one hundred deep breaths before he feels like himself again. She kissed him.

Bonnie Bennett kissed him and what a kiss it was.

But he's isn't as ecstatic as he thought he would be.

It's because he doesn't understand why she did it.

And he doesn't like not understanding things, it makes him uncomfortable.

Kai gets up, already wanting to see her again- what the hell is going on in his mind right now- and makes his way back to the kitchen, bottle in hand.

As he strides back through the house he gets a weird sense of deja vu, fingers ghosting over bloodstains. The house is as ageless as he is and stuck in the pocket of a scream.

He's expecting Bonnie to be right where he left her, but he must have been gone for a while. She's sitting at the dining table, meditating in deep thought. She doesn't acknowledge what happened between them, even starts to play with his pager to busy her hands and avoid looking at him. So he tells her not to touch it because he doesn't want her to bust it. Then she hits him with it.

She wants to leave.

Divide the world in half and they each go their separate ways. She has no intention of sticking this purgatory out with him even though she's the one that stuck them there and even worse, she wants his blessing to run from the mess she's made.

And she probably thinks he'll give it after a kiss like that.

She must have wanted him to kiss her to get him feeling this way and manipulate him into letting her go. Did she actually try to Beauty and the Beast this?

The anger kicks up. He really thinks he might hate this girl.

Bonnie Bennett kissed him and now she's going to act like it never happened.

Patience.

He has a plan.

So he agrees to the proposal. Even going so far as to offer his car.

Dinner goes by with awkward chit chat and he doesn't have the heart to be his usual charming self. Bonnie compliments his cooking and Portland countryside but not once does she bring up his make-out skills. He's got this feeling sitting on his chest that's could almost be indigestion. Just like the tug in his gut could have been gas. But the feeling makes his mouth want to sag and now all he wants to do is get away from her. Away from this fake Bonnie who's small talk makes him want to rip his hair out. He nurses his dinner though, because he knows this will be the last time he's going to see her for who knows how long.

His anger from earlier is simmering, waiting and building up the anticipation in his stomach until after dinner he leads them outside. Explaining his realisation about Josette's magic and the fact that he no longer needs her to get home is a little satisfying. But then he wants to do something else. He's still so pissed off. She killed him twice. Tried abandoning him, twice. Kissed him and made him feel things he doesn't want to feel. The list goes on but it's not until he's standing here, back where it all began, that he realises what her biggest crime against him was.

Who names a kid Malachai? It's like they expected him to be evil.

She judged who he was before she ever really knew him. She decided he wasn't worth redemption before he ever really got a chance to try. Bonnie decided Kai wasn't worth it, like everyone else in his life. And she was meant to be different.

This time when he stabs her, he knows it'll leave a scar, no magic to speed up the recovery. It's not deep enough to kill her, not as deadly as a pickaxe to the heart or pen to the windpipe.

The narcissist in him is glad that she'll have something to remember him by, the perfectionist forces him to drag the blade a little so it carves a prominent curve under her breast, the rationalist tells him to stop when she falls.

There's no pretending that this didn't happen.

There is no part of him that cares. If he did, maybe Bonnie would see something redeeming in him. No, he's a monster to her and that's all he'll ever be. But before he goes he double checks that her wound isn't fatal.

Kai makes it to the same spot in the woods he appeared in all those years ago but he's not as excited as he was to get out a day ago, thoughts wanting to drift to Bonnie but being re-tied to thoughts of his revenge.

She'll be fine.

Now she can actually go and visit all those different places. This alone time will be good for her. She has a chance to find out who she is without interference from anyone. It's character building. And after he finds Jo, forces her to merge, wins said merge, and then becomes coven leader he'll have control over the Prison world. So she's not as stuck as she thinks she is but he hopes, when she gets out, this experience teaches her a little something. He's not entirely sure of what but he's all for making things a learning experience.

The moment the world goes dark, a single moonlit spot bathes him in an ethereal glow. He whispers the spell. A click and the Ascendant opens up. He watches her blood drip from the knife onto the metal and chants. The light around him gets brighter and brighter until suddenly it's all he sees.


	10. Burning down the house

Kai arrives back in Portland to kill his father but no one is home. The fucking nerve of him, not waiting around for the day his son eventually escaped to murder him. Instead of stewing, he takes advantage of the empty house, wary of traps, and takes it in. Still the same layout but the decors gone very futuristic-chic. But coming straight out of 1994 means anything past that era is futuristic. Like that big ass TV in the corner. How is it so slim yet so huge? Where do they fit all the channels? Where's the antenna? Where's the computer? What's with the sci-fi box and cables sticking out of it? He gets so sidetracked by all the gadgets around the place that he finally makes it upstairs hours later.

It's odd. No blood, autumn light, and so many flowers. This house has changed and it's almost like his entire existence has been erased. Not a single picture of him anywhere. There's his sisters, his brothers, his mom, a high school graduation one of Luke, there's Olivia's 18th birthday, even one of Jo in an army uniform. Badass, sis. But he keeps searching for his own face and coming up empty. Until he wanders into his parents' old room. On the mantelpiece of the master bedroom there's a single family picture.

Family.

But he's nowhere to be seen, and he knows for a fact that he's in the picture- on the end, his red shoulder is bumping Jo's in his ugly Christmas sweater. He takes it out of the silver frame, expecting to unfold and restore the image to the truth. But where he should see a rough crease there's a sharp line. Clean cut across the glossy picture and Malachai never happened. You can't fix a mistake if you never made one, eh dad?

Revenge has officially reached zero degrees and is ready to be served.

From Olivia's room he raids the wardrobe to find a familiar piece of technology coated in dust. Sweet flip phone, daddy dearest must have spoiled the twins growing up to make up for their psychological trauma. Bonus find, her cupboard is decorated with flags and scarves from her college. She must be what, about 21? And it seems like it's the middle of fall, college is in session. Looks like he's going to Whitmore.

Sheila's college down near Mystic Falls.

Bon-

No.

He wants to change his clothes, he wants to see something that's his own. Where would his father have shoved his stuff? The same place he shoved him.

For as much as the rest of the house has evolved, the minute he opens the door to the basement and the damp smell greet him, he's transported back to 1994. The third step still creaks. He flicks a switch on the wall, three flashes before the narrow corridor is filled with the fluorescent blue light. At the end of the corridor should be the door to his room. Blue, with a Nirvana poster on the front. Because it was his sanctuary from the real world. Back when being alone was luxury. Instead there's just more wall. Cement smoother and lighter than the surrounding area stands out against the other three walls. Kai manages to run out and run back in under two minutes, pickaxe in hand. It takes a few swings before the concrete starts crumbling away to reveal faded, chipped flecks of blue. The angel against the purple background of his poster is now a faded blue-grey. The hinges screech as he opens the door. His room is untouched. Everything captured perfectly in a moment of time.

And it's like he never left.

Sweet, that makes this easier.

His wallet sits on the desk, a thick layer of dust coating both, but inside his i.d, credit cards, and $20.18 remain undamaged, if a little moldy. He wonders if the credit card will still work but doubts his father ever got around to cancelling it since it wasn't in his name and he probably wouldn't have wanted to discuss his whole sociopathic murdering son whom he witched away with the bank. To be on the safe side he ransacks the entire place for loose change and comes up to nearly $200, most of it from smashing open Olivia's old piggy bank. Satisfied that the house has been thoroughly ransacked he decides to leave. But before he goes he heads to the shed one last time to find a jerry can half filled. Sparingly, and strategically, he douses the first floor and the stairs, sure that the place will go up in flames as he lights the match and runs.

The first problem he encounters isn't supernatural. Well he supposes it kind of is, it's the Prison World's fault and that's a direct result of magic which technically is supernatural and he keeps rambling in his mind about blame and faults because it distracts him. Distracts him from the fact that no matter where he goes there's a pair of eyes staring at him, he's never more than three feet away from someone's germy breath or sweaty stink. Too many smells from fellow travellers, all permeating in his nostrils and sounds stuffing his ears. He can't focus. There's too much of everything all over. So he dives for the men's room, throwing himself into the stall, fiddling with the lock, putting his head between his knees. Counting the bits of tissue and wet patches dotting the checkered floor helps him steady his breath enough to sit up.

How fucking hard is it to aim for the toilet bowl?

Kai gets a hold of himself to cloak once more, using the magic he siphoned from the knife, to sneak on board the airplane. Once on board he uncloaks in the cargo hold rather than sneaking into a seat. He's only just gotten a grip and spending hours trapped up there with hundreds of other irritating people, wailing babies, coughing old people, does not seem appetising.

But he's a man on a mission with no other option but to succeed. That doesn't mean he knows whether he actually will, it just means the only thing that will stop him is death.

Going from the static everyday life of the prison world to the bustling real world is an adjustment in itself. Though honestly the next few weeks of his life are so jam packed they go by in a blur.

He finds Olivia, loses Olivia, finds Luke, loses Luke, finds Josette, loses Josette, then he ups his game because there's no way he's waited twenty-odd years to be beaten like this. The feeling of power slipping through his fingers propels him to work harder. Carrying life on this way, searching for hits of something that's only ever going to leave him empty again, is not living. And he wants to live so bad. So he needs to merge with Josette. It's the only thing that can possibly save him. But this would be so much easier with magic. The need to siphon is eating away at him, making the hair on the back of his neck rise to attention, thousands of insects crawling all over his skin. He knows magic is the only thing to satisfy it.

Was the only thing.

No.

Then he manages to convince Olivia and Luke to help him, with the help of good old fashioned brute fear. Jo even agrees to merge with him. Holy crap, he might actually be able to pull this off. Siphoning up the magical border from Mystic Falls is a huge help and welcome distraction but it's so much that he feels like he's going to burst. Who better to practice his magic on than Elena, simultaneously making Damon suffer as well as a little vengeance on behalf of—

He focuses on torturing Elena, hanging her up right by her locker- where she met Stefan. This is going to be so much fun. She's a vampire which means he can hurt her as much as he likes without having to worry about killing her. He'll practice a few attack spells, blood to acid, melting skin, snapping bones, that sort of thing. All spells he might need for the merge. Kai's never actually merged before so he doesn't know exactly what happens after the whole chanting part. But if it's a fight, at least he's prepared. He's focused and ready, even a little bit excited.

And then, as he lies to Elena about why he chose to bring her to the school because he really doesn't feel like bringing up a certain someone, he spots the trophy cabinet. They had one like that back in his old school- half as small and filled far less awards than this one. It's a picture at the bottom that catches his eye. Elena in her cheer uniform, toothy grin and acne covered. She must hate that picture. He's overjoyed.

'Is that you?' He asks, smile widening at how she grimaces when he spots it. Picture Elena has one hand flipping the peace sign (oh my god), her hip cocked out and arm resting on… 'Oh and there's Bonnie!' His eyes widen like he's a kid in a candy shop. Bonnie's hair is longer and curly, her face fuller and her dimples pressed into her baby cheeks so deeply as she smiles. She looks beautiful.

His mistake is looking into her laminated eyes. Kai's throat suddenly feels tighter, his mouth goes dry, and his gut starts to pinch as he looks at them. Those eyes that lit up as she stabbed him in the heart. Those eyes that watched as she stabbed him in the throat. Those eyes that looked up at him as he bent down to kiss her. And then, she stabbed him in the back. Granted he stabbed her right back, but it was never as bad.

'You guys look so innocent,' he mutters, his smile isn't as big as before. 'Like nothing bad could ever happen to you.' He allows himself a second more to stare at her, because as much as he doesn't want to keep feeling this way, he also doesn't want to look away.

But he doesn't have time for stupid emotions that he doesn't understand so. So he shoves the feeling to the side and gets back to it.

Time for target practice.

Traveller magic isn't so different to witches' magic. There's just so much of it and it's so finicky that it's like wrestling with a pig. Which he's sure he could do if he focuses hard enough. He puts a hand out and closes his eyes.

'Phasmatos navaro pulsus sanguinox.' As he chants he tries to imagine the power to make it easier to manifest. A golden aura surrounding him, ebbing a flowing and morphing into a round face, high cheek bones, pointed chin, heart shaped lips, emerald eye-

Shit.

He's accidentally turned the metal to acid and not Elena's blood. She manages to yank the chains and run. It's unfortunate but at least he knows she can't escape during the day, he melted off her ring too. And the traveller magic is so powerful that when Elena manages to burn him, he heals in seconds. A good thing too, she managed to burn off some of his hair. Eventually he gets her when she runs into the canteen- what was she going to do there, fix herself a snack? God she's dumb. Chasing her through the building makes him a little nostalgic, but the Hospital was a much bigger playground and his playmate was more up to his standards.

It's by pure bad luck that he gets caught and knocked out by Josette's boytoy and some kid he doesn't know.

It takes being put under forced sedation to realise that he can't remember the last time he went to sleep. Being drugged this way is actually a nice sort of rest. He's drifting in nothing but his pitch black conscious and he could get used to this. It's a lot calmer than death. But then he floats too far away to pull himself back to reality. The magic isn't even in reach, it's ebbing away and being wasted keeping him alive. He really thinks he's going to stay like that forever, caged in his own mind, then all of he's being woken up to siphon from Liz Forkes who is some girl called Madeline's mother.

He manages to escape with the magic he siphons from her and there's still some traveller magic left. Enough for him to merge with Jo. But all of a sudden it's Luke he's merging with and not Josette. And honestly, he's a little relieved it doesn't have to be her. The idea is so ingenious he wonders how the hell Luke came up with it.

'Sanguinem desimilus, sanguinem generis fiantus.' They chant by the fountain in the middle of the Mystic Falls town centre. The splashing water calms him enough to focus as he chants the words that had been burned onto his tongue the second he learnt to talk.

This is it. He's doing it. He's merging. He'll either wake up whole, or he won't wake up at—

'What are you doing?'

He asks the question but the voice that comes from his mouth isn't his own. It's all high pitched and squeaky, but he recognises it.

And where is he? The fountain… the town… why is it so bright? Wasn't it night time?

Kai blinks away the white fuzz from his vision, adjusting to the sunlight and to his body. He feels so much smaller, more compact. And his legs, these can't be his legs, they feel so restricted. Short steps on something soft yet crunchy- grass, it's grass. Three baby steps until he's looking up at Kai.

Wait, he's Kai.

So why is he looking up at his own face…

Why does he look so sad? He always looks so sad. Kai frowns down at him and he— No! He's Kai… But is he? He doesn't feel like Kai or look like him or sound like him. So who is he?

Kai frowns down at him and turns back to what he was doing. What is he doing?

'Fishing.' He grumbles.

Yes. He… he remembers this… Fishing in the lake behind the house. He-Kai-he used to like fishing.

'Can I fish?' He asks. This him who is not him but holds his spirit waddles towards the lake and he catches it, a reflection of a sandy blonde hair and bright blues.

It's Luke. He's Luke.

This is a memory from a time gone by, and he's watching it from his younger brother's eyes. So he knows how it will end and the words that will come out of his mouth before it even happens, but why?

'It's not like I can stop you.' Kai shrugs, keeping his eyes fixed on the rippling water.

'But I don't have a stick.' Luke replies, looking eagerly at the one in Kai's hand. He doesn't miss how his brother rolls his eyes and his jaw clenches, but then he hands him the stick anyway.

'It's called a fishing rod. If you're going to do this atleast know the name.'

'Fishin' rod.' Luke feels his mouth lisping over the letters, all gummed up from where his front teeth are coming in. It makes pronouncing his v's horrible. He asked dad about any expected income from the tooth fairy and his father laughed. Dad always laughs whenever he says anything because he's so small and no one expects someone so small to talk so well like he does, or Olivia. Dad says that means they've got strong magic. Mommy says it's because Jo is always reading to them. Sometimes even Olivia reads the books. She reads better than he does.

But how does Kai know that?

Because he's Luke.

He's Luke now.

He's always been Luke.

Kai is looking down at him as he messes up the word.

They stand there together in complete silence while Luke watches the end of the line, attached to a bright red ball, bobbing up and down in the water. Until Luke says what he's thinking, because people are only quiet when they're thinking things.

'Dad told me about a merge.' From the side of his eye he watches the fractured reflection of his brother in the water sticking his hands in his pockets.

'I'll bet.' He replies quietly.

'He said that it'll make me the cowen le-'

'I know what the merge is.' Kai snaps. 'I know what it does.'

Luke can't feel how angry Kai has suddenly become, not like with the rest of the family, because Kai doesn't have any magic to show it. Nobody can ever sense how Kai is feeling unless they look at his face, but most of the time he has the same sad look. And nobody can be sad all the time, so that must just be how his face falls. But right now though, he looks angry. If only for a second, before that look comes back.

'Do you know that it will hurt Oliwia if I do it?'

'Did dad tell you that?' And now big brother looks confused.

Luke hesitates. It's a secret how he knows and he's never told Kai any secrets before. Everyone always says not to trust him with important things and this is very important. But he decides that if he wants advice, he has to be honest. And there is a reason he came to find Kai and Olivia has gone to find Josette. 'No. We read it in the Grimoire after... Please don't tell him Kai.'

'I won't.' He says a little bit of respect in his voice, and Luke really believes that he won't.

'I don't wanna hurt Oliwia.' Luke whispers, this time looking up the physical version of his brother and ignoring the water.

'You have to if you want to be the leader.' Kai looks Luke square in the eyes, his own face much darker than before. Luke never really noticed it much but Kai has grey eyes. He's the only one in the family with that eye colour, everyone else either had blue or brown. Even Josette's eyes are blue and she's Kai's twin.

'What-if-I-don't-wanna-be-the-leader…' Luke mumbles over his words as quickly as he can in case anyone else overhears him. There's no one apart from the two of them, but the words feel like treason. 'Could…' Luke takes a deep breath because this is the sneakiest thing he's ever done. This, and reading dad's Grimoire without permission. But he and Olivia had no choice. They were curious about what the merge is exactly.

The twins of the coven must battle until a single one emerges.

That's what it said.

Hit each other, Olivia had whispered, eyes wide as they sat on the dusty attic floor, it means we have to hit each other.

But it was him who realised there was a way out.

They aren't the only set of twins in the coven.

'Could…' Luke tries again, puffing his chest out. At 3ft and 7inches, (mommy marked his height on the wall) he's still a lot shorter than his sister. '...Could you do it?'

Kai doesn't say anything. He doesn't look sad. He doesn't look confused. He doesn't look angry. He looks almost like he's happy and like he's going to say something- but the stick starts to move in Luke's tiny fist and he jerks forward with it in his hold.

On instinct Kai grabs his arms to stop him falling into the water, bare in the short sleeve shirt mommy made him wear because it's so hot.

A sting rips through his skin and it feels like his tiny bones are melting. His fingers release the stick and he can hear a small plop as it falls into the water but he can't see it because he's eyes are squeezed shut as his mouth hangs open in pain.

And a sudden high pitched wail leaves his lungs as he cries out the hurt. He cries and Kai's grip leaves him, but he can still feel a buzzing in his veins and those little legs start to feel so weak.

'Shit,' he hears his big brother swear even though he's not supposed to swear, 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Luke. I didn't mean to do i—'

He's still crying when he opens his eyes to see what the smacking sound was, and all of a sudden he's being scooped up into safe, strong arms and bounced up and down. Luke wraps his arms around his dad's neck and hears his voice rumble as his head rests on his shoulder. He's not crying anymore but his face is wet with tears as he looks out at the water and trees.

'He's a child Malachai! How dare you? You will be punished for this!' Dad doesn't yell but his voice is stronger than someone screaming. Luke feels him patting his back reassuringly and then they start moving. Dad faces the house which swivels Luke to face Kai. He catches his brother's eye as Kai is pushing himself up onto his elbows. But Kai wasn't lying down before. And why does his lip have a little bit of blood on it?

And he looks so sad again. Kai stands up and sways a little, before turning around back to water. Luke watches him take off his jacket and start walking into the river. The fishing rod is sticking half out of the mini waves.

'There, there.' Dad calms his whimpers, small circles on his back. 'What were you doing with Malachai anyway? I told you to stay away from him.'

But Luke doesn't want to answer the question, so he closes his eyes instead and let's the exhaustion take over him.

The second he wakes up on the stone floor, the sound of the fountain splashing beside him brings Kai back to the matter at hand. Then it's the sound of crying.

Are they crying for him? Did he lose?

He supposes being mourned is consolation for losing. He opens an eye.

Wait.

Dead people can't open their eyes.

They can't see the thousands of stars all dotted around the sky like he can. Or smell how sweet the night air is. And they definitely can't feel the cool breeze on their warm skin. Warm skin.

Ohmygod

He's not dead.

He-

He won.

He opens a second eye and feels brave enough to lean on his elbows. The first thing he sees are two bodies hunched over another. His sister, crying over his brother.

Kai won the merge.

Luke lost.

He's now the leader of the coven.

But he's not safe.

His logical half kicks in again, using magic that feels so foreign to cloak and pumping blood back into his legs to help him flee before anyone notices. His heart is pounding, beads of sweat running down his forehead, as he runs all the way back to his crappy motel room, even though there's no more reason to keep running. He's the leader. No one will threaten him, or push him around anymore. But it's better safe than sorry.

Kai gets to room 15, keys shaking as he jams them into the lock, and then stumbles onto the bed, collapsing.

Every inch of him is on fire.

Every single muscle, each bone, all the blood cells too. He is burning up. Not in a good way, like the way he felt when he kisse-

He's in a serious amount of pain.

The way he assumes Frankenstein's monster felt while each body part was stitched on. Alive and evolving but it doesn't mean the upgrade comes without a cost.

But all he can think about as his cheeks nuzzle against polyester and nose takes in the comforting musty smell of 99cent bulk buy covers and industrial lavender comforter, is how long it's been since he slept. Not a fake sleep, induced by drugs shot into his neck, but an actual sleep.

Kai wants to rest, he's so tired.

So he closes his eyes.


	11. All you've ever wanted

The night he finds out she's back he's wide awake as usual.

Every night he stares up at the ceiling for hours until eventually he drifts into a crappy rest. Some nights he has nightmares, memories warped to show even more emotions he never registered, other nights he dreams of green eyes. This particular night, he's trying to decide which one he'd prefer before realising that alcohol is a thing and nothing is an option. But that could lead him down a dark path and he remembers what Damon was like when he drank. Luckily his turmoil is interrupted.

A single buzz from his phone sitting on the nightstand, to indicate the first text message he's ever received from a number he's begrudgingly saved. Evene frenemies need to be able to contact each other:

Bonnie's back.

Leave her alone.

He barely managed to look at her when he and Jeremy were saving her. Damon didn't need to text it. The thought of actually having her in front of him, see her, touch her, smell her, hear her- what would she say? The thought of it makes him nausauos.

For a second, he swears he feels the faintest itch- and he wants to be sick.

No, he actually is sick.

Not just the once.

And again.

In fact he pukes for nearly a whole day straight and by the next one he's desperately stumbling out of the motel with one destination in mind, all thoughts of seeing Bonnie are thrown from his head. Or maybe she'd like seeing him suffer like this.

He needs Josette's magic to fix this sickness. He wouldn't be at her door, begging like this it wasn't his only option. But she doesn't want to see him and he doubts she even read his letter. He can feel it all slipping away and maybe it's what he deserves.

But no, no it's not. He doesn't deserve to go out this way. Kai doesn't want to die.

'I want to live!' He yells at Jo, and he knows he shouldn't yell because it scares her but he's in so much agony that it's the only way for the words to come out. 'Because quite frankly I didn't get to do a whole lot of that before everyone decided that I wasn't worth it.'

It actually… It actually gets through to her. Josette agrees to give him her magic but he also gets something better. Begrudging sympathy. Not for the part of him that's Luke, but for him. Kai. If she can feel even a little bad for him then it means that things weren't entirely his fault and maybe, just maybe he wasn't destined to be a crappy person. He can change.

His gift to her is to leave her alone for the rest of her life. Her and the baby, she was unaware of, growing inside her. It seems like an uncle-move to tell his sister she's pregnant. It means the coven is going to get bigger. It's hope.

Having Jo's magic makes him feel so much better. His appetite actually starts to come back and this time when he returns to the waffle house he orders and extra helping of bacon with the pancakes. His phone buzzes in his pocket and his heartbeat is incomparable to it's buzz. Is it Bonnie?

Ugh.

He regrets giving Damon his number. The vampire's already blowing up his phone in need of a favour.

Apparently his brother Steven turned off his humanity and they need to find out if his mother Lacy is alive in another possible reality or something. Honestly he's not entirely listening, because he's too enraptured by the video playing in the tiny screen of the camcorder. Yeah sure there's Damon's mom or whatever in the background but oh look there's Bonnie. Snowflakes falling on her cold cheeks as she stands in the first Gemini Prison World. Guess that makes her the official world record holder for 'most Prison World's visited'. It's a lonely title.

There's that ominous beating in his chest when he sees her, hammering like clockwork, but this time there's something else with it. Longing. Seeing her fake-interview Damon, rare smile plastering her face as she talks to Kai- to the lens- makes him realise that he needs to see her. He wants all those things that sound terrifying. See, hear, touch, smell- talk to her. Hear her voice. See the look in her eyes when she sees how sorry he is. He needs to apologise. He wants to apologise.

It goes down about as well as he thought it would. A little better actually. She only threatened to melt his face off, she didn't actually do it. Probably didn't help that Damon thought the best way for Kai to apologise was to surprise her at a warehouse party. And kudos for Bonnie to be able to venture into the place because he only made it through the doorway before being assaulted by post prison world disorder. Blaring music, blinding lights, putrid sour smell of alcohol and sweat nearly choking him. But none of that hits like the second he sees her face.

Her smile, at seeing Damon, drops when he walks through the door. Kai's talking to her but it doesn't feel like she can hear him, frozen in fear. She can't even look him in the eye but she musters up the strength to storm past him, magic charged by her anger and exploding the door open.

His disastrous attempt to apologise at the party is all Damon's fault. Isn't he supposed to know the emotional state of his supposed best friend? Why would he think that was a good idea? And how was Kai supposed to know better? When it comes to navigating feelings, it's like the blind leading the deaf.

Which is why he's surprised Bonnie agrees to meet him again. He's only just gotten slight control over his feelings, focusing on one emotion at a time. But when Damon texts him a time and location for the next day he's hit with thousands all trying to shove through the tiny doorway of his heart. Nervousness, excitement and plain old terror squeeze their way through with a little bit of his crush wedged in. The night before seeing her again he has one of those dreams where it's a memory rehashed to a different feeling. Or supposed to be. He dreams of being in the old Parker kitchen, his lips cushioned against another pair and hands sliding down the curve of her hips. It's just the same as before. Lightning striking his stomach and heat pooling in his chest. In the morning he is pleasantly surprised to wake up to some wood among the fabric of the duvet. It's been so long he was worried his sex-drive was broken. Turns out it's just very particular. His type is a short, emerald eyed, fiery tempered, witch.

He's so excited that he arrives at the diner an hour early, swinging between wanting to eat nothing and wanting to eat everything. Fifteen minutes before she arrives he decides to order food. Maybe if he orders something to eat it'll encourage her to do the same and he doesn't want this to be a quick encounter. Everytime there's a ding from the bell above the door he looks up to see a stranger walk in. Until around the seventh time he looks up and sees her.

Bonnie doesn't see him immediately and it's almost like she's trying not to, eyes glued to the walls and to the floor when she enters. Doesn't matter, it means he can just stare at her without interruption from her gaze. Relish every single thing that's happening to him right now. Bonnie's in a purple scarf and grey coat. Her face is a little thinner and he wonders if she's been eating, but other than those small changes, she looks the same. He has to take a deep breath to calm down. She does the same before realising she can't avoid this forever, finally scouring the booths.

Disarmingly beautiful and terribly pissed off when her murderous gaze does land on him. Are witches as prone to heart attacks as humans? They certainly heal better but does that extend to coronary defects? She storms over, sexy little strut, and dumps herself on the chair opposite him, overconfidence to cover that little bit of fear he recognises. How could he not, he gifted it to her on the blade of his knife. His palms are sweating so he hides them under the table. She sets her face in a dark pout, refusing to speak first.

'What?' don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. 'Not gonna melt my face off Bonster?' He has to. Poking the bear that sits in front of him is his way of making contact. And it hasn't escaped his memory that the last time they were this close, he stabbed her. His eyes dart to her torso and she catches the movement, folding her arms and leaning back.

'It's ugly enough without my help.'

So they're sniping at each other. He knows how to do this.

'You didn't seem to think that when you were kissing it.'

The overconfidence shatters.

It was the wrong thing to say.

It was the wrong thing to say because Bonnie's still pretending it never happened.

'I'm here because Damon needs your help.' How quickly she changes the subject back to el-douche.

'I know.' The initial shockwave of experiencing her is simmering into symptoms he can work with. Flexing his fingers, he can now reach for the chips in front of him without his hands shaking. 'Damon filled me in. You're looking for the 1903 Ascendant. Let me just reach into my pocket and pull it out.' He makes a skit of searching while she speaks.

'If you're sincerely looking for a way to make up for the hell that you put me through,' memories of his emotional plea from last night make him cringe, and he has to take a sip, looking at the window to avoid the emotion in her eyes 'this is it '. She punctuates it by knocking the tabletop to get his attention back.

'All right the problem is…' he explains the backstory of the Prison World and the Gemini coven until he's sure she's good and invested in the history lesson, '...and undo layers of magical cloaking spells and then,' she looks more disheartened as he goes on and then he dives into his pocket, 'Oh that's weird…' pulling out the ascendant to the 1903 Prison World, he watches her restrain herself. 'Look at that, it was in my pocket. When Damon mentioned mama Salvatore I started looking around.' More like all he had to do was a quick summoning spell and by the power vested in the Geminin Coven Leader (him) it appeared. But now isn't the time for boasting.

She bites her bottom lip to stop from swearing and he wants to put it between his own teeth. Instead he dangles the ascendant between them and she almost nabs it, but he pulls it out of reach in time. So impatient. 'And If I wanted to I could get her out. And as the newly minted leader of the Gemini coven I don't even need a celestial event to zap us there.' Maybe he can boast a little. He puts the box down onto the table as a sign of truce. She could take it and run and he would let her go. But she stays.

'Okay so, what's the catch?'

She knows him so well.

'I'll go if you go.'

He swallows the lump in his throat as he puts it out there, basically screaming his feelings for her. Her eyes are blown wide and she's seeing him again. Not just looking, like before, she's actually fixing her gaze on his soul and trying to read the pieces bleeding through his words. 'Come on, it could be fun. You know 1903, the gilded age. Didn't you ever dream about time travel?'

'I would rather die of cholera than spend an afternoon with you.'

Ouch.

He needs to remind her that he's not the enemy anymore, he's just trying to help. To make up for what he's done.

'You're way more likely to die at the hands of your gal pal caroline. I bet it'll be over something stupid. Like she stops doing her laundry and you make a snippy comment and she snips off your tongue. I mean, if only there was some way to reunite her with her humanity.' He takes a long sip of coke and watches her squirm over his straw. He's got her.

'Fine.'

It's one word but it inflates him and he lets her see his smile. A genuine smile, for a split second there's no malice in her face as she sees it, just wonder diving into doubt.

'Let's go.' She orders.

'Um I haven't finished eating yet. And if I'm going to be portal jumping then I like to do it on a full stomach.' He picks up one of the sandwiches and makes a show of taking the world's smallest bite, watching her face fall blank as she watches him chew it around extra in his mouth. Is she really going to sit there quietly the entire time he eats? He really did break he-

The clay plate scrapes across the tabletop as she pulls it towards herself and picks up the second sandwich, taking a bite way bigger than his own. He's in awe of the size of her mouth.

'Please,' he drips in sarcastic hindsight, 'help yourself.'

'Don't mind if I do.' She says through stuffed cheeks, giving him a full view mashed bits of bread. He knows she's trying hard to gross him out but all he wants to do is pull her over and see what grilled cheese tastes like when it's dipped in her saliva. She really can't outgross him.

Other than that she says nothing else. And he doesn't know what to say either. It's a first. He's totally lost for words. So he does something he never thought he would. He speaks from the heart.

'Bonnie I'm sorry.'

She stops mid-chew but doesn't swallow, her own throat closing up too.

'When I merged with Luke I got a bunch of his abilities, I think, and a whole buttload of emotions too. And remember how I said I was a socio-path,' she doesn't respond so he skips right past that. 'Well I can't say that anymore.' It's not a joke but he laughs nervously anyway, 'I know what I did was wrong now and hurting you is one of my biggest regrets. If I could take it back I would. I'm sorry, Bonnie.'

When she reaches across the table he thinks she's going to slap him. But she's moving too slowly for that. It's worse. She steals his half eaten sandwich and stands up.

'Let's go.'

But his sandwich?

The whole walk over to the Salvatore house she stays five steps ahead of him. And to add insult to injury, she's not even eating the sandwich, she's tearing off pieces and throwing it to the birds as they go. He lets her have this if it means she's a step closer to forgiving him, despite how badly his rumbling stomach protests.

'Why are you even helping Damon get his ripper mother out of the prison world?'

'If you're so against it then why are you here?' She shouts back, tossing another crumb into the trees.

'Because you asked me to help.' He's suddenly got the urge to walk faster and catch up to her to see whatever she's thinking but he knows she needs distance. Baby steps. Quite literally, his legs are way longer than hers which means he's basically crawling to give her the distance. 'Doesn't mean I like it. You're always doing things like this Bon-'

'You think because you watched me for a few months you know anything about me?'

That feels like the slap she wanted to give earlier.

'I know that you're always sacrificing yourself, risking your life- tell me, how many times have you almost died for these people? Can you honestly say they'd do the same?' He thinks he's gotten to her because she starts inadvertently slowing down, making him walk even slower to compete.

'It's called being selfless, Kai. Maybe if you cared about people you'd know about it.'

'No, it's called being a martyr. You know you should really put yourself first more.' As he talks he can feel himself sounding sterner but he can't help it. It annoys him how quick she is to throw away her life. And if she had actually succeeded any number of the billion other times he's heard about then chances are they never would have met.

'Why do you care?'

Without missing a beat that chatty nervous half of him takes over. 'You're Bonnie Bennett, grand-daughter to Sheila Bennett and one of the fiercest witches I've ever seen. If you die the same way Sheila went out,' and he pauses to let her wallow in the memory, aware of how cruel he's being but knowing it's necessary to get through to her, 'then it would be a tragedy.'

He nearly bumps into her when she stops, dumping the rest of the bread on the side of the path. Bonnie turns around to look up at him. Her big glassy eyes are empty, all the emotions that should fill them are residing with him.

'Don't ever talk about my Grams again.' Her voice is level, a straight cut to his chest and it stings. Short, sweet pain that he can brush off when they begin walking again. No more conversation.

Here in this icy landscape, layering the trees and the grass in the purest snow, it looks just as bleak as if they came in the dead of night. Somehow seeing the trees and flowers and the grass and the greenery, he came to quite like in the forests of Mystic Falls, slowly suffocating under the snowy blanket isn't something he likes. But on the surface it looks beautiful, if they were going to ignore the whole frozen death aspect of nature. And he likes nature- Luke likes nature- but Kai's always held a deep respect for it as a witch, that he's never been able to articulate until now.

He sticks his tongue out to catch a falling flake.

And also, yum.

'I don't want to leave you alone with him.' Elena offers hollowly. She doesn't want to leave Damon more, and when it comes to her friends Bonnie is an afterthought. .

'I'll be fine. He's good now remember?' She whispers to Elena. Her voice isn't even that loud but he's keenly aware of every peak and trough. It was his radio for months of isolation. She let's her voice become forcibly light to convince Elena to leave her, and he knows better than to think it's that easy. 'New leaf.' And Elena takes it as easily as that, leaving the two of them alone.

'New leaf? You believe me?' He forgoes pretending that he wasnt listening in.

'Hell no.' It's enough to feel like he's been stabbed again. 'But Damon and Elena need to meet his mom alone,' she's babysitting him, 'so shut up and let's find the ascendant.

Instead of letting it get him down he decides to try harder. When they're alone again he takes another chance at apologising, maybe if he says it enough she'll finally believe him. But she keeps chanting over his words, refusing to acknowledge what he's trying to say. It's like every time he tries to apologize or speak to her she completely shuts down. And it's not a recent development in their relationship. She did it the first time she met him too, when she found out what he did to his coven. She wouldn't even hear his side of the story and buried an axe in his chest- before he ever did anything to her. Then she went and stabbed him and now she's hurting him all over again. This time she doesn't even have to use words. She's hurting him with this silence.

'Bonnie listen to me!' He feels like a child yelling for attention which is why he grabs her wrist. It's an instinct, this need to touch her to remind himself that he's not invisible anymore and she can see him.

'I will never like you, or trust you or enjoy your company for even a second so just quit trying.'

Kai wants to die again, heart plummeting towards a rocky ground.

'So why agree to spend an afternoon with me if you don't think I can change?' There has to be a reason she's here with him. He refuses to believe it's just because he's making her. Bonnie Bennett can't be forced into things.

'Because maybe you're right,' and when she says it he swears, for a split second, the pain she gives him feels worth it. 'Maybe there's a part of me that believes there's a sliver of good in you.' Because alongside the pain she's gifted him hope. Kai smiles, beams at her and gives a breathy laugh, letting out some of the relief flooding his lungs. The fact that she's here does mean something.

'And you'd be right.' He turns around, feeling so much lighter than he has done in years. Having Bonnie's faith in him is so strangely uplifting. He's almost floating as he carries on looking for the asce-

Pain hits his leg like a dull throbbing before becoming sharper, stinging in the cold.

The fact that she's here means hope is a bitch.

Dropping to the freezing ground, he rolls over to look at Bonnie and sees nothing but contempt in her eyes. In iris' that used to be the deepest shade of green, now engulfed in hollow black by her huge pupils, he witnesses his own nightmare.

She hates him.

She really, truly hates him and it breaks something inside of him.

He barely manages to get away with his life, only remembering that he has enough magic to disappear just as she brings the knife down to where his heart would have been.

He's bleeding and he doesn't know where to go or what to do. All he wants is to curl up on his crappy motel bed again. He wants to cry. He wants to sit there and cry and wait for the weather to kill him because it's what he deserves. When he manages to string a coherent thought together it's telling him to go find her again- grovel harder, cry at her feet and beg for forgiveness. Sure, he's disgusted by the thought of it but he'd do it all the same for her. But when he catches up to them it's in time to see the gang abandon him, catch a glimpse of the smug joy on Bonnie's face. He was right, she loves to see him suffer.

His strangled laugh is from the sick realisation that this feels right. More natural than those few seconds of floating her fake faith gave him. It devolves into a cry because he now knows how twisted that is.

Kai can get out, it's not hard. The ascendant is currently getting buried in layers of snow but it's fixable. All he needs is Bennett blood and surely she must realise he knows where to get that from- unless nobody told her that it was Kai alongside Jeremy who helped get that message to her in the 1994 Prison World.

Son of a bitch.

The one good deed he's done, and she has no idea.

The boarding house is in the same direction as it was in 1994, no duh, so he heads there. Being in emotional and physical anguish has made him hungry- that and the fact that Bonnie stole ¾ of his brunch. She's hurt him in a lot of ways but the sandwich thing might be the worst betrayal of them all, now that he realises she knew she was going to stab him and dump all the while. Betrayal on a full stomach wouldn't have been so bad. His need to eat his feelings drives him to the old Salvatore attic looking for food. That's where he, the bleeding, fresh, warm human-witch, discovers the desiccating heretic vampires. Needless to say it doesn't go well.


	12. Hope is a bitch

The night he finds out she's back he's wide awake as usual.

Every night he stares up at the ceiling for hours until eventually he drifts into a crappy rest. Some nights he has nightmares, memories warped to show even more emotions he never registered, other nights he dreams of drowning again. But since his trip to save Bonnie he keeps replaying what happened over and over and over again. How absolutely heartbroken she looked. How beautiful she still remains when her heart is in pieces. And how much it hurt to look at her. But most of all, most of all he keeps replaying the moment Liv stabbed him.

Bleeding out on the floor and he genuinely saw death, the end of his life and all he could think about was how he and Bonnie would probably be dying on the same day- sort of, if you account for Prison world semantics.

Either way he prayed he'd see her on the other side.

And then Jeremy begged him to send him back to save her life and he did it without question. He did it, because he could die peacefully so long as his life saved _her's. _The girl that screamed her way into his life and pulled him across oceans. So long as he saved her, he could die just fine. And it's that moment that keeps him up at night because he's not so sure it's because of Luke. At that moment, he felt more like himself than he had in a long time.

And then of course he lived and in hindsight he was a drama queen.

This particular night, he's trying to decide which one he'd prefer before realising that alcohol is a thing and nothing is an option. But that could lead him down a dark path and he remembers what Damon was like when he drank. Luckily his turmoil is interrupted.

A single buzz from his phone sitting on the nightstand, to indicate the first text message he's ever received from a number he's begrudgingly saved. Think of the devil. Even frenemies need to be able to contact each other:

Bonnie's back.

Then another, quick, buzz while the phone is in his hand and the second message sits firmly under the first for him to squint at.

Leave her alone.

He barely managed to look at her when he and Jeremy were saving her. Damon didn't need to text it. The thought of actually having her in front of him, see her, touch her, smell her, hear her- what would she say? The thought of it makes him nausauos.

For a second, he swears he feels the faintest itch- and he wants to be sick.

No, he actually _is_ sick.

Not just the once.

Again.

And again.

And again.

In fact he pukes for nearly a whole day straight and by the next one he's desperately stumbling out of the motel with one destination in mind, all thoughts of seeing Bonnie are thrown from his head. (One scary lady at a time). Or maybe she'd like seeing him suffer like this.

He needs Josette's magic to fix this sickness. He wouldn't be at her door, begging like this it wasn't his only option. But she doesn't want to see him and he doubts she even read his letter. He can feel it all slipping away and maybe, it's what he deserves.

But he's feeling remorse. Which means there's..._hope_ for him.

And he doesn't want to lose hope when he's only just found it for the first time in his life.

So _no_, no it's not. He doesn't deserve to go out this way. Kai doesn't want to die.

'I want to live!' He yells at Jo after listening to her berate him and feeling each word stab his already fragile body. He knows he shouldn't yell because it scares her but he's in so much agony that it's the only way his words come out. 'Because quite frankly I didn't get to do a whole lot of that before everyone decided that I wasn't _worth it!_'

It actually…

It actually gets through to her. Josette agrees to give him her magic but he also gets something better. Begrudging sympathy. Not for the part of him that's Luke, but for _him_. Kai. If she can feel even a little bad for him then it means that things weren't _entirely _his fault and maybe, just maybe he wasn't destined to be a crappy person. He can change.

His gift to her is to leave her alone for the rest of her life. Her and the baby, she was unaware of, growing inside her. It seems like an uncle-move to tell his sister she's pregnant. It means the coven is going to get bigger. It's hope.

Having Jo's magic makes him feel so much better. His appetite actually starts to come back and this time when he returns to the waffle house he orders an extra helping of bacon with the pancakes. His phone vibrates in his pocket and his heartbeat is incomparable to it's buzz. Is it Bonnie?

Ugh.

He regrets giving Damon his number. The vampire's already blowing up his phone in need of a favour.

Apparently his brother Steven turned off his humanity and they need to find out if his mother Lacy is alive in another possible reality or something. Honestly he's not entirely listening, because he's too enraptured by the video replaying on the tiny screen of the camcorder. Yeah sure there's Damon's mom or whatever in the background but oh look there's Bonnie. Snowflakes falling on her cold cheeks as she stands in the first Gemini Prison World. Guess that makes her the official world record holder for 'most Prison World's visited'. It's a lonely title.

There's that ominous beating in his chest when he sees her, hammering like clockwork, but this time there's something else with it. Longing. Seeing her fake-interview Damon, rare smile plastering her face as she talks to Kai- to the lens- makes him realise that he _needs _to see her. He wants all those things that sound terrifying. See, hear, touch, smell- talk to her. Hear her voice. See the look in her eyes when she sees how sorry he is. He needs to apologise. He _wants_ to apologise.

It goes down about as well as he thought it would. A little better actually. She only _threatened_ to melt his face off, she didn't actually do it. Probably didn't help that Damon thought the best way for Kai to apologise was to surprise her at a warehouse party. And kudos for Bonnie to be able to venture into the place because he only made it through the doorway before being assaulted by post prison world disorder. Blaring music, blinding lights, the putrid sour smell of alcohol and sweat nearly choking him.

But none of that hits like the second he sees her face.

Her smile, at seeing Damon, drops when Kai walks through the door. Damon does a quick, awkward, introduction Kai's talking to her but it doesn't feel like she can hear him, frozen in fear. She can't even look him in the eye but she musters up the strength to storm past him, magic charged by her anger and exploding the door open.

His disastrous attempt to apologise at the party is all Damon's fault. Isn't he supposed to know the emotional state of his supposed _best friend?_ Why would he think that was a good idea? And how was Kai supposed to know better? When it comes to navigating feelings, it's like the blind leading the deaf.

Which is why he's surprised Bonnie agrees to meet him again. He's only just gotten slight control over his feelings, focusing on one emotion at a time. But when Damon texts him a time and location for the next day he's hit with thousands all trying to shove through the tiny doorway of his heart. Nervousness, excitement and plain old terror squeeze their way through with a little bit of his crush wedged in. The night before seeing her again he has one of those dreams where it's a memory rehashed to a different feeling. Or supposed to be. He dreams of being in the old Parker kitchen, his lips cushioned against another pair and hands sliding down the curve of her hips. It's just the same as before. Lightning striking his stomach and heat pooling in his chest. In the morning he is pleasantly surprised to wake up to some wood among the fabric of the duvet. It's been so long he was worried his sex-drive was broken. Turns out it's just very particular. His type is a short, emerald eyed, fiery tempered, witch.

He's so excited that he arrives at the diner an hour early, swinging between wanting to eat nothing and wanting to eat everything. Fifteen minutes before she arrives he decides to order food. Maybe if he orders something to eat it'll encourage her to do the same and he doesn't want this to be a quick encounter. Everytime there's a ding from the bell above the door he looks up to see a stranger walk in. Until around the seventh time he looks up and sees her.

Bonnie doesn't see him immediately and it's almost like she's trying not to, eyes glued to the walls and to the floor when she enters. Doesn't matter, it means he can just stare at her without interruption from her gaze. Relish every single thing that's happening to him right now.

Bonnie's in a purple scarf and grey coat. Her face is a little thinner and he wonders if she's been eating, but other than those small changes, she looks the same. He has to take a deep breath to calm down. She does the same before realising she can't avoid this forever, finally scouring the booths.

Disarmingly beautiful and terribly pissed off when her murderous gaze does land on him. Are witches as prone to heart attacks as humans? They certainly heal better but does that extend to coronary defects? She storms over, sexy little strut, and dumps herself on the chair opposite him, overconfidence to cover that little bit of fear he recognises. How could he not, he gifted it to her on the blade of his knife. His palms are sweating so he hides them under the table. She sets her face in a dark pout, refusing to speak first.

'What?' don't say it. Don't say it. _Don't say it._ 'Not gonna melt my face off Bonster?'

He has to.

Poking the bear that sits in front of him is his way of making contact. And it hasn't escaped his memory that the last time they were this close, he stabbed her. His eyes dart to her torso and she catches the movement, folding her arms and leaning back.

'It's ugly enough without my help.'

So they're sniping at each other. He knows how to do this.

'You didn't seem to think that when you were kissing it.'

Her overconfidence shatters.

It was the wrong thing to say.

It was the wrong thing to say because Bonnie's still pretending it never happened.

'I'm here because Damon needs your help.' How quickly she changes the subject back to el-douche, masking the sudden vulnerability with anger- _god_, Luke was brilliant at this whole reading emotions thing.

'I know.' The initial shockwave of experiencing her is simmering into symptoms he can work with. Flexing his fingers, he can now reach for the chips in front of him without his hands shaking. 'Damon filled me in. You're looking for the 1903 Ascendant. Let me just reach into my pocket and pull it out.' He makes a skit of searching while she speaks.

'If you're sincerely looking for a way to make up for the hell that you put me through,' memories of his emotional plea from last night make him cringe, and he has to take a sip, looking at the window to avoid the emotion in her eyes 'this is it '. She punctuates it by knocking the tabletop to get his attention back.

'All right the problem is…' he explains the backstory of the Prison World and the Gemini coven until he's sure she's good and invested in the history lesson, '...and undo layers of magical cloaking spells and then,' she looks more disheartened as he goes on and then he dives into his pocket, 'Oh that's weird…' pulling out the ascendant to the 1903 Prison World, he watches her restrain herself. 'Look at that, it was in my pocket. When Damon mentioned mama Salvatore I started looking around.' More like all he had to do was a quick summoning spell and by the power vested in the Gemini Coven Leader (him) it appeared. But now isn't the time for boasting.

She bites her bottom lip to stop from swearing and he wants to put it between his own teeth. Instead he dangles the ascendant between them and she almost nabs it, but he pulls it out of reach in time. So impatient. 'And If I wanted to I could get her out. And as the newly minted leader of the Gemini coven I don't even need a celestial event to zap us there.' Maybe he can boast a little. He puts the box down onto the table as a sign of truce. She could take it and run and he would let her go.

But she stays.

'Okay so, what's the catch?' Bonnie asks, eyes narrowed and fuming at his little bit. In any other situation that would have

She knows him so well.

'I'll go if you go.'

He swallows the lump in his throat as he puts it out there, basically screaming his feelings for her. Her eyes are blown wide and she's seeing him again. Not just looking, like before, she's actually fixing her gaze on his soul and trying to read the pieces bleeding through his words. 'Come on, it could be fun. You know 1903, the gilded age. Didn't you ever dream about time travel?' His imagining of Bonnie in a glittery, golden flapper dress is cut short. She starts smiling across from him and his heart beats so much faster.

'I would rather die of cholera than spend an afternoon with you.'

Ouch. It's not a smile, it's a sneer.

He needs to remind her that he's not the enemy anymore, he's just trying to help. To make up for what he's done.

'You're way more likely to die at the hands of your gal pal Caroline.' He remembers the names of her friends very well when he wants to make a point, and this is going to be the mother of all points. 'I bet it'll be over something stupid. Like she stops doing her laundry and you make a snippy comment and she snips off your tongue. I mean, if only there was some way to reunite her with her humanity.'

He takes a long sip of coke and watches her squirm over his straw. He's got her.

'Fine.'

It's one word but it inflates him and he lets her see his smile. A genuine smile, for a split second there's no malice in her face as she sees it, just wonder diving into doubt.

'Let's go.' She orders.

'Um I haven't finished eating yet. And if I'm going to be portal jumping then I like to do it on a full stomach.' He picks up one of the sandwiches and makes a show of taking the world's smallest bite, watching her face fall blank as she watches him chew it around extra in his mouth. Is she really going to sit there quietly the entire time he eats? He really did break he-

The clay plate scrapes across the tabletop as she pulls it towards herself and picks up the second sandwich, taking a bite way bigger than his own. He's in awe of the size of her mouth.

'Please,' he drips in sarcastic hindsight, 'help yourself.'

'Don't mind if I do.' She says through stuffed cheeks, giving him a full view mashed bits of bread.

He knows she's trying hard to gross him out but all he wants to do is pull her over and see what grilled cheese tastes like when it's dipped in her saliva. She really can't outgross him.

Other than that she says nothing else. And he doesn't know what to say either. It's a first. He's totally lost for words. So he does something he never thought he would. He speaks from the heart.

'Bonnie I'm sorry.'

She stops mid-chew but doesn't swallow, her own throat closing up too.

'When I merged with Luke I got a bunch of his abilities, I think, and a whole buttload of emotions too. And remember how I said I was a socio-path,' she doesn't respond so he skips right past that. 'Well I can't say that anymore.' It's not a joke but he laughs nervously anyway, 'I know what I did was wrong now and hurting you is one of my biggest regrets. If I could take it back I would. I'm sorry, Bonnie.'

When she reaches across the table he thinks she's going to slap him. But she's moving too slowly for that. It's worse. She steals his half eaten sandwich and stands up.

'Let's go.'

But his sandwich?

The whole walk over to the Salvatore house she stays five steps ahead of him. To add insult to injury, she's not even eating the sandwich. She's tearing off pieces and throwing it to the birds as they go. He lets her have this if it means she's a step closer to forgiving him, despite how badly his rumbling stomach protests.

'Why are you even helping Damon get his ripper mother out of the prison world?'

'If you're so against it then why are you here?' She shouts back, tossing another crumb into the tree line.

'Because you asked me to help.' He's suddenly got the urge to walk faster and catch up to her to see whatever she's thinking but he knows she needs distance. Baby steps. Quite literally, his legs are way longer than hers which means he's basically crawling to give her the distance. 'Doesn't mean I like it. You're always doing things like this Bon-'

'You think because you watched me for a few months, you know anything about me?'

That feels like the slap she wanted to give earlier.

'I know that you're always sacrificing yourself, risking your life- tell me, how many times have you almost died for these people? Can you honestly say they'd do the same?' He thinks he's gotten to her because she starts inadvertently slowing down, making him walk even slower to compete.

'It's called being selfless, Kai. Maybe if you cared about people you'd know about it.'

'No, it's called being a martyr. You know you should really put yourself first more.' As he talks he can feel himself sounding sterner but he can't help it. It annoys him how quick she is to throw away her life. And if she had actually succeeded any number of the billion other times he's heard about then chances are they never would have met.

'Why do you care?'

Without missing a beat that chatty nervous half of him takes over. 'You're Bonnie Bennett, grand-daughter to Sheila Bennett and one of the fiercest witches I've ever seen. If you die the same way Sheila went out,' and he pauses to let her wallow in the memory, aware of how cruel he's being but knowing it's necessary to get through to her, 'then it would be a tragedy.'

He nearly bumps into her when she stops, dumping the rest of the bread on the side of the path. Bonnie turns around to look up at him. Her big glassy eyes are empty, all the emotions that should fill them are residing with him.

'Don't ever talk about my Grams again.' Her voice is level, a straight cut to his chest, blue feelings bleeding out from the wound. Short, sweet pain that he can pretend to brush off when they begin walking again. No more conversation.

Here in this icy landscape, layer upon layer of the purest white snow on the trees and the grass, it looks just as bleak as if they came in the dead of night. Somehow seeing the trees and flowers and the grass and the greenery, he came to quite like in the forests of Mystic Falls, slowly suffocating under the snowy blanket isn't something he likes. But on the surface it looks beautiful, if they were going to ignore the whole frozen death aspect of nature. And he likes nature- Luke likes nature- but Kai's always held a deep respect for it as a witch, that he's never been able to articulate until now.

He sticks his tongue out to catch a falling flake.

And also, yum.

'I don't want to leave you alone with him.' Elena offers hollowly. She doesn't want to leave Damon more, and when it comes to her friends, Bonnie is an afterthought. .

'I'll be fine. He's good now remember?' She whispers to Elena.

Her voice isn't even that loud but he's keenly aware of every peak and trough. It was his radio for months of isolation. She let's her voice become forcibly light to convince Elena to leave her, and he knows better than to think it's that easy.

'New leaf.' And Elena takes it as easily as that, leaving the two of them alone.

'New leaf? You believe me?' He forgoes pretending that he wasnt listening in.

'Hell no.' She snaps, throwing away the sweet voice she had on for Elena. It's getting harder and harder to pretend that she isn't getting to him. 'But Damon and Elena need to meet his mom alone. So shut up and let's find the ascendant.' She's babysitting him.

Instead of letting it get him down he decides to try harder. When they're alone again he takes another chance at apologising, maybe if he says it enough she'll finally believe him. But she keeps chanting over his words, refusing to acknowledge what he's trying to say. It's like every time he tries to apologize or speak to her she completely shuts down. And it's not a recent development in their relationship. She did it the first time she met him too, when she found out what he did to his coven. She wouldn't even hear his side of the story and buried an axe in his chest- before he ever did anything to her. Then she went and stabbed him and now she's hurting him all over again. This time she doesn't even have to use words. She's hurting him with this silence.

'Bonnie listen to me_!'_ He feels like a child yelling for attention which is why he grabs her wrist. It's an instinct, this need to touch her to remind himself that he's not invisible anymore and she _can _see him.

'I will never like you, or trust you or enjoy your company for even a second so just quit trying.'

Kai wants to die again, heart plummeting towards a rocky ground.

'So why agree to spend an afternoon with me if you don't think I can change?' There has to be a reason she's here with him. He refuses to believe it's just because he's making her. Bonnie Bennett can't be forced into things.

'Because maybe you're right,' and when she says it he swears, for a split second, the pain she gives him feels worth it. 'Maybe there's a part of me that believes there's a sliver of good in you.' Because alongside the pain she's gifted him hope. Kai smiles, beams at her and gives a breathy laugh, letting out some of the relief flooding his lungs. The fact that she's here does mean something.

'And you'd be right.' He turns around, feeling so much lighter than he has done in years. Having Bonnie's faith in him is so strangely uplifting. He's almost floating as he carries on looking for the asce-

Pain hits his leg like a dull throbbing before becoming sharper, stinging in the cold.

The fact that she's here means hope is a bitch.

Dropping to the freezing ground, he rolls over to look at Bonnie and sees nothing but contempt in her eyes. In iris' that used to be the deepest shade of green, now engulfed in hollow black by her huge pupils, he witnesses his own nightmare.

She hates him.

She really, truly hates him and it breaks something inside of him.

He barely manages to get away with his life, only remembering that he has enough magic to disappear just as she brings the knife down to where his heart would have been.

He's bleeding and he doesn't know where to go or what to do. All he wants is to curl up on his crappy motel bed again. He wants to cry. He wants to sit there and cry and wait for the weather to kill him because it's what he deserves. When he manages to string a coherent thought together it's telling him to go find her again- grovel harder, cry at her feet and beg for forgiveness. Sure, he's disgusted by the thought of it but he'd do it all the same for her. But when he catches up to them it's in time to see the gang abandon him, catch a glimpse of the smug joy on Bonnie's face. He was right, she loves to see him suffer.

His strangled laugh is from the sick realisation that this feels right. More natural than those few seconds of floating her fake faith gave him. It devolves into a cry because he now knows how twisted that is.

Kai can get out, it's not hard. The ascendant is currently getting buried in layers of snow but it's fixable. All he needs is Bennett blood and surely she must realise he knows where to get that from- unless nobody told her that it was Kai alongside Jeremy who helped get that message to her in the 1994 Prison World.

Son of a bitch.

The one good deed he's done, and she has no idea.

The boarding house is in the same direction as it was in 1994, no duh, so he heads there. Being in emotional and physical anguish has made him hungry- that and the fact that Bonnie stole ¾ of his brunch. She's hurt him in a lot of ways but the sandwich thing might be the worst betrayal of them all, now that he realises she knew she was going to stab him and dump all the while. Betrayal on a full stomach wouldn't have been so bad. His need to eat his feelings drives him to the old Salvatore attic looking for food. That's where he, the bleeding, fresh, warm human-witch, discovers the desiccating heretic vampires. Needless to say it doesn't go well.


	13. Once more with feeling

Pain, he realises, comes in a spectrum- much like a rainbow. All these different types and variations with lots of different shades to them, but they all meet at the inevitable white blur. It hurts. He hurts. So while he hurts he categorises the pain in two main types. Physical and emotional. Kai would like to say with absolute certainty that emotional pain is worse than physical pain. Physical pain will always have an end, even if the end is death. Emotional hurt can last a lifetime, and get worse as it goes on. But right now, as his body is being drained of blood, ichor ripped from his veins by what feels like hundreds of knives piercing his flesh, he doesn't remember emotional pain feeling this crippling. Even if there is an end coming, this moment is eternity. He is trapped in a cycle of suffering, hot behind his eyelids, and nothing will make it stop. He can't speak, holes in his neck and shredded muscle bleeding out. He can't move, limbs frozen in horror and agony as he sees blurry figures feast- an arm and a leg each to make sure he isn't crowded. He can't think beyond the torment. The first thing he did was try to use magic, that's how he learnt what it feels like to be siphoned and he's sorry to every single person he ever took magic from.

Her face, contorted in pain, is the image he latches onto to help him get through this. Her face in pain, her face when she's angry, her face when she's smug, happy and upset, all flash through his mind. Her face, completely remorseless as she abandoned him here, is the last thing he can focus on before finally passing out.

Great emotional intelligence is a curse more than anything. Because now it means Kai can look back on thoughts in hindsight, with a new perspective. Sometimes those thoughts should have been left alone. Like the events which lead to him getting stuck in yet another prison world. She's not so lonely in her title anymore. This one doesn't even have wifi. He keeps replaying the look on Bonnie's face and just how out of character the whole thing was. Stabbing him and leaving him here isn't a Bonnie move, it's so sneaky and underhanded, she wouldn't even pretend to roll a six when Damon wasn't looking. She can blame the flip in personality on him all she wants but he's not entirely to blame. Something reeks of Damon Salvatore and it's not just his old bed, which Kai is now sequestered in. That smells more like mold than anything else. Everything smells like mold in 1903.

Bonnie's already got this mean streak, let's not forget who threw the first pick-axe, couple that with Damon's poor morality and bingo bango there's your answer. Damon must have convinced her to stab him and leave him here.

Let's not dance around his feelings and say what this really is.

She's becoming more like Damon.

And Kai is jealous.

Because he knows that deep down, the whole reason she looks past Damon's flaws and spits on Kai's is because she cares about Damon. She came back for Damon 13 times. Maybe she's even got a thing for him. But Bon Bon is too loyal to Elsa to do a thing about it. Bet if it was the other way around old crazypants wouldn't be so dutiful. Unfortunately Bonnie can't see past any of that.

He explains all of this to Nora.

One of his Heretic hosts.

This Prison World is not unpopulated. Which in a way is nice except his cellmates have taken to using him as a walking bloodbag. He's taken to letting them so long as he has their help to get out of here. These guys don't frown on his past, monsters don't judge other monsters. Besides, after almost killing him on the first night, it's not like he has much of a choice anyway.

They take it in turns feeding on him little by little until they're completely undessicated, in the meanwhile he's set up in Damon's original bedroom complete with photos of him on the dresser in old-timey soldier get up. Grandpa was a war hero.

'Perhaps she needs you to be the villain in all this because if she takes a cold hard look at herself and all the terrible things she's done then she'll start to hate herself too.' Nora offers helpfully, drawing her fangs back from his wrist. She offers him some vampire blood for healing but he declines. He heals fast enough, the tiny puncture wounds fade by the next day.

He's nowhere near as insightful in his observations, but he calls it like he sees it.

'Maybe she just really hates me and likes Damon.'

'Perhaps,' Nora goes on, taking her handkerchief to wipe her mouth, 'Perhaps, Bonnie thinks she's not good enough to compete with her friend for Damon's love so she goes for his friendship instead.'

Nora makes him think. He likes that. Kai puts it down to their shared Gemini heritage. Turns out Nora was another coven secret. Siphon like him, turning herself into a vampire to solve the problem- something he'd never even considered.

'Best thing I ever did.' She happily tells him when he asks about it. 'Aside from having to drink blood, I'm ageless, powerful and immortal, my magic is all still there. Not to be heathonistic but I'm essentially a god. And this way I get to be with my Mary-Louise for all eternity.'

When she says that it flicks on a lightbulb in the dusty basement of his mind.

Nora leaves him to think about it. He's got an hour until the next person needs their feed and usually he fills the time by reading because it's not like he can listen to music or anything since he forgot to bring his headphones. Just another thing 1903 lacks. And he just knows he's going to have to deal with nightmares about colonial plumbing when he gets back.

Page two of Sun Tzu- it's either that or a book of fairy tales in ye-old english- and he's still thinking about Bonnie. By this point he's been stuck here a few days.

Damon got his girlfriend, to look past what a trainwreck he was, to care for him. Why can't Bonnie do the same for Kai? And he doesn't bullshit himself that it's because he's a terrible person and all the bad things he's done. He closes the book and dives for Sleeping Beauty instead.

'I've seen this before.' Valerie continues the thought as she sits on the chair by his bed, pulling away from his arm as he finishes his vent, 'she does not believe her love is good enough to redeem someone.'

Huh.

Elena thinks her love is god's gift which is why she fights so damn hard for it with Damon, but Bonnie... Bonster Bonnie Bennett doesn't think that loving her is a good enough reason to redeem someone because Bonnie Bennett doesn't think much of her love at all. And it's a fucking travesty. She doesn't think she's worth it.

Day three and everyone is back to their peachy-undead complexions and it's time to start operation get-the-hell-out, the sequel.

This one is so much more thrilling than the first. Before there was so much stabbing and betrayal, majorly his fault but also Bonnie's, now it's like the movie around the world in 80 days. Nora and Oscar volunteer to join him, and not just because he's their food source but to actually help.

He has to change out of his blood stained clothes and into something from the Salvatore brothers' wardrobe. It's all tunics and long shirts and petticoats, my god- was he really so bad that he has to suffer like this? Thank god there's nobody to see him that he cares about. Bonnie would never let him live this down if she knew. But Valerie kindly offers to wash his clothes while they're away so he can change back into them when they eventually leave.

Step one is getting to Nova Scotia.

Pretty hard when there are no cars, no horses, and pretty much no way to travel over thirty miles an hour without risking his life. So the first leg of their journey is spent biking to the nearest train station.

'When you get out, you've gotta watch the movie Stand by me.' He takes a bit of the sugar cane snack Oscar packed for him- he would have preferred cheetos but there are none here (thank you very fucking much Bon Bon). Mmm. Sweet bark.

'And what is a movie, pray tell?' Nora asks.

'Um, like a moving picture.' He spits the mulch out over his handles and past the train track. 'There's loads of them in the future. Most of them are skip worthy but there are a few good ones.'

'Skip-worthy?' Oscar asks from beside Nora.

'It means, not good.'

By the time he gets to explaining the power of mobile devices they reach the train yard. Luckily for him Nora and Oscar are excellent at powering a steam engine and know this world like the back of their hands after having ripped it apart for blood. So while Oscar navigates and Nora shovels coal, they insist he goes and rests in the train compartment, delicate meat sack that he is. He wonders what it would be like to never get tired, or age or die. The last feeling he's well acquainted with and he knows how handy it would be. He goes to sleep with his head against the train window, looking up at the green lights playing in the night sky. A moment after closing his eyes, drifting in the vacuum of his thoughts before getting sucked into a dream, he feels it again.

It's not like it ever left but he just got so used to ignoring it, especially when she was always so near. This time the tugging feels like it's pulling on his guts. Wrenching a permanent crater. He knows that she's on the other end, probably asleep in her warm bed and he wonders if she's thinking about him too.

Nora can fly a hot air balloon. This is legitimately the coolest thing he's ever done. Yeah sure he can fly a plane or whatever but a hot air balloon is so much cooler. He feels as if he could fall out any second, leaning over the wicker basket to look down at the moving treetops.

'Cover your ears.' Nora yells over the freezing cold wind, and Oscar does the same. Pulling the lever a huge flame erupts, roaring over the blast of air and the basket bounces as they fly higher, his stomach jolts as they glide. Near perfect landing among the bushes and trees. The map only had Nova Scotia circled so he's a little unsure of how to find the exact location of this Bennett rock. One problem at a time right? Luckily, he's got magic.

Oh, sweet sweet heightened magical senses.

The minute he steps foot on the grass the rock sings to him. He chooses to take Oscar down to the cave. Of the two heretics he's less likely to cotton on to the fact that the cure for vampirism is only meters away. Kai grabs the rock, and slips the cloaked cure into his pouch when Oscar's not looking. Taking that baby back to a town full of vampires is going to be a powerful bargaining chip. Nora lets him pilot the balloon on the way back, only taking over at points where he almost crashes them into the ocean. But despite his self destructive tendencies, they make it back to the house in one piece.

Now they've got the blood, the ascendant and an abundance of magic, they're ready to leave.

'What shall you do upon our freedom?' Mary-Louise asks him that evening. They've all gathered for a toast in the Salvatore living room to celebrate their oncoming departure.

'Not a clue.' Kai lies.

As nice as his time has been here, as distracting and almost cathartic an adventure, he hasn't stopped thinking about what he's going to do when he gets out. The problem is he's been feeling like Luke lately because of all these new emotions- wanting to apologise and grovel and cry all the time, but he's not Luke he's Kai. Yes the emotions are new but they're all his own. He knows this now because amongst all his despair and sorrow, he recognises the feeling that crops up, something saint Luke would never think of. Like an old friend, and he's missed the strength the feeling gives him because lately no matter how much magic he has he feels so weak. He needs to remind himself of who he is so he latches onto the emotion, because he guesses in a way feeling nothing is still something.

Apathy.

Complete and total indifference to the pain he wants to cause her, them, his entire coven. It's clear now that they're never going to like or trust him or enjoy his company for even a second. So he'll quit trying.

The first thing he's going to do is visit Bonnie and let her know just how badly she hurt him.

Kai decides to cook everyone a nice goodbye meal, sauteed-ish veggies, a cake for dessert-that he literally has to bake over an open fire- and stuffing balls, whistling all the while. Honestly he did his best with what he had. A few drops of blood in their juice on a nicely decorated table, red daisies in a vase he found, then he rings the dinner bell (how 1903).

'Come and get it. Big breakfast for a big day. It's time we get the hell out of this place.' And he laughs to himself at the thought of the chaos to come.


	14. Broken glass Shattered soul

A symphony of broken glass shattering across the room. Explosions rippling through hundreds of ears, throwing bodies like they're leaves and snapping bones ring through the air with falling bells. This cannot be erased.

Try as they might, and they're trying so damn hard, no one is going to forget Kai Parker.

'The sun!' Nora looks so happy to see it, he should feel a little guilty for what he's about to do. Should but he doesn't. In fact he just wants to get it over with and go see his gal as soon as possible.

'Lily will be this way.' He marches in a certain direction and turns to see why they're not following.

'Surely she would be at the Salvatore residence? Is it not this way?'

God damn it Oscar.

He chooses now to have a clever moment?

Now?

With a dramatic sigh;

'Insominus.' Kai's hand drops along with their unconscious bodies. This would have been so much easier if they were awake. Now he has to carry seven full grown vampires to the docks. Even with magic it's a chore.

Locking them inside a shipping container is best for everybody. He doesn't want a group of hundred year old Heretics adjusting to the modern world and interfering with whatever he decides to do.

The next thing he does is go and see her. It's barely evening by the time he gets to Whitmore but grandma is in bed already. She's the only one in the room, her roomies must be out doing the Salvatore brothers. It's probably a good thing the blonde one is scarce if she doesn't have her emotions back.

Bonnie is the shivering lump on the single bed by the right wall. He knows because her entire being assaults his senses the second they're near each other. Body asleep, but her magic is bounding up to his and he lets himself enjoy it for a second. The attention is nice, invisible but she still makes him feel seen.

She's even smaller up close as he hulks over her tiny frame. So he crouches by her pillow, nose to nose and he can feel her soft snores on the back of his neck. Bonnie always looks so peaceful when she's sleeping. He'd have to be a monster to wake her. So instead he just stares and thinks.

Thinks about how he stabbed her, shot her, siphoned her, abandoned her. Now she's paid him back in kind. He knows how it feels. It's terrible. Worse than terrible, awful. And he doesn't know if he can forgive her for causing him this pain even though he knows he deserves it.

But Bonnie didn't deserve any of the things he did to her. She was just trying to stop him from hurting people. No matter how bad he feels, she must be infinitely worse.

He's hit with all her fear, pure horror from her time with him. Does remorse never stop, even if he's trying to be good? So what's the point of it? No matter what he does he'll always feel guilty, so why not just be him? Be Malachai. Be the villain she wants him to be.

Because he doesn't want to be the villain to her hero.

He doesn't want to be the bad to her good.

He wants to be the Clyde to her Bonnie but it's never going to happen.

And it's tearing him apart.

Kai stumbles out of the dormitory, sinking into an armchair by the grandfather clock in the hallway downstairs. Glancing up he sees he barely lasted five minutes in the same room as her sleeping form.

There's not a single scratch on him but he feels like he's being feasted on by Heretics again.

And he wishes he could turn them off.

The feelings.

Too big and too many, suffocating him.

But he's not a vampire. Kai, unfortunately, is prone to aging and death and feeling, all for the coven. The coven that cast him out and hates him. They all want to see him dead so bad.

Wait.

Why isn't he a vampire?

It would really stick it to them all and he'd still be mega powerful, plus the whole staying young forever. And he's got the cure now in case he regrets it. Best of all, when he becomes a vampire, he can pull a Caroline and turn his emotions off. His pesky conscience throws him with questions about the consequences.

What about all the people that he's going to hurt?

He gets up from the chair, second wind, and goes back up to her room. She's still asleep. His steps creak over the floorboards as he makes his way to her bed. Until the sound of her soft voice comes through.

'Ho-how are you here?' She mumbles, tossing around in the covers. It really feels like she's talking to him but her eyes are clamped shut. She's sleep talking.

What about the people he's going to kill?

He finds what he's looking for on the desk, sitting pretty between the picture frames- all of her and her friends laughing and smiling. Those friends who barely lifted a finger to get her out of 1994 while he took a dagger to the stomach. The friends responsible for her death, twice over, and he's guessing are the reason behind her stint in expression- Damon seems like the pushy type when it comes to magic and Bonnie would just do anything to please him.

What about her?

Ms Cuddles looks the same but her fur's a little grimier. He gets the cure out from his jacket, and holds it to the bear. He barely blinks an eye and his fingers are empty. If he survives this then he'll come back for it. But if anything should go wrong and he doesn't need it anymore, it tickles him to think it's here, with her and she has no idea. Plus, both Ms Cuddles and Bonster have a knack for surviving, so who else would his humanity be safest with?

On said desk, by the bear's foot, he accidentally knocks over a card. A pretty violet invitation.

To the Wedding of

Alaric Saltzman

Josette Parker.

So old Ric is making an honest woman out of his sister? Given what a liar she is it's not an easy task. Bonnie got an invite and her own brother didn't? And she used Parker not her hidey name Laughlin- which is so stupid because of course he'd find her when she's using their mother's maiden name. It means, though, that the coven has taken her back. They can forgive Jo for not merging and abandoning them but they can't forgive Kai for going crazy after his birth-right was taken from him and he was treated like an abomination for most of his life.

What about himself?

He's so busy thinking about everybody else but no one is thinking of him. And it led him to a realisation he was always skirting along. He's going to need a suit.

Kai heads to the Boarding house looking dapper as hell for no one to see but Mama Salvatore. He figures the enemy of his enemy is his friend and he needs vampire blood if he's serious about this new plan, so he sneaks down to her cell in the basement. Deep breath, and he's inside the stone cage, goosebumps thrilling his spine every time he can do magic that easily. When he uncloaks she dives for him, fangs drawn and pupils wide. He sees where Damon gets his violent nature.

'Ah, ah, ah.' Fingers up and pressed together and she's stuck in place, gasping for air. 'Believe it or not, I'm here to help but that requires you to not rip my head off on sight.'

When he drops the hold she backs up against the wall, more to control herself than in fear.

'Who are you?'

'I'm Kai Parker, head of the Gemini Coven and in about five minutes, your best friend.'

'I don't understand.'

'I have your family here, in Mystic Falls.'

Her entire demeanour changes, happiness, confusion, and finally warriness.

'How?'

'Doesn't matter. What matters is that they're here. How desperate are you to see them again?'

'You don't understand all I want is to see my family again.'

He's cloaked again before he fully understands why, but when Bonnie's near it's like his body is on autopilot. She comes to face the starving, nearly crazy, psycho vampire for the sake of… an mp3 player.

What is wrong with her?

Does this witch have no sense of self preservation?

She's been out of the Prison World for less than a fortnight and is already putting herself in dumbass situations.

This is the girl he cannot get off his mind- Who holds an unbelievable amount of power over him, and she doesn't even realise it.

He's losing it.

Kai's actually losing it.

When Lily Salvatore inevitably reaches through the bars to strangle her, choking her halfway to hell since no good deed goes unpunished, he considers letting her do it all the way. Because at some point Bonnie is going to get herself killed again and he'd rather not have to deal with this additional stress of wondering when that's going to be. But he's already poking the vampire in the back to get her to drop her hold.

What would be the point in coming back as an immortal if he had to face another lifetime without Bonnie Bennett?

He follows her back up the stairs, leaving his discussion with Lily in half- he'll come back to her. Releasing her, while everyone seems to have gathered here for Jo's pre-wedding duties, feels wrong. It's the Luke in him that wants Jo to have this. And Kai can't bring himself to disagree.

Josette doesn't even seem to notice the glaring red marks on Bonnie's throat from the vampire's grip and how jittery she is altogether. Instead Bridezilla is going off about her dress. So of course Bonster practically runs away with the Donovan guy to get away from her, nobody's ever that excited to pick up centerpieces. He's got half a mind to follow them, but there are things that need to be done here. Besides, she's coming back.

He'll wait until the house empties out before releasing Lily, but until then he's got some spare time. He's back in Stefan's bedroom, flicking through the newest editions of his journal, they get particularly broody when it gets to Elena and a little creepy too. Isn't he like over a hundred and wasn't she like a teenager? But what strikes him the most is what a dick Damon was, just how selfish too. He got with his brother's girl while the guy was compelled to not love her and serve one of the original vampires to save her.

This guy?

This guy she thinks is redeemable but Kai is a piece of trash. This is the guy she's always running to throw her life away for. And her so called 'friends'. That's when he sees the video camera sitting on the bookshelf and he can't help himself, right next to the dusty red book of fairytales. He takes both and flicks to the red ribbon bookmark, sat in between the first two pages of Sleeping Beauty.

Oh.

Ohohohoh.

Inspiration is a beautiful thing.

It's like darkness, darkness, darkness, then BOOM light.

He wants one last way to show Bonnie that her friends don't care about her and what better way to do that than to pit her against the very girl she feels so insecure against. Elena, dear, sweet, stupid, naive Elena- the true useless one- whom the whole world seems to love while Bonnie, the powerful one, is always forgotten about, overlooked, left to die. Maybe this would finally prove that to her, link her life to Elena's and see who Damon picks. It'll be agony to watch. A fraction of the pain that she's brought into his life.

He picks up the camera and waits until the house empties out, helping himself to the decanter of bourbon as he skips back down to the basement. Lily happily feeds him her blood from her torn wrist- it's gross and he downs as much bourbon as he can after- and he gives her the information she wants, right down to the colour of the container holding her Heretics. She zips away the second he's done leaving him all alone in the house.

Bourbon burns but it's a pain he's growing used to.

Pain.

Ugh.

He's so over it.

As soon as he becomes a vampire he's switching it off. Kai heads to the kitchen, dropping the glass decanter on the counter with a clink, sloshing brown liquid a little as he does. It takes a few pushes but eventually the video camera blinks on, ready to record. He holds it up, turning the little screen so he can see his face staring back at him.

'All this time travel's been hard on the camera, Bon.' Because of course he's recording this for her. She's the only audience he needs and in case something goes wrong he needs her to know. He's not proud to admit that he's a little drunk, so the words that tumble out of him are completely unprepared. He knows the general direction he wants this movie to take, mouth following after it.

'Anyway, even though I got out, I kind of just want to make you suffer, in new and- if I may say so myself- totally inspired ways.' Because as cruel as this is it's also totally fucking genius. 'And oh, please don't go looking for some weird witchy work-around, because as the incredibly-powerful leader of the Gemini's, I rigged this so that if you do try to outsmart it, both you and Elena will die-' He can imagine how shocked she is at the thought of causing the death of her best friend and it's insanely satisfying 'instantly. I guess what I'm trying to say is your betrayal really hurt me, Bon. So, this is kind of all your fault.' Satisfied with his recording he flips it closed and decides which brother is more likely to have a post-it note.

You would think it was Stefan but Damon's the one with a whole pad in his drawer. He's just dotting the exclamation mark when he hears the door go again.

It turns out Matt is the smartest one of all her friends because he actually listens to Bonnie when she tells him that Lily isn't well guarded here. It's too bad she doesn't listen to herself quicker because they're treated to an empty cell instead. He decides the video is enough of a goodbye to her, he doesn't want her to see him like this, so Kai stays cloaked, holding them in place with mental chokeholds. A buried longing resurfaces, the need to do away with the magic and use his hands to squeeze her soft neck. But with the strength of a merged mind, he pulls out the need at the root and throws it away. This is business not pleasure.

He waits until she's unconscious to take the blood from her, making sure she'll be out cold for a while. The linking spell is complete in minutes and it doesn't even take a pinch, he still has to bind it to Elena but he figures he can sneak up on her at the wedding to do that. He doesn't know how the wedding is going to play out but he knows it's going to end in death. Get it over and done with and he can deal with the consequences and whatever emotions decide to surprise him after the fact. So long as she's far away then that's all that really matters.

The barn looks beautiful. Purple and white ribbons, glorious flower archway, petals scattered everywhere. It looks divine, and kudos to whoever did this because Jo does not have a lick of good taste. She'll go to her grave denying it but he had to talk her out of dreadlocks in ninth grade.

He finds his sister in the makeshift bridal room, sitting at the vanity getting ready. When he enters she doesn't even look up, not even a slight ghostly goosebump. That's how little she notices his presence. He chalks it up to how nervous she looks, less like the bridezilla from earlier and more like Josette when she tried to smoke pot behind the house and dad smelt it so he covered for her. Not entirely unselfishly, it was more to get the honour of pissing off their father and having her owe him. Nothing ever came of that favour. Back when they were kids and Josette used to play weddings she'd always pick a teddy to marry and then drag him from his second-hand gameboy to come and walk her down the aisle, toilet paper veil floating behind her.

He doesn't have to do this.

He could always uncloak and let her know he's here, beg her forgiveness again and try to be a part of the family. There'd be crying and hugging and emotional slaps but they could get through this and build a future. He's coven leader now, that has to mean something.

A soft knock on the door and their father steps in. He and Jo have an emotional reunion but Kai's just focused on how old and tired dad looks. Through the wrinkles he can still see the man who nearly smacked him unconscious for accidentally siphoning his twin, but it doesn't feel as triumphant as it should. Kai won. He lost. So why doesn't it feel like it?

Their father, who tried to kill her, offers to walk her down the aisle. Josette actually accepts. She actually looks happy about this. She even hugs him, drawing back to say 'I have news, actually, dad.' She gives him a smile but Kai can see it's strained. 'It's twins.'

His father fucking grins.

He means, full on, dazzling smile with more teeth than the man actually possesses.

'By the spirits, it's a blessing.' Old crazy coven pants comes out to play and Jo is already regretting telling him. When will she learn? 'I just want you to know I'll do everything in my power to protect them. Hope for the coven.'

Hope for the coven?

Like they've been so hard on recently? Like they were the ones locked away for years and then abandoned again and feasted on by six fully grown, starving, vampires. How exactly have they been lacking in hope recently? Did Kai actually do anything to oppress them? All he ever did was reclaim what was his by right, and that he only did because the itch for magic practically drove him to it, literally drove him insane too.

'Dad it's alright. We're safe from him. He's locked up in the Prison World and one day we can kill him.'

He blinks.

Dad, he expected that from.

But Josette…

It doesn't sound like anything he thought she'd ever say. His sister who basically ran from merging is already signing her unborn babies up without question. And she knew. She knew he was stuck in 1903 being fed off and she did nothing. Not a damn thing. What if the heretics had killed him? The entire coven would have gone too.

Hypocrite. Hypocrites- all of them.

Josette was always the hopeful one.

She could at least be satisfied with leaving him in 1903 but she wants to finish the job. After he poured his heart out to her.

He will never be allowed to just live, when the Coven is so hellbent on taking that right away from him. There is no other way out. There is no forgiveness or redemption for him. The Gemini won't let him live, so the coven will die with him. He was damned from the start so he'll damn everyone else along with him. If he's going out, he's going out with a bang.


	15. Bad man looking for hell

He switches it off. The second he completes the transition by feeding on the blood of his dying father, he finds the little switch to his feelings with ease, having been swamped in emotions since the merge, and promptly flicks it the other way, landing it home.

Dead bodies on the floor, people he grew up with all gone. And they suffered too, for quite a while. But it's silent now, last breaths all taken. No remorse, or guilt as he looks around the room. He is the last Gemini alive- or will be if he decides to take the cure. Right now he's having so much fun feeling nothing. It just feels so...light. Like he can finally breathe again.

'Hello? Anyone still alive, hmm? ' He asks, wading through the bodies. 'Anyone alive just raise your hand. I need blood.' He already knows the answer but it's worth asking. Especially since the werewolf bite from Taylor Lockwood seems to be festering. It's crawling up through his neck and is starting to mess with his vision. He pulls his collar, suddenly too tight. It's his own fault for going for tailor made- he's burning up again. He'd be seriously worried about impending death if his emotions were still on but all he feels is irritated. Can't even enjoy two seconds of peace without the universe screwing him over again.

'You need more than blood.' He hears her sing over his shoulder.

Bonnie.

It's odd. Usually the sound of her voice makes him feel all glowy and indecent but there's not even a pinprick of light as he hears her go on. Bonnie's shoes crunch over glass as she makes her way towards him.

'Maybe some ointment? 'Cause gross.'

That's actually funny.

Crocodile dundee called, he wants his knife back.

Yeah he's no longer a thing and neither is that joke.

He turns around, expecting the nothingness to continue. She's in the clothes he left her in, could have at least changed into her bridesmaid outfit- this is still a wedding after all. The Bride's dead, Groom's busy burying her, but they could still have cake.

Kai beams when he looks at Bonnie, it's an accident.

An instinct.

Her voice wasn't enough to drag something out of his chest but looking at her will never fail. She's just so beautiful- and angry.

Bonnie gives him a compressed smile back and the feeling fades, entire being suddenly aglow and then very, very cold.

Of course she would come and find him. She just can't stay away from a dangerous situation and now she's come to him- lamb to the slaughter and god does she look tasty. Gorgeous thick veins down the side of her neck, how tender would her skin taste?

No.

He's angry at her.

This is all her fault.

But why is he feeling anything at all? He flicked his switch.

He pulls at his collar again, suddenly self conscious about the festering bite- can she smell it?- and turns his amusement into a bitter, sarcastic laugh.

'Do your friends think you're funny?' He walks towards her, focusing on dousing the feelings she brings out, encasing them in smoke instead. Screw it, if he's going to hurt then so will she. 'Because maybe if you were funny- if you were the one with the good jokes, who they can always count on to make them laugh- maybe they'd be cool with letting you live instead of Elena.'

She just shrugs it off, unaffected. Maybe Bonnie's grown, matured. Because the Bonnie he knows would have conjured up an inferno to char him for him saying that. Being on fire seems so good right now, maybe the flames would douse his itching skin.

'Sick humor is your thing,' She says so calmly, it's like she's an alien. 'I'm just the one that does magic.'

Crack as she breaks his arm and he laughs through the pain- because there she is. This Bonnie he recognises and it makes him happy to see a familiar face.

He doesn't know how he lets it get so far but they inspire a kind of violence in each other.

A few spells thrown and suddenly he motus' her against the wall a little too hard- he didn't mean to but it works out well. An extra torture for Damon, when he eventually turns up to save Bonnie. Because Kai's not stupid, he can read the signs now and he can't ignore them. Without his emotions clogging him up he realises a lot of shit. Damon will save Bonnie because he's becoming a good person. Because Damon was allowed to become a good person. He mulls over this as he stumbles back to the altar, leaving Bonnie's limp body behind him. She wheezes to the sound of his footsteps. Along the way he spots a scattered bouquet, nestling among bits of broken glass from a shattered vase. He picks up a single, white rose. The flower is still smooth, creme unmarred by the bloodshed. This is the one. He shakes the glass from the petals as he twirls it between his thumbs, sitting down on the steps, watching over her dying body. He is grim, as her soul is reaped.

Her breathing becomes shallow and he reckons she got about three minutes before kicking the bucket and making this all for naught. He could save her but if she dies then all those feelings go with her and he can finally live the care-free existence he was meant for all along.

So he'll put the pretty rose on her pretty corpse- because let's face it Bonnie would be as stunning in death as she was in life- in case Damon doesn't show.

But he does.

He shows up, ready to save the day. Damon stalks heroically over the carnage of the hall and finds Bonnie in seconds. And he's so gentle with her, genuine worry in his eyes as he surveys the damage. It's irritating.

'How dumb are you?' he says, watching Damon's hand gently stroke the side of Bonnie's face. He'll save her, it's inevitable. Doesn't mean Kai won't make him suffer for it. 'I deliver you a dying Bonnie Bennett on a silver platter and whoosh, over your head.'

'Damon.' It's imperceptible to the human ear but he can hear this tiny little whine coming from her pierced lung as she calls to him.

'Translation she's about to croak. Of course you don't have to save her, you could just walk away. She dies of a collapsed lung, no blood on your hands and you and Elena get to lead the life you always dreamed of.' The pain on Damon's face is exquisite, he's so torn. He knows what he's about to throw away for Bonnie. Because Bonnie, despite what she may think of herself, is worth it. The whine from her lungs gets higher, like a deflating balloon about to wither away. 'Either way you better act quick.'

'I'm so sorry Bonnie.' Leaning over her, Damon gives her a gentle kiss on her forehead.

And then he leaves.

He leaves.

He left?

No this is some kind of trick.

Ripple of air as her second lung tries to carry the first- it won't work. But Damon isn't coming back. Kai listens to him walk out of the building- is that his car door? An engine-

No.

Nononononono.

'That's it, he just left you there?'

And he's repeating all his thoughts aloud for the billionth time about Damon at least flipping a coin to decide. All to mask the complete panic rising through him, breaking through a pitifully inadequate barrier meant to stop this feeling. Suddenly he's not listening to Damon leaving, he's focused on Bonnie, using his little knowledge of human biology to figure out how many seconds more he can afford to wait. Dread building at how the rise and fall of her chest isn't as clear as it was before and he's not sure but her heartbeat sounds dangerously slow. She's really going to die.

Panic, fear, remorse, guilt, all come flooding back in what was the shortest and most disappointing time a vampire has ever had with their humanity off. The thought of her corpse now makes him want to vomit. With a renewed sense of urgency he takes a step towards her struggling body. When he goes for a second step he's hit by a barrier that he just can't seem to get past. He fights against it and all the while he has to watch Bonnie tremble and choke out blood, squirting over her lips.

'Kai…' she whispers and no matter how many times he's heard it, it breaks his heart every single time. 'Please.'

Until finally she goes limp and he's stuck screaming, beating the barrier keeping him from her. Beating it until his hands are broken and tearing at his own hair when the pain of broken bones isn't enough to drown out the utter desolation of seeing Bonnie finally dead.

Cade usually pops up around this time.

'If only you had not sought so much violence, perhaps you could have saved her.' Say what you will about the devil but he's never late.

But Cade seems to forget that even after the human head has been decapitated, there still about ten seconds left before unconsciousness hits.

In his real last ten seconds he remembers Damon circling back and feeding Bonnie his blood, albeit from a skewed angle since his head landed upside down. Damon saved her, just like he always knew he would. Cade doesn't seem to understand that Kai can't forget a thing like that, because through all of the confusion death brought, he managed to hold onto the relief of knowing that of all the people he killed that day, Bonnie wasn't one of them.

Bonnie Bennett is going to be just fine and that knowledge got him through the transition to the other side.

That's why no matter how many times he re-lives this little torture he never feels too badly for long.

'And perhaps it would all have been for something.'

'I eradicated my coven. That's not something people are going to forget.' Kai counters, voice as broken as the mirage of her corpse.

'You would be surprised by the human ability to forget.'

Suddenly they're watching two little girls playing in an unfamiliar backyard, one blonde one brunette. Twins. A man he recognises comes out of the house holding a tea tray to set down on their colourful little table-

Alaric.

That's Alaric.

'What is this? I killed Jo- I killed them. I was the last Gemini left.' In his own twisted way he outlived them all.

'So you believed, yet your coven saved them. In their last moments they did not choose retribution, they chose hope. They chose to save their future. Your death meant nothing Malachai.'

And he keeps trying. Showing him different parts of his life and trying to get him to regret his last moments on earth. Cade has this way of getting inside his head and pulling on his fears. He snaps his fingers and suddenly they're in a quaint little room. It's a small cottage in the middle of nowhere that he doesn't remember ever seeing before.

Bonnie's on the bed, laying on her stomach, legs in the air and papers all spread around her. She's studying she's deep in thought she gets this little brow wrinkle.

Nerd.

Seeing her like this, relaxed, always does something to him- calming his own self. It's a shame she was never like that with him when he was alive.

Ah.

Is that the point of this particular torture, to get him to regret his actions towards Bonnie? Because he doesn't need Cade for that. The reason becomes apparent when her peace is intruded upon by some older guy who comes in and dumps a bag of study snacks. Bonnie's thrilled to see him and the food, kissing the guy. Kai gags in the afterlife.

Oh.

That's the point of this. Cade's playing on his worst fears and chiefest among them is being forgotten. Bonnie's here living her life without sparing him a second thought whereas she's half of his entire damage.

It almost seems like he never even existed, until she roots through the bag of goodies, dumping a packet of something straight in the bin.

Cade doesn't understand why Kai is suddenly smiling, missing the desired effect of this. But Bonnie doesn't eat pork rinds. Hates them with an unspeakable passion she almost gags when she's offered some more by that vampire boyfriend, happily munching on his own packet, even going as far as banning him from eating them too. All the world's forgotten him but not good old Bonster, he's ingrained in her dna now- even if she hates him she still thinks of him and that's something right?

Cade casts a glance between the two witches, suddenly curious, and changes tactics. The scene around him shifts and suddenly it's night time in the small cottage. Bonnie's standing in front of the mirror, fingers playing with the hem of her shirt. She's playing with an idea until she finally gives in and pulls the shirt up. The fire roaring in the bedroom fireplace casts a soft bronze glow over the scar tissue. The purpose of this is to show him the pain he has inflicted. Instead, all he can think about as he sees her drooping cheeks, thumbing the puckered flesh, is how much he wants to be there. Hold her and apologise.

But he can't.

He'll never see her again.

Cade's gotten to him just not in the way he expected.

'You will never be redeemed.' He intones.

Kai looks in his eyes and feels every single nightmare he's ever had rip open inside his mind. Being chased through the Prison World by his father's monstrous shadow, afraid to sleep for a year in case it got him. All those times he needed magic, even a little bit, to stop that constant itch. Now he feels like he's on fire again, sandpaper in his veins. But he has magic. He has magic. It doesn't matter. That feeling will never leave him. He will always be incomplete and searching for enough magic to fill the hole he's torn up inside himself. He finds solace in the memory of being eaten alive by heretics. To the last time his pain was bearable. But if there's even a second of rest Cade switches it up.

Blink, and they're in a familiar basement.

It's way before they divided it off to make his room and the wine cellar, that only happened after the replacement twins arrived. Right now, in this memory, he's about seven and the basement is one giant concrete room.

'Dad I'm tired-'

'That sounds like quitter talk to me Malachai- are you a quitter?'

He's not a quitter, he's just tired. So, tired.

'No Sir. 'Little Kai replies, sitting cross legged on the cold stone floor of the unset room, mirroring his father.

'Then let's try it again.'

On the outset Joshua seems patient, he doesn't say anything, but his face is all screwed up while he waits for the candle between them to light. It never does.

'Come on Kai, believe that you can do it and you can.' He encourages.

'I do believe dad, maybe I just don't have any yet.'

'Your a Parker. A Gemini, and the next in line to lead. You're my son. There's no way you don't have magic.' Kai hangs on Joshua's every word, pride swelling until he huffs and adds 'Look, you're just not focused enough. Josette got this because she listens to me.'

Cut to months later and Joshua is sitting at the kitchen table with his wife. The leftovers of thanksgiving dinner sit on the tabletop, plates piled high beside the sink. But neither parent moves to clean up, they just sit, staring at their interlaced fingers. Until Joshua is the one to break the contact, shooting up to smack a salt shaker against the wall.

'Fuck!' He screams.

'Stop it! You'll wake the kids.'

'Goddamn shit.' Through his angry haze his father heeds his mother's warning, swearing quietly now. Dragging his hands over his face to lock together in his hair, Joshua leans against the counter. 'He's a siphon.'

'He can't do the merge.' His mother's voice carries to the stairs, where Kai and Cade watch his younger self crouch on the middle step, head between the bannister poles to listen better. 'It's not fair to Josette.'

For a second he's hopeful his father will disagree, that he'll come to his defense.

'You're right.'

Two words can pack a hell of a gut punch.

'He's defective.' His father whispers mournfully.

'No, don't say that.' The chair scrapes as his mother stands up to join his father. 'Keep trying. You can fix him. Fix him.' She commands. 'Whatever it takes.'

Wafting through the open kitchen door, the sound of soft crying floats through the dark hallway and infects Kai. Both versions. While his younger version can ball his eyes out, muffling sobs into his fist, this Kai is bone dry, with barely enough strength to blink.

'This was the last time you cried, Malachai.' Cade whispers softly, as if the ghosts of his parents can hear them.

'I cried after merging.' Kai feels the need to correct, unsure of where it's coming from. Maybe it's hearing his parents call him defective again that kick starts this need to prove his humanity.

'Was that really you crying? Or was it your brother? Were any of the feelings you had after merging real?'

Like his need for redemption. Was it really Kai who wanted to atone or Luke trying to rehabilitate him from the inside out. Who really lost in the merge?

'The true Malachai Parker, is a monster.'

Cade disappears and leaves him there to watch himself cry. He's stuck in this hallway grimacing as the snot runs down little Kai's nose and his parents continue to whisper. The more he stares the more he feels his own chest cavity growing, stinging, until it feels like it's going to dissolve him. This pain is grey and ever expanding and in hell each moment lasts forever until the next one arrives.

But the next one arrives sooner than he expected. He's yanked by the gut from Portland back to a little barn in Mystic Falls.

'That's it, he just left you there?' and he repeats the banter he's heard himself say a thousand times before all to mask how badly he wants to run over to Bonnie. He knows he's seconds away from walking back to save her and he knows he'll never reach her. He never manages to save Bonnie and he has to spend eternity in hell watching her die over and over again. But he takes that step toward her anyway, knowing that he can't take a second.

He will always try.

His foot lands on the next piece of scratched hardwood.

It's never been able to do that before.

He's closer to her choking body than he's ever been and insanity takes over. This must be a new twist to the torture. Cade's keeping it interesting by adding new layers.

But then he can take another step. Being this close to her ignites something. Kickstarts this familiar tug, something he can latch onto.

And another step.

Kai is running across the wedding hall at vampiric speed, Bonnie's anguished scream ringing in his ears. Her pain pulls him in faster.

'Kai.' He's so close he sees her blood flecked lips curving over his name, and 'Please.' The grief in her eyes is unbearable at this distance. In the eleventh second- because suddenly he can feel time again- he runs right out into a sort of familiar street.

It's cold.

And dark and wet.

And freezing

It's Mystic Falls.

No. Nonononono- this is some kind of trick.

Cade's going to pop out any second with another lecture on life.

But it's so cold.

And the air kind of stings like he's breathing after holding his breath for too long.

Maybe… Could it be? He closes his eyes and then opens them. Then he closes them for longer. Opening them again, there's no chance. As unsure as he is that he's not in Hell, there's no denying he's back in Mystic Falls. Kai holds the wall as he stumbles into the street, almost jumping as a silver car drives by.

Oh-my-god.

Why would Hell have a crappy Honda-civic driving around? Cade's not one for aesthetics… which means...

He's back?

He's back!

He's back.


	16. Make me cry

So it's like this.

He's still a vampire, resurrected from his first and final moments as one, death has let him keep that at least. But as well as that, he can't actually feel anything physically. He finds out through trial and error that it's because he's still half tethered to hell. He also can't feel much emotionally and he's definite that it's because he turned his emotions off just before dying. Sure, he had that almost flood of panic when Damon left but he was beheaded before the switch actually made it all the way, leaving it to flop back down to 0 feelings as his head rebounded off the walls.

Which is fine by him. It makes him driven and focused on his one goal. Staying out of Hell. This time, so long as he stays away from a certain witch he should be fine. He's not sure if they'll still have that spark after all this time but he doesn't want to risk it. But how can he get Bonnie to help him without actually having to see her?

Damon is still as easy to manipulate, and he's glad some things never change. The vampire is practically jumping to help him make his stay here on earth more permanent, in exchange for waking Elena. As if he's going to undo the one thing that ensures Bonnie has a fighting chance to live her own life. The one thing he holds over Damon's head. So he decides to string him along until he gets what he wants. He decides. God it feels so good to have choices again. No more torture visions or hellish thoughts and devils to damn him. He can do whatever he wants again and Kai decides what he wants, is to live a better life than before. Maybe be a better person.

Well, a better person to himself.

Being a better person doesn't always mean being a goody-two shoes. Sometimes it's just looking around and appreciating what he has, where he is. Death has made him appreciate life, any kind of life, that he's been given. So even if he's only back for a matter of days before Hell finally sucks him back in, he's going to do as much living as he can and not worry about the consequences. What, is there a uber-evil level of Hell he can get sent back to?

So he convinces Damon to kill people for him, knowing full well that it will never help him in anyway and will just damn Damon further. Then he steals sleeping beauty with every intention of setting her ass on fire- maybe scarring her a little, but not quite killing her. How hilarious would it be for Elena to finally wake after years and years, expecting to resume her happily ever after with Damon, only to realise she looks like the Elephant man. But his plan is interrupted- goddamnit how is he getting outsmarted by the scooby squad again- and he barely gets to light a match. Why are they so fond of shooting him full of tranquilisers? And they're never able to hold him for long, have they not figured that out by now? There's only one person able to trick him and she's nowhere to be seen. Is Bonnie avoiding him right back? Huh. And why does that thought irritate him a little?

Of all the places, they decide to incarcerate him in the armory. Home to so many magical objects he can feel the power in the walls. Feel, siphon, use to snap Caroline's neck. He'll admit he goes a little overboard when he tries to kill the twins. But it's not his fault, is he just meant to walk past the beautiful, vintage, black, hand-crafted steel axe? Turns out they're siphons anyway, and it hits a little too close to home. He'll put them out of their misery, it's what a better person would do. It's only inevitable in all his excitement he gets his own neck snapped and dies again.

This feels nice, familiar. Being on the other side of the void, able to just drift until his body pulls him back. He's back in the cave, in 1994. Moonlight seeping in from the eclipse and he stands in the circle. It could almost be a memory but he's in the clothes he just died in, ginchy jacket and all. Kai's back in a moment of significance with his experience since then to reflect on it.

But in the empty space before him there's suddenly a ripple and-

Bonnie's there.

Bonster.

Her hair is longer than he's ever seen it, in pretty curls that fall down the side of her cheeks.

'What did you do?' He questions the specter, watching her own expression become wide as she takes in his presence- just as sentient as he is, 'Are you dead again, Bonnie? Already?'

'Wha-' And she's engulfed in bright light. He dives for her but she evaporates between his fingers and he's left grasping smoke.

Is she dead?

She can't be.

Struck by the need to find her again, he stumbles right out of the illusion of the cave and back into the forest.

'Relax, Bon Bon's not going anywhere.' Drawls a voice, coming from a figure lounging by the trees behind him. He does a 180, searching for the owner. When he finds her, he has to double take. She sort of looks like Elena, if Elena was even a little bit cool. Which means, according to the journal of Stefan Salvatore, the extended 1994+ edition, that she is none other than;

'Katherine Pierce.'

'So you've heard of me.'

'Why are you here?' Seeing old Bonster melt away like that has put him in a mood. Resurrected, emotionless, heretics shouldn't be having moods.

'I'd lighten up if I were you, you're about to get some fantastic news.'

He waits for her to spill, trying to muster up some anticipation.

'Cade's dead.'

No way. Not possible.

'Hell is officially under my control.'

Sure it is.

'And what has this got to do with little old me?' Kai asks.

'Your time in purgatory is nearly up which means you're heading back to the land of the living.' To put it plainly, because she can tell he's losing interest, 'I need you to relay a message.'

'And why would I do that?'

'Because we're on the same side. The side where Damon Salvatore suffers.'

'It's good to see you aim high but that smarmy bastard is getting harder to hurt.'

'I bet I can find a way.'

'I'll take that action.'

'It's on.' Katherine lifts off the tree and turns like she's going to leave.

He can feel his hold on this plane start to slip as the pull from reality gets stronger.

'Wait, what did you want me to tell them?'

Turning around and giving him a look that makes him feel naked, Katherine finally settles on a wry smile.

'Tell them, the bitch is back.'

The beat of the drums welcomes him back to the land of the living. Why does that snare seem so familiar? Then he hears the lyrics start and his skin starts crawling.

#Yeah, One, two, princes kneel before you#

'No, No, not the Spin Doctors…' Suddenly he's overcome with this sick sense of nostalgia, feelings mixed up as he's swerving at 100mph, girl in the boot singing along to a broken cassette.

This feels suspiciously like torture.

'I'm back in Hell.'

This time Cade has him chained to a chair on stage, sitting in an empty bar, and he's guessing the song is stuck on repeat. Satan himself is nowhere to be seen.

'That's impossible,'

At the sound of her voice he squints against the spotlight.

Bonnie is standing in the empty audience, blurry as his eyes adjust to her, hip cocked out and calmer than ever. She looks older, almost mature, but he recognises the malevolent glint dancing in her eyes.

'Because Cade's gone,' she says, 'and hell no longer exists.'

It's like seeing her for the first time again, every time he sees her. The only other person in his world, pulling him in, across continents.

Said if you want to call me baby, Just go ahead now.

'Huh you guys really pulled it off. Hey, uh, let me loose and I'll totally give you a high five.' He jokes, because it's the only thing he can do to brush off the feelings she's bringing to the surface. But she ignores his jibe and carries on like he hasn't said a word.

'We both know your worst fear is going back to a Prison World.'

It's actually a lot deeper than that but he doesn't care to go into it.

But then she goes and flips it on him, announcing that he's now stuck in this little Prison World with no escape.

'Just you, and your insecure little mind. And a song you hate, stuck on repeat forever.'

He swallows the lump in his throat, struck by how bright the spotlight shines on him, while she's cloaked in the shadows. All this time she's been watching him right back with equal intensity. Does she feel the tugging too?

'And there's no eclipse to bail your ass out this time.'

As a last ditch attempt to fight against his teetering switch he delivers Katherine's message, embellishing a little, watching her wide eyes and heart shaped mouth droop.

'Who will stop and nothing to make sure you and everyone you love,' Damon specifically and the

idea of him suffering brings Kai an untamed joy, 'suffer.' He waits for the devastation to hit her, pride coming from knowing how much he affects her. But Bonnie simply steps back and she's gone.

She's gone, and these feelings should go along with her.

He should be left to desiccate in peace.

Click, as his humanity flips back on.

Kai's screaming her name after her, as she leaves him all alone.


	17. Like a bad cold

She comes back.

She comes back to let him know that Katherine failed spectacularly, straight from the horse's mouth. He knows it's insulting to think of her as a horse but right now, as he desiccate s and Bonnie gloats, all he can think about is how much he would kill to have an actual slaughtered animal. All that blood just oozing out of it.

He's. So. Hungry.

How long has it been, months, years, decades?

Bonnie barely looks like she's aged so it can't have been that long. He can't lift his head up from his shoulder but he can see her through squinty eyes, just barely. Smell her is more accurate. Bonnie has this hazy scent of vanilla and sweet candle smoke that brings this special flood of dopamine whenever it catches him. Right now he can barely muster a growl.

'Hm,' she says, tilting her head in the same direction as his fallen one, 'boasting's no fun when you're already such a sad sack.'

'Sorry,' Smirking hurts when his skin feels this cracked but he can't help it. Through the ache he musters up the strength to hold his head up, taking her in entirely with bloodshot eyes. 'Does this help?' He doesn't miss the way her eyes rake over him, settling on his lips. Dusty, cracked and bruised from nipping his fangs. Kai can't believe he ever wanted this. Stomach empty, dust in his veins, and every part of him feels like it's on fire. He doesn't remember human hunger ever being this bad.

'It's actually worse.' She suppresses a shudder and he glares at her, anger flaring alongside the hunger.

'Are you here to just gloat Bon Bon, because you don't need an excuse as pathetic as that to come see me.'

'I'm here with an offer.'

'Go on.' He bites out, because he knows she's a double edged sword. If he tries to hold onto anything she says with the least bit of hope she'll slice it right to bits.

'Remember before I left you in 1903-'

'Before you stabbed me and abandoned me to be fed on and siphoned on by vampire heretics-'

'-Did it make you feel like crap to get a taste of your own medicine Kai-'

'-You were treating me like crap before I ever did anything to you.' His fangs start to throb against his gums again and he struggles to hold them back.

'You murdered your entire family.'

'Not all of them,' he's so sick of always having to correct her, 'and I regret it but I was a stupid kid!' His yell echoes around the bar, fading in between their staring match. But she's quiet. She's listening. She's actually listening to the words coming out of his mouth and he's not going to waste this. 'I was walking around like a junkie, no one would go near me, Bon I was treated like a piece of crap. I was born wrong and I failed the entire coven because of it, and nobody ever let me forget it- not even those siblings of mine who you've never even met but you've already decided were better people than me.' She swallows the lump in her throat along with every word he's saying. 'I snapped Bonnie.' Saying her name feels more intimate when he's confessing. 'I snapped and I did the worst thing I've ever done. But I can't take it back even if I want to and there's no one left to forgive me.' You will never be redeemed.

He sighs, there's no point in going on. Why would she ever forgive him after everything he's done? So instead he reels back in the exposed part of himself and sinks his attempt at explaining.

'What was your offer?'

It takes a moment for Bonnie to register what he's asked and when she does she shakes herself out of a trance. Sticking her hands in her jacket pocket she curls them into fists he can see through the leather material.

'Before I left you in 1903, you wanted me to forgive you.'

He knows what she wants him to do. Undo the spell between her and Elena.

'Are you offering me redemption?'

'I'm offering you a start.'

And he'll barely have to lift a finger. He could probably convince her to let him out of the chair too, bring him a blood bag or two in payment. He wants to say yes so badly.

'See the problem with that is once I undo the spell, Sleeping Airhead wakes up and along with her, she brings all of her boatload of problems.'

'Kai-'

'-Bonnie.' And he's deadly serious, glaring at her again but this time like she's a moron- eclipsing out the sun for the millionth time. 'Be honest. Since she's been boxed away how much easier has your life gotten? And now Steven's gone even better. No dopple-gangers to dump their problems on your doorstep.'

'Damn it Kai!' She yells right back. 'Everytime I give you a chance you find a way to throw it back in my face-'

'When have you ever given me a chance? You buried a pick-axe in my chest the first chance you got. I should know because all I've ever wanted was a chance from you Bonnie-'

'Then do this Kai. Please.' Why does she have to say his name like that? Why does she have to look so damn enticing when she's pleading.

'Ask me for anything else and I'll do it.' He tries,a last ditch effort to reach for his salvation.

'Do this. Elena's my best friend, I can't live without her.'

'Believe it or not I'm saving you from yourself Bonster, since I'm the only one who cares enough to do it.' Something blows up behind the bar and suddenly the music is louder.

'I hate you.' She spits, before leaving him to desiccate in the peace he so desired. That's the last he'll ever see of Bonnie Bennett.

Or so he thinks.

He wakes up to stinging eyelids, face wet and a sharp smell burning his nose hairs.

'Wake up.' She orders redundantly.

His throat is so dry he can't muster up a witty response, braincells chafing if even tries to think of one.

'I need you to siphon this.' Bonnie holds up an ornate silver box, carvings all around the side. She dumps the, now empty, vodka bottle to the side of the stage.

Pretty, but he's not sure what it has to do with him.

'You said you'd do anything else, so siphon the magic. I need the curse lifted to open it.'

Kai frowns as he takes in the object. Didn't Pandora have a box she wasn't meant to open?

'Relax it's nothing dangerous. It's also none of your business. Oh and these binds are impervious to magic so if you think you can escape with the magic you siphon, you're wrong.'

He musters a tiny nod, spine cracking with the small gesture. Putting his fingers out, she gets the message and places the box under them. When he siphons, it feels dark and sickly under his touch, before filtering through his system as pure magic. There's none of the thrill that comes with siphoning, but it does ease some of the symptoms of dessication. His skin doesn't feel so tight anymore and he can muster up some voice.

'Are you in trouble?' His exhaustion makes it harder to mask the concern.

'No I'm,' she avoids his eyes to play with the box, 'just trinket hunting.'

'Why?'

She's toying with the idea of giving him a snarky answer but as she turns over the metal she decides something he can't decipher.

'I want to rebuild the Bennett coven.'

'Ah.' She wants to find lost grimoires, artifacts, spells, the whole nine yards. His guess is this yearning in her was brought by the Gemini coven's glamorous ways pre-1994, hence the reluctance to tell him. 'Well in that case Europe is great for artifacts, no Bennett ones, but the catacombs are a great hiding place for others. Oh and there's this little pastry shop in France called La pâte à choux, not sure if it's still there but they had the best cake I've ever eaten.'

'Hm.' Bonnie nods, backing away. By way of thanks she throws him a, 'you can go back to desiccating now.' And then leaves him to go back to sleep.

It's not as long a wait for the third visit as it was between the second and the first. It feels like it's barely been a week. He's in the middle of counting down the number of beats before the song loops back around again, when the hairs on his arm begin prickling, each one atop a goosebump. Then he hears a soft crunch and darts his eyes to see her drop a small white bag onto the middle of one of the tables. Across the front, in pretty red cursive are the words, La pâte à choux. In the other hand, she holds a red candle.

'What's this? And judging by your eyebrows I'm guessing it's powerful.'

The sooner he answers her question the sooner she's going to leave him again.

'Do I get special privileges if I'm going to be your magical guru?'

'Your privilege is that I don't repeatedly stab you in the chest.' She replies with a smile.

'And I'm grateful for it everyday Bonster. But how about something more tangible?'

'I'm not letting you out.'

'I wasn't asking for that.'

'Then what do you want?' She holds her breath and waits for him to demand the world in payment.

'Turn the music off.'

'After you tell me what you want.'

'No, that is all I want.'

Bonnie frowns, thinking about questioning his motives. But in the end she just walks over to the karaoke machine and switches it off. The second the song stops his ears are pinging as they adjust. Once they settle he's treated to sweet, blissful silence interspersed between the soft sound of her breathing.

She waits for his answer and he can't delay it anymore.

'It's a Hand of Glory.'

He details the legitimate history behind the lewd name, trying not to crack a smile and scare her off when she gets the eyebrow crinkle of nerd-hood from listening to him. His heart thumps so violently it scares him a little, like a kick inside his chest jerking him awake. When he's given every detail he can, right down to their dwindling supply, she picks up the pastry bag and leaves. He's glad to know that she wouldn't waste a good dessert on his blood seeking taste-buds but one last goodbye would have been nice.

The next time she reappears is on October 31st. He knows because there's no way Bonnie Bennett would be wearing a costume like that on any other day of the year. Lace white dress, barely reaching her thighs, halo headband and feather wings sprouting from her back. She's tiptoeing around the bar quietly in the hope that she won't wake him, but little does she know Kai sensed the second her white heels hit the hardwood. But he stays silent for a minute or two and let's her get on with whatever she's doing, peeking at her through half shut eyes. Until he figures it out and he can't stay quiet anymore.

'Are you looting my Prison world?'

She gasps and drops a bottle of whiskey on the ground, hopping away from the glass on impact.

'Shit,' she slurs as she says it, and given how her shoulders are swaying he's going out on a limb and guessing she's tipsy. 'Now my shoes are all wet.'

'I can teach you a spell to dry them.'

'Shut up that does not exist.'

'What so we can create entire worlds but we can't dry shoes? Bonster, where is your faith? Arfacio.' His chains burn when the word leaves his mouth and he hisses at the security measure. But when Bonnie repeats the spell, doubt etched across her face, he hears her delighted gasp. She's drunk enough to shoot him a smile from across the room that sends his chest fluttering.

'Any reason you're stealing my stash?' He asks though he's pretty much pieced it together.

'Caroline's throwing one last Halloween rager and we've run out of booze and I didn't want to have to go all the way to the store in the rain.' She explains, strategically picking the bottles she wants to pack into the box she brought with her.

'And what do angels drink anyway?' He asks, entertained as he watches her mull over the selection.

'Holy water.'

'Don't think they serve that here.'

'That's fine I'm not an angel.' He swears he imagined her voice drop to a flirty octave but then she's blushing in the aftermath like a madwoman. Then she's rushing to leave all over again-

'Wait.'

She clutches the side of the box closer, wary of him but stepping towards the stage all the same.

'I taught you a spell, don't I get a thank you?'

Bonnie rolls her eyes, remembering how their relationship works. 'What do you want?'

'I want a movie.'

'Which one?'

'The Bodyguard.'

Her shoulders sag and her head tilts in one go, as she scans him for any signs of insincerity.

'Why?'

'Because I like it.'

This time he doesn't imagine it. She blushes plain as day, swallowing the lump in her throat as she openly leers at his lips. But she disappears before anything comes of it, without even agreeing to pony up. It doesn't matter. Kai knows she'll come back a fifth time.

He should have asked for blood. The thought occurs to him as he feels his throat starting to dry up, air scratching his lungs. So when she arrives with a DVD and a flask he naturally wants to dive for her throat to kiss it and sink his teeth into it all at once. Because of how strong the need is, he's extra-proud of himself for holding it together when she steps up onto the stage and crosses over into his boundary for the first time.

'Here.' She unscrews the cap on flask and hesitates. Bonnie's deciding whether or not she should untie him to let him hold the drink. In the end it's better than he could have dreamed, she holds the flask up to his lips and he opens them up without question, happy to swallow cyanide if it came from her hands. The liquid that she tips down his throat is blood. His vampire half can sense it and he's sure the veins on his face are black as he is sucking it down, starving for it but also dissatisfied. It's blood, but it's not human blood.

She's making him go vegan now?

Hell no.

Is what he would say if he had a choice, instead he shuts up and takes what he can get.

In his eagerness he feels some escaping his mouth to dribble down his lips. From his peripheral vision he watches Bonnie's eyes follow the droplet as it rolls down his neck, lulling in the hollow of his throat, before continuing down his chest to stain his shirt. Then she looks back at his face, accidentally making eye contact as he finishes the last drop. When he's done he pushes the flask away with his lips, moving his head back up. She screws the cap back on and puts it in her pocket, letting slip a shaky breath.

'What's with the snack?' God he feels so much better. Even if it's just animal blood it's something and his head feels so much clearer than before.

'Prepayment. I need some information.' She leaves his orbit to go to the Karaoke screen, popping open the case and inserting the disk. He's expecting another vague enquiry about a creature or artifact but instead, as she fiddles with the screen remote, she asks. 'What would have stopped you from snapping?'

'Why?' He doesn't want to answer her, knowing full well that his reply will hurt to give.

'For Lizzie and Josie- the little girls you tried to murder. I want to make sure what happened to you doesn't happen to them. But in order to do that…'

'You need to know what went wrong with me.' He finishes bitterly. Bonnie wants to dig into his soul to save his nieces, how noble.

'No.' She clicks on the movie but pauses it before the trumpets pang, looking back at him. 'I need to know what would have helped.'

'Someone who believed in me.' He bears the pain of excavation for her, revealing the different ways to help a siphon. How to teach them to take magic without hurting people, use it sparingly, how to control it so people aren't afraid to touch them. All the things he learned far too late. Before she leaves she hands him the remote, fingers brushing against his palm as she drops it in.

He's not even an hour into the movie when she comes back. He hits the pause button the second he senses her. She's changed out of the jeans into sweatpants and a hoodie, purposely designed to be unalluring which makes him think she's probably in her night shorts underneath it all.

'Two visits back to back? Either I'm honoured or you're in trouble.'

'Neither.' In one hand she holds a blue bowl filled with popcorn, in the other is a hat and a tote bag.

Bright red plastic with tubes running out of it. The hat is a monstrosity. 'It's not about you or me. It's about Whitney.' He watches her put the bowl down on the table and fiddle with a bag, pulling out two cola bottles filled with blood. She slots one on either side of the hat and then holds it out like it's going to explode as she hurries over to him. She's in such a rush to drop the gross thing on his head that she doesn't hesitate at being so close.

'Wha-'

He's silenced when she puts the tube into his mouth and orders him to 'suck.'

He does and is rewarded with the bitter grainy taste of animal blood.

'Not all at once, it's meant to last you.'

He drops the suction, listening to the hiss of air bubbles subside. Does this mean she isn't coming back to visit him? 'How long?'

'Until the next time.' She doesn't elaborate but he's safe in the knowledge that there will be a next time. She hesitates before returning to the table but eventually recreates the space between them. Sitting on the tabletop, she balances the bowl in the dip of her crossed legs and looks expectantly at the TV screen.

She's so relaxed, hair pulled up out of her face as she nibbles on a puffy piece of popcorn. Her green eyes land on his as she waits for him to press play, his chest flutters at the impact. He lets himself enjoy the floating sensation before turning his attention back to the screen, pressing the button. Her crunching is scattered among the sound of his slurping and the movie. Being a vampire comes with hundreds of downsides, like his dependence on blood, but it also means he can actually hear the beat of her heart. Everytime he takes a slurp there's a stutter, before it carries on it's rhythmically rapid beat. Does her heart always go so fast?

When the scene with the stalker comes on he's already announcing;

'It's not the manager.'

'It's not the manager.'

She echoes, refusing to look at him to acknowledge that for the briefest moment in time they were thinking the same thing. After that she's retreats inwardly, eyes completely fixed on the screen but he can tell she's not really watching it. Because the scene where Nicki dies comes on and she doesn't even blink and he knows for a fact she should be nearly in tears.

'Are you watching me or the movie?'

He forgot that he wasn't cloaked. She can see him watching.

'Sorry I just…I wanted some popcorn.'

'Here.' She buys the lie enough to pick up a piece and aim it at his head. It bounces off his eye.

'You call that a throw Bennett?'

She picks up another piece, biting the inside of her cheek to stop from smirking as he opens his mouth. The next shot misses completely and bounces off the chair but the one after that she makes- he has to dip his head a little to help but he's chewing which is a win. He can even put up with the rubbery texture, that lacks all the joy his human taste-buds used to give, because of how she glows. She's more at ease after that, heart-rate slowing down and she eventually becomes engrossed, teetering forward to get a better view as Whitney runs down the tarmac to kiss Kevin. Then the end credits are playing and she's standing up to leave all too quickly.

'You know what I never understood,' he blurts out to delay her going. 'Why didn't they get together in the end?'

Without missing a beat, because he knows she's thought it over herself before every re-watch, she replies, 'Because they were just too different to work.'

'Excuses, excuses.'

'Shut up and drink your blood.' She slips the bowl into the bag, slinging it over her shoulder and turns around to look at him. He's expecting another sarcastic comment or the confession that she actually laced his ugly blood hat with vervain but with a thousand mile stare she sighs, 'You had your humanity off.'

Kai stares right back through her. Even after all this time, all he knows about her, she still manages to surprise him.

'It's back now.' He offers, as if it's any sort of consolation for the terrible things he did without it. He expects her to swear at him, berate his weakness and folly but she nods, looking down at the ground.

'Don't turn it off again.' She orders. He likes it when she sounds sure of herself but can't tell her that because she's gone in the next second.


	18. This is where I leave you

He's been out of blood for weeks, anticipating her return and being disappointed at the end of each day, until she finally pops up and drops something heavy on his lap- jolting him from his thousandth crooked nap.

'What the hell is this?' She yells. It's not the huge blood bag he was fantasizing about. It's a photo album, powder blue front, already open as it rests on his thighs.

Bonnie points down at a picture with a particularly handsome young man, around sixteen if he can read his own acne correctly. Besides his younger self is the formidable Sheila Bennett, and together they're sat at a picnic bench weaving with other people who are little more than strangers to Bonnie but were practically family to her grandmother.

'Oh my god I remember this. The old coven-palooza gatherings. The Gemini used to host one every year.'

'And my Grams used to go?' She's calmer now, taking notice of how Kai is smiling at the picture. Her dramatic entrance was more out of shock than anything else.

'Your Grams was on the committee for it.'

She devours that little bit of information more than anything he's ever told her.

'What are you doing?'

'Basket weaving.'

'Basket Weaving?' Bonnie scoffs.

'Don't knock it until you try it. I happen to weave a mean basket.' He never thought he'd get a chance to boast about his craft skills but here they are. 'I couldn't participate in all the other classes because they required magic so Sheila used to sit out with me sometimes and teach me the boring stuff, like basket weaving, reading palms, how to count cards when no one's looking.'

Bonnie grins, dimples in her cheeks, eyes gleaming.

'She taught me that when I was nine.'

'But can you make a soumak weave?'

'Well she died before she could show me so...'

In the awkward silence she snaps the book closed and lifts it off him, leaving him feeling empty. She's going to go away again.

'I could show you, if you want.' His stomach flips as he offers- why does he care this much over weaving?

Bonnie looks like she's going to laugh in his face, cold smile spreading over her features. But then suddenly her eyes sparkle and the smile is warmer.

'Maybe.'

'It's a date.'

Her face drops and he immediately regrets ever learning how to speak english. But before he can stumble to take back his words she heads straight to the bar, having decided to ignore his comment.

'I don't have any blood but pick your poison,' She indicates to the shelves of alcohol.

'Vodka.' He decides '-But can you mix it up with something fruity?'

She arches an eyebrow, waiting for the punchline. When he gives her his most innocent look she rolls her eyes and reaches under the bar to pull out some soda. Bonnie finishes mixing up the cocktail in a jug, stirring thrice clockwise and anti-clockwise before it's ready to serve. Then she heads back to him, pouring the mixture into the empty bottles attached to his head, dignity be damned. Best of all it mixes with some of the remaining animal blood. The effect, as he takes a nice long sip, is that he is happily satiated for the minute.

'Sheila taught you how to mix drinks too.' He says after another long sip.

'How do you know that?'

'Stir clockwise three times and anti-clockwise to cancel out the-'

'-strain.' Bonnie finishes. Of course there's no scientific reason for the stirring thing but there's also no denying that Sheila made the best drinks.

Bonnie's eyes cast down, her face suddenly crestfallen as she thinks about her grandmother.

'And then she locked you away in the Prison World.' She looks back at him, trying to make sense of everything she knows now. How her grandmother was practically his family but still incarcerated him. It either knocks her grandmother off the pedestal or sinks Kai even further. He'd gotten so bad she had to lock him up. Bonnie steps back, ready to leave.

'But she also sent you to me.'

She pauses mid-step, heel on the ground, toes lifted up.

The thought had never occurred to her before, that maybe Sheila Bennett knew exactly what she was doing when she sent Bonnie to 1994. Her eyes are huge as she thinks and he's afraid to say anything in case she follows through on the exit. She may be quiet but at least she's still here.

Her mouth opens and closes a few times until she finally says,

'Damon was never supposed to come with me.'

He can't help it, he's gotta ask.

'What?'

'Damon only came with me because we were holding hands when the other side was destroyed.'

The thought of that makes his stomach sink. How different would their relationship have been if Damon had never been there in the first place? He's as lost in thought as she was but when he comes round, it's to her intense 's green eyes have latched onto his grey ones and he doesn't feel the need to say a word. It disappears entirely too quickly as she absconds from the tension, jumping back to the real world.

She comes back in less than a day, but this time she's not alone.

Bonnie stands with one hand on a familiar casket and a packet of pork rinds in the other.

'You hate pork rinds.'

'And you hate Elena, but I still need her. Just like you need your gross, greasy little snack.'

'I see what you're trying to do and kudos for the effort, but it's not going to work.'

He expects her to break something or blink away with the coffin, but instead she picks up a chair with one hand and plops it down right in front of his. She sinks into it, knees almost brushing against his.

'What are you doing Bon?'

'I'm convincing you.'

'I already told you I can't-'

'And I know you're lying. I know you Kai, you never do anything unless you've thought it out a thousand times. And you wouldn't just do this without having a failsafe.'

He tries to summon some of his menace back. The problem is they've bonded enough for her to think she has a hold on him. And he's not so sure she doesn't.

'I'm not leaving here until you undo the curse Kai.'

'Then I hope you're prepared to stay here forever.'

If only.

'You do this and I'll forgive you. I'll even let you out of the chains and you can roam the Prison World freely.'

'A cage is a cage, no matter how big.'

'I'm not letting you out.'

'I'm not undoing the curse.'

She leans back, starting to get irritated by how circular this is but forcing herself to remain civil. This is growth and he's finding it hilarious.

'Why not?'

'You know why. She brings nothing but trouble. And it tickles me to think Damon's still out there suffering.'

'I'm suffering too Kai.'

'And you'll suffer more if I wake her up. Why can't you just go on and live your life without her, Bonnie?' He raises his voice to match her's, getting angrier.

'I am living my life Kai.' She shouts back louder, before tamping down her tone. There's no need, he'd still listen to her every word if she was screaming in his face. 'Look at what I'm doing. I'm travelling the world, rebuilding my coven. I'm living Kai but I need my best friend back because I hate every moment that I'm living.' She leans forward, closing the space between their knees as she pleads, but he's the one to move back, trying to get as much distance from her as he can. 'I feel guilty over every little thing I do. I eat breakfast and get sad about the fact that Elena can't. I'm with my friends, and I'll feel guilty because she's not there and it's my fault. I can't even watch TV without wanting to cry. If you wake her up, Kai, I promise I will stay away from her.'

She's lying, of course, it's obvious. She'll say anything to make sure she doesn't have to spend eternity convincing him.

'And you're just going to forget about hating me if I fix this?'

'Enzo said to me,' He nearly gags at the mention of her ex but, out of respect for the dead and for her, he keeps a blank face. 'If you hold onto hate it'll eat at you.' She looks genuinely wistful as she talks about him and it feels like a knife in Kai's stomach, twisting with each sad blink. 'I don't want to hate you Kai, but I need you to give me a reason to stop.'

He wants to play hard to get, see if he can get her to come back with a whole presentation complete with pictures, but she's about to cry. Lip curling inwards, tiniest quiver, eyes taking on a glassy sheen. If he says no, he loses her, and this time it's forever. He'll get no more visits or bribes. But if he says yes then he's giving up his revenge. His only link to the outside world. It's either Bonnie or his desire for retribution. Deja vu all over again. Last time he chose revenge and he paid the price. If he gives up the curse, he gives up control. Control is the most important thing he has.

But Bonnie is about to cry.

'I'll undo it.'

Her black pupils flick up to his, swallowing the green whole as they dilate, mouth agape in shock. This wasn't what she was expecting either. Maybe because she doesn't want to give him the option of changing his mind, she doesn't ask him to repeat himself. Her chair scrapes against the stage as she shoots up, eager to get back to Elena. He waits until she's by the coffin again to add;

'But I want Ms Cuddles in return.'

'What?'

'You heard me.'

'Why do you want my bear?'

'We bonded. She's got a very calming energy, Besides if I'm going to fix Elena only to be granted an eternity of isolation then I choose her as my cellie.'

Bonnie looks sceptical but when she has to choose her best friend's life over her teddy she agrees- albeit sullenly.

'Fine, let's do this. Undo the spell then I'll give you the bear.'

'Alright then, unchain me.'

She's stuck on the spot, Bonnie thought he'd want the bear first, shocked by how compliant he's being. Now she's frozen as she realises there's no other way. If he knew being nice would throw her this much he'd have done it a lot earlier.

'How do I know you won't attack me if I release you?'

'You don't. But Bonnie,' he drops his voice and it comes out softer than he ever thought possible. 'I'm asking you to give me a chance.'

The repetition isn't an accident. It's a reminder of the last time they were in this situation and how badly it went. He's begging her with an earnest plea for that second, second chance.

'Besides we both know you can take me if things go wrong.' If she won't trust him, he can at least give her enough credit to trust herself.

It takes six, apprehensive, steps for her to come back to him. All the while they maintain eye contact. Twist of her fingers, a muttered spell and the thick chains slacken with a clink. He shimmies them off with slow, sore movements. Kai rises to his full height, going from looking up her, to a brief millisecond where they're equal, and then finally claiming his peak by staring down into her. He can see how big he looks in the glassy reflection of her eyes. His hair is a complete mess as he throws the ugly hat off. There's barely any room between them and Bonnie seems to notice this too. She corrects it by taking a step back and giving herself space to breathe. But the second she steps away his knees give out and he collapses back onto the chair.

'Agh,' he hisses, squeezing the blood back into his legs. 'Give me a minute. I've been in that chair for…'

'Eighteen months.' She answers for him, looking almost apologetic as she catches his wincing.

Eighteen months. Not as long as he thought.

Bonnie moves to open up the casket while she waits for him to gather his strength. Surprisingly, she's not very patient, hurrying him along with sighs and tapping fingers.

'Kai if you're messing me I won't hesitate to-'

'Kill me. Yes, Bon, I know what you're capable of.' He replies, equally as irritated as she is. 'But it's kind of hard for me to get my strength back when I've had nothing to eat but cocktails and animal blood.'

She chucks him the packet of pork rinds.

'Thanks but as tasty as these are,' he shakes the packet before opening it, 'It's my vamp diet that's sorely lacking.'

'I don't have any blood to give you.'

Except that she does. Gallons of it.

'No way.' She says, reading his thoughts.

'Fine. Then be prepared to wait a while for me to gather my strength.' Crunch, as he pops a pork rind in his mouth and stretches his legs out in front of him. Bonnie rolls her eyes and heads to the bar again. He thinks she's making herself a drink to pass the time. But then she takes the butcher's knife and drags it against her palm and his entire mouth starts salivating.

'Quit panting, you sound like a dog.'

'Do you have any idea what you're doing to me Bonster?'

Her breath catches as she looks over at him. He knows he must look like a monster, black veins clawing up his cheeks, gnarly fangs bulging from his gums, but she crosses the space back to him, glass tumbler half filled with her blood. Kai digs his nails into the arms of the chair to hold himself back.

'Are you sure?' Why is he asking her that when every fiber of his being wants nothing more than too down the glass of blood like it's tequila.

'The sooner you get your strength back the sooner you can wake her up. And I don't entirely trust you not to change your mind so let's get this show on the road.'

She passes the glass to him and his eyes linger on her wounded hand, it's a lot deeper than he thought. As soon as the drink is in his grasp, she heads to the bar to wrap a makeshift bandage that's made out of a dishcloth around the bleeding.

She stays away and stares at a poster dead ahead. Anywhere but at him, while he drinks her blood. Kai still can't actually believe this is happening so, grateful that she's not looking, he pinches himself hard enough to bruise. Sure enough, he's still here with a glass half full of Bonnie Bennett's blood- willingly given, he might add. It's wild- would it be weird to sniff it first? Doesn't matter, when is he ever going to get this opportunity again? It smells like the most delicious thing he's ever going to eat, stomach already growling and throat burning in anticipation.

And it's gone.

Already down his throat.

He tried to savour the moment but he was just so. Damn. hungry.

But the after effect he appreciates quite nicely. Nothing feels sore anymore, his lips don't feel so crusty, the constant ache in his throat is gone and- he hops onto his feet- legs are all better.

Is he smiling?

He's smiling.

He's grinning like a fucking madman.

Bonnie stays where she is. The movement is covered by the countertop, but he hears her hand wrapping around the handle of the knife. Why is she afraid of him all of a sudden?

Kai catches his reflection in the mirror as he walks slowly towards her. Back to his handsome, un-desiccate d self.

Ah.

He looks like his old self, so she's worried he's going to act that way. To her credit, as fearful as she looks, she doesn't back away from him. She doesn't even loosen her grip on the knife when he rounds to her side of the bar. Absorbing her gaze as he takes his own wrist into his hands, his fangs rip into skin and he catches the blood in a new glass for her.

'I'm not drinking that.'

'Fine, but I'm warning you, having a curse removed from you while also bleeding out probably isn't going to be fun.'

She bites the inside of her cheek while she thinks it over, but he knows he's got her because her fingers reach for the glass the second he stops talking. Bonnie downs it in one go, refusing to look at him while he commits the image of her drinking his blood to memory. She's a neat drinker, not a drop around the sides of her lips.

'Now can we please do this already?'

'Bonnie, please don't flirt with me when I'm about to undo a curse.'

She scoffs, incredulous glare on his back while he stalks over to the coffin. He places one hand around Elena's wrist and holds the other out to Bonnie. She still looks annoyed, directing the frown at his outstretched palm.

'I need to touch you for it to work.'

'Will it hurt?'

'Maybe. I've never siphoned a curse from a person.'

She stomps over, muttering an 'I knew it,' at the revelation that all he has to do is siphon away the spell.

The feeling of her soft hand slipping into his, their scarred palms pressing together, is something he will never forget. For as beastly as he feels there's something human that stirs in him as her delicate hand is safely encapsulated in his own. When he closes his eyes to search for the curse he does his best to be as gentle towards Bonnie as possible. He's pretty sure if Elena was awake she'd be crying at the pain. It's not entirely without hurt, despite how he tries. But the crescendo is a sharp sting as he pulls out the last of the dark magic. She's trying hard not to hiss, face contorted.

'Done.'

'That's it?' She looks skeptical.

'I tried to make it not hurt.' He shrugs. And the look she gives him back is different to anything he's seen on her before. Bonnie's looking at him like she's analysing him, reading the changes in his very soul and trying to decide if it's real.

Elena gives a little cough but Bonnie doesn't immediately tend to her friend at the sound. She keeps her stare on Kai, her hand moves slowly to hold onto Elena's, while she reaches into her pocket, fingers brushing her ascendant.

There's just tile and brick where she stood now.

She comes back a week later and he's hung around the bar that whole time to make sure he won't miss her. Her presence pops up as he's busy making himself a pitcher of margaritas and Bonnie's across the room. Good timing.

He only meant to turn around but in a blink he's abandoned his drink and is right in front of her.

'Sorry,' he apologises, noticing how startled she is by the quick movement. 'Still adjusting to vampire reflexes.'

'Right.' She nods, not entirely engaged with the conversation as she takes in how close he is.

'What took you so long?' He sounds demanding and takes a step back to rectify his tone. He has to play nice with Bonnie.

'Catching my best friend- who's been asleep for years- up to speed. And it's not like you were going anywhere.'

'You're forgetting that I've got the ability to fly a plane and a damn big world to explore. A day later Bonster and I would have been in Australia.' He lies. He would have waited for her for years before actually deciding to leave.

'I've got your co-pilot.' Hanging limply in one hand is Ms Cuddles. She lifts the bear to push her into his chest, still clutching the paw tightly. 'Treat her well.'

He holds the bear, taking a step back to try and shake off her grip, but Bonnie just extends her arm in the extra space.

'Why her?' She asks, staring sadly at the bear. Is she- is she trying to guilt him into letting her keep Ms Cuddles?

'It's not my fault you like Elena more than you like the bear Bon.' Her hold on it drops and she stuffs her hands into the pocket of her leather jacket. She's made her choice and now her rejects will stick together.

'But why Ms Cuddles? You could have asked for anything else and you chose my bear?'

'What can I say? I have a thing for taking away the things you love.' He replies dramatically, wiggling his eyebrows villainously to avoid giving her a real answer.

'Or,' Bonnie takes an unconscious step back, eyes becoming hard. 'Is it because you hid the cure for vampirism inside her?'

He turns the bear flat, noticing the long red stitch along the seam of her back. 'Oh Bonster, right in the back? Poor Ms Cuddles.'

'Don't try and distract me from the fact that you lied to me.'

'How?'

'Don't give me tha-'

'I still gave you Elena back. All I asked for was Ms Cuddles and anything that may be inside her is technically a part of her- or was until you gave her an involuntary cure-dectomy.'

She wants to hurt him, he can tell from the way her fingers are flexing. She's so mad it's glorious to witness in the moment but he's worried about the aftermath. She'll get mad at him, he'll get mad at her and then someone gets hurt. It's a never ending cycle with them.

'Why should I give it to you?'

'You mean other than the fact that I'm the one who risked life and limb to get it in 1903,' his voice rumbles low and he counts the number goosebumps along her neck. 'It's mine Bonnie. If I'm going to be the nice prisoner I'd rather not have a dependency on blood.' He never wants to risk being desiccate d again and he seriously misses real food.

'God,' she scoffs, giving him a cold laugh. His muscles tense at the sound. 'There are so many people out there that deserve this more than you.'

He can't argue with that.

'People that haven't lied to me, or stabbed me, or siphoned me and generally hurt me all around,' her words clutter over themselves as she hurls them at him. She doesn't sound like someone who's forgiven him. That was part of the deal too. But deep down he knows he can't enforce that part. If she ever forgives him he wants it to be real.

Besides, she's right. There's no way he deserves this cure more than anyone else. And from what he remembers her mother is still a vampire. So right now she's stuck between a very heavy decision, give the cure to the man she hates or to the mother she loves. Bonnie's too good and moral to just not give Kai the cure- she needs a reason. She's waiting for him to do something so she can deny him his humanity. But he does something unexpected instead. He breaks their cycle.

'So give it to them.' Kai says it quietly in the hopes that she won't hear it, still not completely committed to the idea until he sees the shock blossom across her face.

'I'm not bluffing, I'll do it.' She warns him, fingers tightening in her pocket. He guesses she's got one hand wrapped around the cure and another around the ascendent.

'It's not an empty offer. You're right. Other people probably need it more. They can probably use it better too. What's the point of being human if I'm stuck here right?' He can't muster up the strength to sound as brash as he was. He's not grinning anymore, deflating the further back she treads.

He's treated to that same look on her face from their last goodbye, looking for the cracks in his character. Oh he's in bits for sure, but he can still hold the pieces together as she flickers out.

Now he's been upgraded to the premium prison world experience he's free to go wherever he wants. The first place he dives for is the local hospital. Bloodbags galore but he's not stupid enough to gorge himself, rationing them instead. He figures it'll be about ten or so years before he's in any real trouble. Will he still be here ten years later?

Turns out his penchant for control is actually a good thing when it comes to vampirism. He'd like to stay in Mystic Falls for as long as possible, out of some sad sense of hope that Bonnie will come back so he sets up camp in casa Salvatore. It's so much better with all the modern perks. In the last twenty or so years Uncle Nephew Zach must have gotten the heating fixed. And he has the entire journal collection, complete and up to date, to peruse. The dvd collection has expanded nicely and he can now successfully binge all of the sequels he never knew existed. Die Hard should have quit while they were ahead. And while he's busying himself he finally has time to actually check out his new abilities.

Technically, if he deducts the time in hell and the time in the chair, he's only been a fully functioning heretic for, give or take, about eight days and it's starting to show.

Still no sign of her but he's a patient man. He manages to wait a whole week without overthinking, periodically visiting the bar to make sure the huge sign that says he's at the Boarding house hasn't fallen down.

Day eight, he starts to get worried.

The need to see her, to hear her, is starting to overwhelm him. It's not enough that he's a witch and also a vampire, but couple those together means he's in store for an emotional rollercoaster. Every feeling is more intense. Even back when he was human Bonnie had an intense effect on him, she works over his undead heart worse. To expel the nervous energy building up the longer he waits, he decides to go for a run one morning. Unsurprisingly, vampire speed is awesome. Surprisingly it's still boring without her here. Mindless destruction helps get her off his mind. Half of him is yelling about how wrong it is to pelt the Lockwood Mansion with stones at superhuman strength until it comes crumbling down, the other half decides to get a flamethrower.

But there are only so many buildings he can go around destroying before he has to confront his feelings. He does that by going back to the bar and finishing off that pitcher he forgot about when he gave away his cure. Tastes horrible and sour but damn it if the buzz doesn't help him ignore his sadness.

He went months without seeing her. Why is he so antsy all of a sudden?

Because what if she's not coming back ever again? She's got everything she needs from him and she doesn't have to play nice back. Now he has eternity to rot in here, alone, and stew in the fact that he gave up his only hold on the outside world, all because he didn't want to make her cry.

Bonnie abandoned him.

Again.

On his ninth batch- stupid vampire metablism makes is so hard to get drunk and he sees why Damon is a borderline alcoholic- he realises something.

This is grief.

This aching in his gut and stinging in his chest. Symptoms of loss. Loss of family, love, friendship. But how can he have lost the things he never had? Deep in the feeling-sorry-for-himself and guilty-all-round stage of intoxication that he comes to the conclusion that Bonnie's definitely not coming back. There's no reason for her too. And to make it worse he can feel Ms Cuddles judging him. She's sitting on the counter beside him, her own drink untouched. Beer for the bear. Her beady brown eyes show nothing but his sad reflection in them. Does she hate him too? He did trap her here with him, and now he's showing her an awful time. A silly little memory hits him with his next chug. Bonnie, touring Ms Cuddles and Kai around Mystic Falls. Hugging someone for the first time in decades.

He can't shake the memory and it's birthing an idea. Even in his stupor the idea gives him a small bit of joy. It's rare and fleeting so he decides to chase it down. Heading back to the Salvatore house, he packs a backpack full of blood bags and alcohol and dumps it into the boot of Damon's car. Slipping into the driver's seat, he reaches over to buckle Ms Cuddles into the passenger side. The nearest airport is Dulles international and it's a long drive. Kai takes out a couple of blood bags and mixes them into a decanter of whiskey. All those times he made fun of the Salvatores' need to validate their masculinity by drinking come to the forefront of his mind as he takes a swig. Turns out the sting on the way down is the main attraction.

Heartburn not heartache.

Unfortunately driving a car drunk is easier than piloting an aircraft. Because he needs to actually be able to read and process all the dials and knobs but right now, as he sits in the cockpit of a Boeing 777X, it all just looks like a big blur. So he stumbles out of the plane and back through the walkway to sober up in the airport.

He does a little shopping while he's at it. There may not be any wi-fi but there's still tons of gadgets to play with, a lot more music to listen to, movies to watch. As good as some of the bands are he always drifts back to the "old" ones. Pfft, old. God. They're still current to him. He's an old man out of time, quite literally. A CD, white background and a heart made of words, stares at him from the rack. Two words he hasn't thought about in a long time. It takes a lot of effort to find the speakers and fumble to get the little plastic circle into the sound system. But eventually he figures it out and with supernatural speed he's lying on a bench in time to hear the somber guitar begin playing. Ms Cuddles held to his chest, he stares up at the ceiling and mumbles with the mumbling.

'On a wheelie onawizardinawayyyy' Despite not knowing the lyrics, he belts it out with such assurity you'd think he wrote it. 'I know I know I know I don't wanna stay!' Hopping onto the bench, filled with a second wind of drunk energy as the music crescendos, he strums his air guitar. 'I don't wanna stayyyyyyyyyyy!' He finally drops back down, legs dangling awkwardly over the metal as he hugs the bear again. Kai falls asleep wondering why it's called Yellow Ledbetter.

He wakes up with a splitting headache, nerves on fire gut feeling yanked. After downing a blood-bag and taking a shower in the employee locker-room (turning Ms Cuddles around so she doesn't see anything perverse) he remembers vague snippets of his plan. It still sparks a little comfort, so he decides to go ahead with it. He's gonna one up Bonnie and give Ms Cuddles a tour of the world. And now he's sober he can actually find a better plane. Following a self-guided tour of the airfield and hangars, he decides the private jet would be a way better mode of transport, less clunky than the commercial liner. The only problem is that it needs fuelling up before take off and he needs to get it out onto the tarmac. Not huge issues but they delay him enough that he's rethinking this idea.

No, he can't live his life waiting for her.

Kai has to let Bonnie go.

He gets the jet out to the end of the runway and then heads back inside to get his things. Backpack and bear safely in hand, he walks back down.

When his foot hits the tarmac everything feels different. Like he's stepping on hot coals and he needs to make it to the other side for safety. But he's afraid of what's on the other end of the feeling because it's like looking into the abyss, it's unknown.

He sees her round the corner of the cabin first, ducking her head as she takes a step onto the staircase platform, stepping out into the light. She sees him immediately. How can she not they're right opposite each other and the only two people in the world. Kai is glued to his spot. Worried if he moves closer she'll turn out to be a mirage.

'You've only been alone for thirteen days.' Her voice carries over to him, hands clenched at her sides. There's a little red capsule in her right fist. 'So why is Mystic Falls nearly a ruin?'

'It's been a hell of a thirteen days Bonnie.' He nearly chokes over the sound of his own voice, the sound of her name on his tongue. She has the gall to stand there and let her eyes droop, as if she's not the reason he's like this. But there she is and all he can think about is how much he forgives her for floating a pick axe into his chest, for stabbing him with a pen and abandoning him in 1903. Because she came back.

'What's with the plane?'

'Ms Cuddles and I planned a three month tour of the world.'

They don't run down the tarmac towards each other.

Instead, they both take tentative steps towards each other. Bonnie steps down and he's already at the foot of the staircase, underestimating his pace. She keeps one step for the sake of being almost equal in height. Not a word as she holds the cure up.

'What changed your mind?' Kai doesn't take it immediately.

'I forgive you.' She says it loud enough to register, because she doesn't want to repeat herself. 'For the stuff you did to me alone, if you want forgiveness for the other stuff you'll have to ask your dead family.' It's begrudgingly given but this is a pass/fail situation.

'Say that one more time.' He'll try his luck. Astonishingly she actually repeats the three words, this time with less bite as she sees him struggling to believe her.

'I forgive you.'

He doesn't…

He doesn't know what to say.

What do you say when you get that one thing you've always wanted, but never thought you'd get?

'Oh my god, you're actually speechless.' She smiles at him, full of amazement and humour at his silence. 'Do you want me to chuck the cure into your mouth while it's open that wide?'

Her grin hits him in the cheeks, spreading through his insides and at the same time as his laugh her face lights up. He's melting at the gaze and he knows that it will make it all the more painful when she leaves.

'If you keep looking at me like that Bonster, I'm gonna kiss you.' He says it in the hopes that it'll break the tension. She'll snort in disgust, roll her eyes and walk away.

But Bonnie's eyes linger on his lips instead, as if she's calculating how genuine a threat it is. When she looks back into his grey eyes, they grow in size, trick of his vision as she moves closer to him. He stops her in place, planting his forehead against. Her forehead is warm against his, he can feel the pleasant heat behind his eyelids as they hood to look down at her. This is enough. This will be enough to get him through his incarceration. But she gifts him more, almost drawing back but pushing herself forward at the last second to plant a chaste kiss against his lips.

Fireworks.

Every colour of the rainbow, all shooting through his vision. His chest is humming, glowing, lava as he melts into her. He's not sure if he's allowed to touch her, worried she'll disappear in his grip. In his indecision his hands are just hovering, but she weaves her fingers between his to guide them to her hips while she moves her own around his neck. When she pulls away he doesn't feel the itch for more like when he siphons. Instead, for the first time since he can remember, he is gifted a moment of complete satisfaction. He feels complete. Realisation doesn't dawn on Bonnie's face, she knows what she's done and she's resolute with her choice. He can feel it in the way her thumb brushes his cheek.

'I'll see you in three months.' She whispers, before dropping her hold on him completely and stepping back.

He wants her to come with him, let her show him the world without all the gross other people to disturb them. But not yet, he's only just earned forgiveness. He's playing the long game, and so is she.

'How will you know where to find me?' His own voice is heavy in the contentment of knowing she's coming back. Knowing Bonnie wants him back.

'I'll just follow my gut.' She shrugs. 'Goodbye Kai.'

He grins from ear to ear, bittersweet longing stretching between them. But he knows she'll return to him, so he'll say it without meaning it.

'Goodbye Bonnie.'

Neither of them move in the correct direction to leave. Instead, he goes for a taste of her lips one last time, relishing as she meets him halfway.

**A/N: Now that you've read it, can a girl get a comment?**


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